This op-ed in the NY Times caused quite a bit of stir last week.  I was surprised to not read/hear more about it in my own internet circles, but I didn’t.  Part of that might be that I work in Academia and work is already pretty flexible–much more so than for those in traditional occupations.  Several mothers I know are doctors and many of them work part-time while their children are young.  I was listening to yesterday’s Tell Me More on NPR and there was a segment with the doctor who wrote the article and other medial mothers.  One of the things that shocked me, even in this glorified SAHM vs Working mom argument that has grown tiresome, was that it appears that it is no longer okay for women (or men) to make the decision that works for their family.

This quote from Siebert, the op-ed author rubbed me the wrong way:

The current discussion really is, you take women in that 35 to 44-year-old age group who ought to really be shooting for the moon in terms of what they want to do with their lives as physicians and that’s the highest group that are part-time. Men that are working part-time tend to do it as – again, a broad generalization – later in their careers, perhaps when they have health problems or are cutting back. But in those prime years, when you should be doing the work that you love to do and you want to do for the rest of your life, that’s where we’re seeing the predominance of women.

I don’t like the implication or assumption that at a certain age we should be dedicating our entire life to our career as though it is our only chance.  There isn’t just one path.  Hell I am going to be 40 and I am still in school and have only been working full-time for 8 months after taking time off to raise my kids.  I also took a job that is like part-time because it is flexible and allows me to work and still be able to take and pick my kids up from camp, go on field trips, work from home if the kids are sick.

Our world is changing and our expectations should be of others as well.  Just because a women can work doesn’t mean she has to sacrifice family life for work life.  We have expected for too long that work should come first and that everything else should come second.  I don’t agree with that.  I agree we should all have the choice, but that we can’t and shouldn’t fault women or men for making choices that we don’t or wouldn’t.  Many women work part-time while their kids are young–if they are able too and don’t get me started on how we should make that more women and men can have the work/life balance they want and their families need–and then they return to work full-time when their children are older and they can devote more time to their chosen profession.

Why do we spend our energy blaming women for the choices they make.  Shouldn’t we all be supporting each other and our choices?