Adoption

One Month Down–215 To Go

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 12 Comments

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Peepers has been my second child–in real life–for one month now (A little longer if you count our time in Ethiopia).  But I am starting to count since we have been here at home with my first child–Minnow. 

I am not going to lie and say how awesome it’s been and how great.  Because quite frankly adjusting to a second child has sucked.  Not only because she doesn’t sleep, but because she is very demanding–part of that has to do with her age–she is nearly 9months old now and wants things.  She isn’t content to just hang out.  She needs things to do and it’s hard to provide both her and Minnow with age appropriate things to do–so often I let her drink (pour) my coffee and pick up hubby’s cigarette butts.  I have struggled with finding time for myself as their nap schedule resembles torture—Peepers sleeps and Minnow naps after she wakes.  Peepers naps again and Minnow wakes up 30 minutes later. 

I have gone from having 3 hours to myself to regenerate and pretend I don’t have any one other than myself demanding my time to having only 30 which serves as a stark reminder that my life is no longer my own–at all. 

But there are upsides to having a new baby–I am totally in love with her. She is happy and has a great personality.  She doesn’t cry unless she is hungry and/or tired.  She is growing and now sleeps in her own bed and is sleeping longer and I can see glimpses of more sleep in my future.  The love is amazing and seeing her every morning is awesome and watching her learn new things, etc., just plain rocks. 

I am happy and blessed to be her mother–we’ll see how she feels about that later.  But it’s tough and I am not afraid to admit it.  I know that doesn’t make me a bad mother; it just makes me a real and honest woman who is also a mother. 

So, what do you struggle with and what gets you through? 

The Long Haul

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 10 Comments

Things are most defintely NOT getting better in terms of us or Peepers sleeping.  We do the separate bed thing once a week each but it is still very very exhausting and emotionally taxing.  Especially for me.  When I’m tired the emotional strain is at it’s worst.  That is when I sometimes just have to walk away.  I have a hard time dealing with the crying.  I feel like a failure because sometimes I am just unable to soothe and calm her.  I know it’s only been a few weeks since she and I have been physically mother and daughter, but it is hard because for so long I have been attached to her and it will take time for her to get attached to me.  She knows I am her mom and she looks for me if I move, etc.  But I have to try and understand the great amount of change this little person has had in the short 8 months of her life.  And, I have to accept that she just might never be a good sleeper.  (I can’t think about that yet). 

Because I seem to have a memory loss of anything not sunshine and roses from when Minnow was just home, I went back and re-read many of the entries I wrote in his first few months home.  I was delirously tired well into december (four months after he had come home).  I can note that he slept a little better but was still getting up 3 times a night and waking up early everyday for quite some time.  It is just harder now because I have an ACTIVE toddler and am two years older than I was last time.  I am muddling through and Hubby is much more patient with the crying and knows when I am on the edge and he steps in and takes her so that my frazzled nerves can settle down.  I don’t expect to be getting more or better sleep anytime soon.  When in doubt lower your expectations and survive. 

But boy she sure is cute. 

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The Long Awaited Ethiopia Post

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 5 Comments

I am bucking adoption blogging tradition and lumping my entire trip into one post.  I am pressed for time (with two active kids and all) and the trip was much more uneventful than our first adoption trip.  Just let me say that the plane ride to Ethiopia was absolutely awful–last row, seats so old their was no cushion left–long and no sleep was to be had. 

Monday June 23
I was jolted out of a dead sleep by the phone.  It was Gail calling to tell us she’d be picking us up at 9:45 am to go to Wanna and get Peepers.  It was an awesome phone call and I couldn’t wait.  We didn’t get this phone call the last time.  We tagged along with the other family who was getting their baby and in hindsight I wish I would have waited for the call so that we didn’t have the turmoil and pain of waiting.  Anyway, this is Peepers adoption story not Minnows.  I looked at the clock and we had a little over an hour to get ready before Gail would be picking us up…Waiting in the lobby was hard, I just couldn’t wait to go and hold Peepers.  It seemed I had been waiting so long to hold her–but in reality it was just about 4 months since we had received our referral. Gail met us and took us on the long drive to the AAI compound.  It really should have been a short drive, but there is a lot of construction happening on the route to AAI’s compound and the drive took a little longer than usual.  I was so happy to see all of the construction and development happening.  I know that it only means those with money have more, but it does provided for lots of jobs and more opportunity. 

Arriving at Wanna was surreal and really did feel like it had been just yesterday that I was there.  I was exactly the same and the faces were the same as well.  It was nice to know that those who had loved Minnow were now loving Peepers.  I was the only family there to pick up kids the week we were there…this was great as we got lots of personalized attention this trip.  We walked in to the baby room and Peepers was being help by one of the nannies.  Gail went over and took her and brought her over to me.  It was an awesome moment. 
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I was so happy at the instant and holding her felt so natural as though she had always been my daughter.  It was a great moment.  The nurse came in to give Peepers her medicine (for the ear infection) and to tell me how to administer it.  They went over her schedule with me and told me a few things about her–she doesn’t like a wet diaper and her bottom is rather sensitive she gets diaper rash really really easily and that she doesn’t like to be warm when she sleeps–no pants, etc.  She is quite a little furnace and puts off a lot of body heat. 

