Adoption

How 60-Months Flies By

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

Aug. 23, 2006

It still seems like yesterday that we were in Ethiopia, clinging to hope that Noah would survive to be our son.  He was so sick when we arrived.  It still scares me to think about to this day–how many other children aren’t lucky like Noah to have had access to medical care.

60-Months ago this little man turned a couple into a family.  An amazing family.  A family that is perfect.

Aug. 21, 2006 (he went back to the hospital for another full day after this–not quite ours yet)

If only I knew 5 years ago what I know today.  I had no idea what it would be like to be a parent.  The joys and the struggles.  But I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.  It has been an amazing ride so far.  Tomorrow we start a new phase with Noah.  He starts kindergarten.  KINDERGARTEN.  I can hardly believe it.  It isn’t a big transition for us, as he has been in school for two full years now–but there is something momentous about this moment.  This moment that 5-years-ago we weren’t sure could be possible.  I have enjoyed every single day (regardless of the whining and tantrums).  I’m looking forward to this next phase.

 

36-Months Later

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

When I write 36-months it doesn’t seem very long.  But it has been nearly your entire life time Zoë.  I can barely remember what our life was before you.  You have completed our family–I can say that now with complete confidence.  You are an incredible personality and I could never imagine how much I enjoy having a little girl.  I could never could have imagined what a girly girl you would blossom into–and I will write it here–your girlieness (making up my own words) scares the living crap out of me.  I am not a girlie girl.  I don’t wear make-up.  I didn’t own a dress or skirt until I was 21.  You love sparkles and make-up and earrings and make-up and diamonds and jewelry.

The love and the joy you have inside you is amazing and it affects everyone you come into contact with.  Your spirit is bright and your determination is strong.  You love so intensely and OMG–you give the absolute best hugs and kisses.  You stand up for yourself and don’t let the big kids push you around.  You are inquisitive and curious and eager to learn new things.  You recently learned how to button/snap your own pants and you couldn’t have been more excited.

When you get excited you jump up and down while you talk and it is the cutest thing. You did this yesterday in the kitchen and had me laughing hysterically and you just kept jumping.

You are a delight to parent–except you really have to stop telling me NO and NEVER.  Even though you say those things with a smile and a twinkle in your eye–it will get you into trouble one day.  SOON.

You are the apple of your daddy’s eye and you know it.  You are learning quickly to wrap him around your little finger.  But Zoë you have rocked our world and I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter.

Happy Zoëversary.  We love you so much.

Here is year 1 and here
Here is year 2

A Father

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

Today we celebrate fathers. I have a great dad and he is so much of the reason that I am who I am today. As I watch Noah and Zoë with their dad, my amazing husband, I know they are as lucky as I am to have a great dad. A Father’s influence is powerful.

Then I thin of their Ethiopian fathers. In adoption we talk about birthmother’s all the time and more often then not forget about birthfathers. I think much of that is due to the assumption that this men who helped make these children ate somehow uninvolved, uncaring, or unimportant. The birthmother carries the child, etc. In the case of adoption, we assume a lot about birthfathers.

Today I celebrate the amazing men who helped create the children that I am lucky enough to parent. I don’t know the stories of these men, but I choose to believe they were men who created these children were loving and caring and whose circumstances didn’t allow them to be able to parent together with the birthmothers.

I hope they know in their hearts how amazing their children are and how much we love them.

Today is a day for all fathers.

He Has Had Enough, Thank You Very Much

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

Noah has had enough of me pointing out black kids.  My attempts to get him to see other kids like him hit a breaking point on Monday.  Monday was the start of summer camp and I would be lying if I didn’t say how happy I was to see another black child in the camp class.  Noah’s school isn’t hugely diverse (24% of kids are non-white) and he does have another black boy in his class during the regular school year.

When I picked him up from camp I asked him if he made any new friends.  He said he did and he had fun.  I asked who the black boy was and if he played with him.

Noah responded: “Why do you always want me to see and play with black kids.  I play with kids who like the same things as me.  I play with my friends.  I don’t need to play with someone just because they look like me.”

I was shocked a bit.  But he is right.  He knows he is black.  He knows I am white.  He knows that the majority of his world is white and he knows how to make friends.  He has friends and he likes his friends.

I told him that I understood and that I wasn’t trying to make him play with someone just because they looked like him, but I wanted him to see that he wasn’t the only boy who was black.

“I don’t care if there are other kids who are black mom.  That is just my skin.  I care that there are kids who want to play what I want to play and who are my friend and who like me and are nice.”

Well, he certainly told me didn’t he.  I think this is good.  He is developing a sense of self and what is important to him.  He recognizes that skin color is just that and that it doesn’t (and shouldn’t) define him.  So, I will stop pointing out the kids who look like him and let him be who he is.  I will certainly continue to seek out activities and places where he can be around others who look like him, but I’ll let him pick his own friends.

Oh this parenting thing is hard.

Santa Claus, Jesus and Mothers

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

I know it sounds like the start of a bad joke.  But in honor of the 5 year anniversary of receiving Noah’s referral–I thought a Noah story was called for.

We had a whirlwind Mother’s day weekend.  It has to be a weekend when you have divorced parents.  I talked briefly with Noah and  Zoë about their Ethiopian mothers and we talked about the rose bushes that we planted two years ago as a way to honor them with new life every spring.  But we hadn’t really talked about them on Mother’s day itself.

So finally, last night after dinner I was sitting with Noah, my mom (whose birthday also happened to fall on Mother’s day this year) and brother and I asked Noah

“Who else do we have to remember to think about, celebrate and remember on Mother’s day”

“Santa Clause” he says after a moment of thinking.

“No” I said through a bit of a chuckle

“ummm…JESUS” he yells triumphantly

“No” At this point, I can barely not laugh–I’m exhausted and we don’t even go to church and I don’t know exactly how he made the connection there.

I prod him a little, “A special lady in…”

“My Ethiopian mom” he says with a small smile.

We talked a little about her but I wait for him to ask questions–I don’t want to overwhelm him with concepts he isn’t ready for.  Can’t believe the time has gone so fast.  I love you Noah and am so lucky to get to be your mom.

Thank you M.A. and Zoë’s birthmom, for your sacrifice, courage and selflesness.  Without you, I wouldn’t be blessed with these amazing children.  I see you in them and know how amazing both of you are.  I hope we do you proud.