I went on TV yesterday.  Well, actually I taped a segment that will air on TV this weekend about charter schools and why we still have them.  I’m nervous.  I was nervous going in but the interviewer really made me comfortable–I’m not sure this is a good thing, because I think I talked more openly than I might have otherwise–but I don’t know, because I barely remember any of it to be honest.  There are a lot of lights in a TV studio and monitors and cameras and prompters.  It’s all quite overwhelming if you’ve never done it before.  I am already thinking of things I would have like to have said and maybe things I would have liked to have not said, but I was honest and tactful.  So I guess that’s a plus.  It’s a thin line that I have to walk as I work at a university with a communications department that works hard to make sure that our reputation is good and that we stay out of the news.

First thing this morning I had to email the communications people to give them a run down and I think I gave them the most accurate rundown that I could–given that I don’t remember everything we talked about or exactly what I said.  But what is even more scary is that my segment was about 8 minutes.  I know that doesn’t seem long–but given that most TV segments aren’t that long–it’s long and it was all me.  I mean the interviewer asked questions and but it was me doing most of the talking.  It was very conversational and I think I talked slowly and clearly–I did stumble over a work and I hope it doesn’t make me look like an idiot.

I don’t want to watch it.  I don’t.  One, being on camera under all those lights will make you never want to eat food again.  Also, I am terrified that I am going to look like an idiot.  I know that i am knowledgeable in my field and in many ways am somewhat of an expert in the field of education as I am getting ready to finish my PhD.  But there is still part of me that is that poor kid who failed math and didn’t feel smart enough to go to college right out of high school.  Those insecurities, that are quieter these days, still creep up at moments and I wonder when the world will find out that I am not PhD material.  I know it’s ridiculous but it happens and it freaks me out a bit.

For those of you not in STL who want to see the segment–I MIGHT link to in on Monday–depending on how it goes/looks.  Holy Shit.  People will be able to watch my segment online–when ever they want for years and years to come.  Yeah, it might be a total train wreck.