Author: Dawn Kasal-Finley

Change

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

Noah is growing so fast. He can put together Legos for 7-14-year-olds with very little assistance aside from finding the elusive piece. He is very very impressed by this. He has all of a sudden stopped the daily tantrums and when a tantrum does occur it is usually because he feels like he failed at something. He has higher expectations for himself than I would ever dream of having.

He is such a great and cool kid.

It was time to do his hair last night-which was a matted up hot mess. He put it off and off and off and finally said NO.

“Really? You can let me do it or we shave it.” My usual threat.

“Let’s shave it.”

What the hell did he just say? Shave of the inches of absolutely beautiful curls. His hair goes past his shoulders when wet and pulled straight.

I asked 3 more times and he was decided. So, we cut. And cut. And mohawked.

He LOVES it. I know it will grow back.

The Troll In All Of Us

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

Over the past few days, I have noticed an increased amount of judgement and vitriol.  Whether it is about Elin (Tiger’s ex) destroying what looked like a beautiful mansion, Beyonce and Jay-Z having a baby, Adult Adoptee speaking out about the importance of birth family relationships and visits, or adults deciding that middle school students need to be policed for being kids.

I purposefully did not provide links–this is not a post about these stories, but rather about the way we react to the stories and what we perceive as the truth.  I admit that I am not perfect and I’ll read things and I will judge ad maybe judge harshly.  But I do it in silence.  Does this make it better?  I think it does.  One of the worst things about the Internet and our increased ability to know the details of people’s lives as they happen is that there appears to be no more filtering of thoughts.  People just spew their thoughts into the comments forgetting that there are real people out there reading the comments.  And that because the news cycle is so fast and so constant–it is probably going to be a day or so before all the details can be gathered and the “real” story can be told.  And really, don’t we all have enough going on in our lives to worry about?  I know I don’t have time to care that Elin bulldozed a 12-million dollar house.  I have kids to pick up, dinner to make and work to do.

I know that there are many bloggers (myself included) who have been judged in our own spaces for the details we share.  The most successful mommy bloggers are judged constantly for what they chose to share about their lives.  Somehow it’s okay to judge and make sweeping generalizations online.  It is certainly easy enough to get caught up in them and to allow ourselves to be swayed by the comments and harsh judgements of strangers.  Of the Haters. The Trolls.

As the mother of an almost 6-year-old (how the hell did that happen?), I find myself teaching that one golden rule “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.”  There is a difference between sharing one’s own experiences and feelings than there is to judging the choices that others make.  It makes me really angry that when I read articles online from my local newspaper about the problems with urban ed, that the comments flare up with hate fueled rhetoric about how the city kids don’t deserve nice things, etc.  Or that the teachers in the city don’t care about kids.  Or when some tragedy strikes, the trolls come out and disparage the parents.

Just because you think something doesn’t mean you have to type it.  Just because someone does something you don’t understand doesn’t mean you have to judge them harshly.  The world isn’t fair.  Do I wish I had the resources of Beyonce and Jay-Z?  Sure, but that isn’t their fault.  I don’t begrudge them their 2000 square foot nursery–or however big it is.  I don’t begrudge them their nanny or any other choice of help they decide to make.  It is their life and I am happy to let them live it.  My life is my life and I am happy that I am free to live it.

I love the internet.  I love my blogging community.  I love my friends on Facebook.  I have met some great friends through these communities and it allows me to share a piece of my life (the good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing).  I know that this opens me up to the trolls.  I’ve been lucky that I’m obscure enough that no one pays much attention to me. But the internet, social media, social networks have made it way to easy for people to be mean and nasty.  Too easy for people to openly judge others harshly.  Adults are even worse than teens.  Cyber-bullying isn’t something that only happens to teens and kids.

You want to speak out?  Speak out in a way that is helpful.  Don’t just hate and attack others you don’t know.

“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

He Said, I Said

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

So we got the kids report cards on Wednesday.  Zoë’s is pretty inconsequential–she’s in pre-school.  But we do get a pretty detailed report of where she is developmentally and what she could work on at home, etc.

Noah’s is much more detailed this year than in previous years; now that he is in Kindergarten and all.  He is doing really well.  He should spend more time at home writing with functional spelling than he does and he needs a little more practice with “working it out” with words.  His teachers suggested he practice at home with his sister and as I read it aloud–he said “how do they know I’m mean to my sister and don’t always use my words?”  Ah the power those teachers wield now.  If only….

