Adoption

Can’t Tell One End From The Other

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

My life is a complete and utter frenzy of chaos, excitement, sorrow, happiness, sadness, and so on and so on.  I leave for Ethiopia in 3 days.  Saturday at 12:50 I will be on my way to Peepers.  I am so excited and if I didn’t have almost a million other things to do before I left, I might be calm.  But there is so much to do.  I have to admit that I catch my breath every time the phone rings.  I know that this adoption is going smoother than Minnow’s adoption.  I mean we passed court the first time and all of our paperwork is in order.  But I can’t help but be cautious. 

I am having a hard time balancing my happiness with the feeling of sadness I have for my friend Anne and her loss of their beautiful baby.  The loss of a child is something one never gets over.  It forces me to remember and appreciate the miracle that is a child.  During our last adoption another family lost their baby two weeks before they were to travel and about a month or so before we traveled.  It is scary and reminds me of the dangers of life in a developing nation.  I am happy and sad at the same time. 

I have a list that just keeps getting longer and lists about my lists that keeps getting longer.  I know it is all worth it, but I am gettin dizzy trying to keep it all straight and together.  And, I cannot believe that I am leaving Minnow for 8 days.  I don’t know how I am going to do that.  I don’t know how Minnow is going to handle me being gone.  I am sure he will be fine and won’t really miss me that much–but I worry that he might and then what. 

Okay. Must. Stop. Worrying. About. The. Things. I. Cannot. Change.

I am leaving just over 72 hours.  Holy Shit.

My Heart Is Breaking

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 4 Comments

Tears have come for my wonderful friend Anne who had been waiting for 44 weeks for the referral of a baby girl.  The call came last Tuesday.  Then yesterday a call no parent wants to hear came.  Their sweet baby girl had passed away on Saturday at the age of 2 months old.  Anne’s blog is private but many of you may know her from when she was adopting her daughter Hayat and her blog was public.  My heart is broken by this devastating and incomprehensible loss.  I can only imagine the pain that rips through every ounce of one’s being.  They are mourning and devastated.  Please keep them in your thoughts. 

Racism Is Everywhere–Even When All The Same “Race”

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

I just read an interesting information pieceby the University of Washington about the tribal roots of both of my children. Minnow and Peepers are both of Oromo descent.  Sadly, my son and daughter would have been second class citizens with no political autonomy in their own country because of their Oromo heritage.  I had no idea that there was such a system of overt oppression in place and it reminds me a great deal of our white society’s own systematic oppression of blacks.  I am sad that this “racism” or tribalism is part of my children’t heritage and that part of the reason there are so many poor Oromo in Ethiopia is because they are discriminated against.  Did Minnow and Peepers moms’ feel they had no choice but to give up their children because they would be doomed to a life of living at the bottom of the social hierarchy?  I will sadly never know their reasons.  I can only hope to teach my children that “racism” is real and painful and something we must work to change–something we must never accept as okay.  We must speak up and work to change the relegation of whole populations of people to the lower strata based on their skin color or heritage. 

I am glad that Obama is the Democratic Nominee for President and I accept and realize what an important step it is.  We cannot become complacent in our fight for equality because a black man has achieved what was once deemed impossible.  There is racism lurking in every corner of our society.  We must work to bring it to an end and arm our children with the tools and intellect to be able to bring about change. 

Two Weeks From Today

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 5 Comments

I will be cruising at 30,000 feet on my way to Addis Ababa via Washington DC.  I am brimming with anxiety and excitement.  We received an update on our little Peepers yesterday and she is still a tiny little thing–even at 6 1/2 months old–11.4lbs and 24 inches.  Tiny.  I think most of the clothes I have will fit her–barely as she is so skinny.  I am going to go through Minnow’s baby clothes for some newborn clothes–she certainly won’t need them very long.  Minnow gained 3lbs in nearly 2 weeks when we first brought him home.  I have to keep reminding myself how little she is–as I see her pictures and she looks much bigger–pictures have a way of making objects in them appear larger.  That is my excuse and I am sticking to it. 

Peepers seems to be developing well.  She can lift herself up when she is on her belly and can sit with support.  I just can’t wait to get my hands on her.  This time is so very different than the last.  I am certainly nervous but not nearly as nervous as I was when we were preparing to bring Minnow home.  I know so much more this time and I know that there are things that can go wrong and when they do–our agency will help figure it all out.  They rock. 

Well, I am off to pick through some baby clothes and see what I can come up with.  I am lucky that most of the dresses, etc that I bought to take are 3mos size–but those might still be a little big on our peanut.  Happy Weekend. 

Not Just Mine

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 4 Comments

After I hang out with my mom friends, I always have this feeling of unity and difference at the same time.  We are all mothers and our parenting struggles are much the same, but there are somethings we will just never understand about each others’ experiences. 

I am really uncomfortable when people tell me what a great thing it is to adopt a child.  I don’t feel that it’s great.  I didn’t do it because it was great.  I did it because I wanted to be a mother.  Who am I to say that Minnow or Peepers are better off with Hubby and I than with their biological parents.  I don’t have the hubris to think that my life here in America is better than what their potential life might have been.  I do believe that my children are fortunate to be growing up in America but I have a hard time saying that, because Ethiopia is their birth country and it is an amazing place full of amazing people who are willing to give us the opportunity to be parents. 

I know that those who have not adopted do not understand fully the extent of contradictory emotions and feelings that accompany adopting a child and especially a child from a foreign land.  I never want my child to think that they need to be grateful for being adopted. 

I also don’t know how to explain the added pressure I carry around as an adoptive mother.  I know that I want to do what is best for my children, but I also want to raise children that their birth mothers and birth fathers can be proud of.  I want to make these women (and men) who have given me the greatest gift one person can give to another proud of the job that I am doing.  I see Minnow’s birth parents in him and have to say they must have been amazing people.  I don’t know how to explain it, but his birth parents are part of our family and I want to do the proud.  The expectations are high and I hope that we can live up to them. 

These amazing children are not just mine…they are also Ethiopia’s. 

Thank you Ethiopia.