Adoption

14 week melt down

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

Tomorrow marks 14 weeks since our dossier was sent to Ethiopia. When we started this whole process I was certain that we would be making our travel plans already. I accept and know that this adoption process is totally unpredictable and that my expectations were really unreasonable, but they were what I was holding on to. Of course, the whole process is working out exactly the way it should. Our kitchen is curretly non-existent (we have ripped it out), our den is now a big pantry and its floor is ripped out waiting to be replaced. The nursery is drywalled but needs paint, flooring, furniture. We are in no way home ready so I should feel blessed that we have been waiting, because there would be no way we could everything done that we want to get done if we were preparing to travel.

Well, I was at Target yesterday buying some new work out clothes and I had a baby meltdown. About 2 months ago I was at Target and I noticed this cute little outfit. Sweather vest, button down shirt and pants. I wanted it so badly for my little boy–we did not specify gender, but I am pretty confident that we will be getting a boy. But I didn’t buy it because I knew it would be a while before we received our referral and I didn’t know what size to buy, etc. Well yesterday, I was at Target, and as I know our referral is on the horizon, I caved and bought the outfit. I bought a 9mth size, hoping that the baby will be able to wear it this winter. It is just the cutest thing ever. I also succummed to my motherly genes and bought some bibs, I know I will need those.

I am hoping that the referral comes soon, as I am dying to buy more things and to get really prepared for the arrival of our budle of joy. We have our names picked out and are just waiting to meet our baby… Soon

Green with envy!!!

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

Well, all of the families whose dossier was sent with ours–except the family waiting for a toddler girl–have received thier refferals within the last 5 days. I am so very happy for them, but extremely envious that they have thier baby and we are still waiting. I know I sound like my high school students–but life is so not fair. I want my baby. I want to see his/her face and have a name. I want to know our child. I want to be able to prepare and have it not be an abstraction. I have a teddy bear that I made at the Build-a-Bear workshop here at our baseball stadium sitting in my bedroom reminding me that he doesn’t have an owner yet. I look at the diaper bag I bought and can’t wait to fill it with things that we will need on our trip to Ethiopia and for everyday after that–for a few years anyway. Oh am I ever ready….

I have decided to wait to do the nursery until I know the age and sex of the baby. I want to wait until I know my baby before I start to decorate. I want to do the room knowing our baby and keeping him/her in mind as I prepare thier room. Every part of me is nervous, excited, anxious, stressed, and nearly unable to function properly. It has to happen soon, or I am certain that I will spontaneously combust. My husband is going on a golf trip this weekend and he leaves on Thursday. I am certain Thursday will be the day as he will not be home to share in the good news with me. I hope I can make it….

Can you say NEXT!!!

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

Okay well almost next. A lot of things have to happen for us to be next. Everyone who received their referrals must accept them–I am sure they will and they all have to remain healthy. As is expected in a third world country–infant mortality is high and it is not uncommon for infants to lose their battle to stay alive. But so far all of the infants seem to be healthy and thriving. There is one family ahead of us waiting for an infant girl, so we there is atleast one family waiting for a boy–then us–if my sleuthing skills are at all reliable. I can’t believe it. It really is going to happen and happen soon. We need to get to work. We have so much to do. We have to finish the kitchen, the den, the nursery and I need to lose more weight. Well hopefully my next post will be one of joyous celebration for our family.

The Line is Moving…

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

I am so very excited. I know that one of the people directly ahead of us on the waiting list received a referral today. I would figure that there were others today that are being kept on the DL as well until the families accept them. I am very hopeful that our referral will come in the next few weeks. I am beside myself right now with anxiety and excitment. I will be checking my email even more neurotically than normal.

I can’t wait to be posting that I am now a mother. I am confident that my baby is born and in Ethiopia waiting for my husband and I to bring him/her home. I am going to be a mother….

Working through it…

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

How do you keep your sanity while wainting for the biggest thing in your life to happen? Well you rip out wall of tile and plaster. You demolish the old and dream of the new. Does it help? Well, some. It is a cleansing experience and quite calming. It allows me to focus on something other than what I don’t have. We have a completely ripped out kitchen, a somewhat ripped out den, a nursery that is drywalled but needs to be sanded. I have decided to not decorate the nursery until we get our referral, so that I can decorate it accordingly for the gender of the baby. I really want to be able to decorate it like a “boy” or “girl” room. I know all about gender socialization, but I don’t really care, nor do I think that it will have an impact on the child and how they turn out.
I am trying to prepare myself for parenthood, but how can you really? I don’t have anything to really pull from. I have lots of friends who have had babies, but this is so different. You can’t really prepare yourself. It is hard to focus on parenthood, when I really have nothing concrete–like a pregnant belly–to concentrate on. My child is imaginary at this point. I already love him/her with all my heart but it is still just an idea. I want to be ready but I don’t know how to get ready. I can’t really buy anything, because I don’t know how big or old the baby will be when we travel to pick him/her up. I am hoping that we get through courth prior to the closure. That way we don’t have to wait an additional six weeks. If we do, I think that I will be going over early to spend some time with the baby–if we can afford it.
For now, I must focus on myself, my marriage, and getting the house ready. We are making strides, but I still can’t help but dream about my baby. Hopefully soon it will be reality….