I put the report cards down after we went through all of it.  Noah wanted to know exactly what he got checks in and check pluses etc.  He had some disagreements with his teachers, but that’s to be expected from the kids who challenges everything.  EVERYTHING.

Bill picked it up and said…”look at this–Absent 1, Tardy 3 times.”  He said the “tardy 3 times” loudly as he look accusingly at me.  ME.  ME?

He’s pretty certain that I am the cause of the 3 tardy blemish on our son’s record.  I disagreed on principal, but have to agree that he is probably right.  What would you expect from the person who was late to school nearly everyday her senior year of high school.  My license plate in high school was “ILLBL8.”

So, as I make my husband question the culprit in the tardy scandal, I freely admit my culpability here.  But shhhhhhh.

Yep That Was Me

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

who sent my husband and kids out the door this morning ready for school, only to have them come home 20 minutes later because well…..There wasn’t any school today.  Turns out today is a holiday.  Which I knew it was for me, but really my kids?  Come on, they have been home for 2 weeks already.  Two. WEEKS.

But then I got to leave for Kansas City for business and my husband got one more fun day to wrangle the children and I got a 4 hour car ride that was quiet and didn’t have to listen to “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.”  Or the first 3 lines of Sir-mix-Alot’s “Baby Got Back.”

Yep that was me, who taught her almost 6 year old “I like Big Butt’s and I cannot lie….”  I know it is totally inappropriate, but it is also funny. I told him he can’t learn the rest until he is 12.  He is really looking forward to being 12.

Until then, I have to listen to his giggly version of the first three lines, with the promise that he will not teach it to his friends.

Yep, that will be me getting a phone call from my son’s school because he taught 3 friends the first three lines.  I totally win at parenting.

Staring 2012 off with a bang.

Looking Forward

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

There are 3 days left in 2011 and I have to say that it’s been a pretty amazing year.  Did I do everything that I wanted to?  No.  Did I do somethings that I didn’t know I wanted?  Yes.

I also struggle with and to be honest usually feel quite uninspired when the time comes to recap my year and think about next year.  Well, I can thank Kelly and her re-visioning of Joe’s suicide note.  Because there is no need to re-invent the wheel.  If all my years of teaching and program creation have taught me anything–they have taught me that the best ideas have already been had and there is no reason to not use those–just give credit.  So credit I give.

Things I Think Will Happen Next Year–I will begin writing my dissertation in earnest after finishing data collection and come into my own as an academic.  I will blog more because it is important to me and I love writing.  So much of the writing I do on a daily basis is academic in nature, it has become more difficult for me to switch to personal writing here.  But I am going to make an effort to do just that.  I’ll come to terms with my weight and the issues surrounding it.  I’ll come to terms with what it will take to get in the shape I want to be–not a number on the scale–but a physical shape and feeling that I want/need in my life.

Stuff I Would Like To See In My Life–More time with my husband and kids.  I am extremely busy with work, teaching and finishing my PhD and it keeps me from spending the quality time my kids need and i so desperately want.  Balance.  I need more balance in my life and I hope to see it more in 2012 than in the last few years.

Things I Regret–I try not to have any regrets.  There are certainly things that I think about but I am who I am and I try not to regret that.  When I look back thoughtfully, there isn’t anything this year I regret.  That feels good to say.

Things I Am Proud Of–My life.  I know that might sound simplistic and arrogant.  But I am proud of where I have ended up this year.  I am more than halfway done with my dissertation research.  I landed a great new job–that I wasn’t even looking for.  I taught some great classes this past year and have made an impact in students lives (even though they are adult students).  I have watched my children find their own interests.  Being married–happily so–for 11 years now.  Being given the chance to go to Thailand on a Doctoral Student trip–even though it was postponed for a year due to the devastating flooding in Thailand.  Having 2 conference proposals accepted.  My friendships.  Standing up for wrongs I see.  Advocating for my kids.

Here is to a great 2012–how ever much of it we have.  As, my husband is pretty certain those Mayan’s were on to something.  I don’t see the world ending, but I can see it changing.  Hoping 2012 brings all we hope it will.