I am really out of practice these days interms of posting here and in terms of what to even write about.  I love my kids, but can only write about them so much.  I have been too busy these days to watch the news or keep up on what is going on in the world.  My life has been completely about my kids and me.  I have been working hard to make the most of our time together before I go back to work–in two weeks–and they start daycare.  It is effecting me much more than I thought it would. 

Don’t get me wrong I am so very excited about going back to work andmaking money so that we can actually afford to send Noah to the fancy private school–still sacrificing most things that we use to think were necessary–we are down to 20 tv channels and I love TV.  I am not excited about leaving my kids with someone else 4 days a week 7 hours a day.  While there is a lot about being at home all day with the kids that is hard for me, I am going to miss them so much.  For example, in the middle of this post Noah started to poop and I kept asking if he wanted to go on the potty and he didn’t, finally I convinced him and he went on the potty (for the 2nd time) and said “That wasn’t so bad.”  I will miss these moments.  There are so many small moments that I am going to miss and that totally sucks. 

But if I don’t get out and go back to work and flex my intellect I am going to go insane and will then miss a lot more moments of cuteness.  I am happy about the decision but that mom guilt is ever present and that totally sucks. I don’t want to feel guilty for going back to work but then I fell guilty that I don’t feel guilty.  What vicious cycle and it sucks that our society has conditioned us on so many levels that leaving our kids in someone else’s care is bad.  I know my kids will thrive and love the interaction of other kids–I have two of the most social kids in the world. 

I am happy to report that I have dropped my first 10lbs since starting back with my trainer and a nutrition program.  I have never felt better and am really happy that I am doing it in a very healthy way.  It’s been 6 weeks and while I would have liked it to be 12lbs for 2lbs a week of loss–but I am happy with that.  At this rate it will take me 60 weeks to lose the 100lbs I want to lose.  So, hopefully I can stick to it. 

We finally got around to planting flowers in honor of Noah and Zoë’s birthmothers.  We picked roses.  There are three rose bushes and a bird bath in the honor landscape–a rose bush for both birthmothers and a rose bush for me.  It’s a beautiful and I feel proud to have such a visible way of honoring them and one that will allow the kids to honor them and think about them.  The small pink roses are for Zoë’s birth mom and the yellowy/pink ones are for Noah’s.  Mine haven’t bloomed yet but will have big lavender blooms.  Now here are some pics of the kids from the past few days. 

Newsletters coming–I’m a total slacker.  Just found out that I earned a 100% on my big huge research proposal for my ed research class and netted a 99% in the class.  I am so happy and relieved.  Its my first 100% in grad school on a paper.  So frickin excited.