We hung out at Wanna a little bit more and then we arranged to come back to Wanna the following day to take a tour (we hadn’t done this with Minnow) and arranged to go to Nazret on Thursday with an AAI social worker to see the hospital where Peepers was taken when she was found.  All in all it was awesome.  We went back to the hotel and hung out with Peepers there and just got to know each other a little.  It was so low-key and completely stress-free aside from the fact that I had a new little human whom I knew nothing about. 

Tuesday June 24
AAI’s driver Dawit picked us up and took us to Wanna so I could get pics of the babies and we could take a tour.  Dawit was then going to pick us up a few hours later to take us shopping.  Wanna/Layla is really an amazing place.  It is so much bigger than I had pictured.  It was amazing to see all of the kids.  I was so overwhelmed by the whole experience that I didn’t take any pictures on the tour and I feel really bad as it would be nice to have those pics.  Two of the volunteers currently working at AAI were actually adopted from Layla and have come back to give back.  That to me speaks volumes to the work that AAI does and the family atmosphere created at Layla.  It was great to meet them. 

Shopping was awesome and I wish I hadn’t been so tired and that I had known what I wanted to buy for myself.  There was so much, but I got a few things.  I have to say that I am absolutely the worst shopper ever, because I don’t bargain all that well.  Especially when it all boils down to a dollar or two.  I know I should and that I am being taken advantage of by the locals because I am a foreigner.  But it is hard when again it boils down to a dollar or two.  I got some great stuff for the kids–some t-shirts and a few traditional outfits.  We then headed on back to the hotel and hung out more with Peepers. 

Wednesday June 25
The embassy.  It was so simple and so easy.  It took about 3 minutes for our appointment.  We were in and out in under 15 minutes.  We did more hanging out at the hotel with Peepers.  We didn’t do anything around the city as I had done it all before and my dad was happy to hang out with his granddaughter.  It was really great to get to hang out in the room–eat room service, etc and get to know Peepers a little better and for her to get comfortable with me.  By this day it was obvious she understood that I was her mommy and would be the one to take care of her.  If she couldn’t see me she would cry and she would reach out for me and would instantly stop crying when I would hold her.  It amazes me how aware these babies are and how quicklly they learn and understand that their new mommy and daddy love them and are there to take care of them. 

Thursday June 26
This was by far the most emotional day of our trip.  Going to Nazret was a real treat.  We know where Minnow is from and even had an address of where he was left and the name of the woman who cared for him and brought him in.  But we didn’t go and looking back I regret that so very much as it would have been a priceless experience.  Our trip was so emotional with Minnow that I understand why we didn’t try to go and see but I do deeply regret it. 

The drive was really really long–about an hour and a half through the urban countryside.  The amount of traffic amazes me and gives me hope that there really is some good development happening.  We did see a couple of accidents on the road to Nazret and we did have a donkey walk right out in front of us as we were doing 60 mph–Dawit did an awesome job of missing the donkey.  It was a harrowing effort.  We arrived in Nazret and it is a nice size city for a developing nation.  There isn’t the stark contrast between rich and poor in Nazret.  There are houses and strips of shopping stalls, etc. There were people milling about everywhere as if they were waiting for something to happen. 

We drove to the hospital and entered.  It was so weird and sad, as it is nothing like any hospital you have seen if you haven’t been to one in a developing nation.  We pulled up to the child/infant ward and there is a sign (I didn’t get a picture of it) that describes the ward as the child ward–where they take place of those who have no parents to take care of and nurture them.  It hurt every ounce of my being to see that sign an to think about the sheer numbers of children who have been found and brought to these small rooms to be cared for in a room that is just that a concrete room.  It is dark and depressing, isolated and lonely.  I think of her time here and am happy that they were able to nurse her to health (she was very sick when she was brought to them) but I am sad that that hospital is in such a state.  I know that my standards are western and first world standards but there could be something done to make the orphan’s ward a much more welcoming place. 

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her bed for the week she was in the hospital

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the nurse who loved and named her

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The first photo of her at the hospital

We had lunch in Nazret and had to wait around for hours to bring a new child back to AAI’s compound.  Everything in Ethiopia happens on Ethiopia time–which means when I get there.  It was a long day and again made me appreciate everything that our agencies go through to make our adoptions happen.  I am forever grateful to the work of those who have made it possible for us to be a family. 

Friday June 27
We picked up Peepers passports and said good-bye.  We arrived at the airport early and still didn’t get a bassinet seat, but we were able to get an extra seat between us on the flight home and that made it all the more bearable.  Peepers did awesome on the flight and it was great to arrive home.  Home forever…June 28, 2008. 

First Real Trip To The Doctor

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 5 Comments

Peepers had her first official check up today at the docs.  We went in last Tuesday because she had come home with an ear infection and had a rash all over her belly and chest.  The ear infection has cleared up and the rash turned out to be eczema and that has cleared as well. 

She has gained a pound since our visit on Tuesday.  She still isn’t on the growth charts for weight, but is a respectable 40th percentile for height and nearly 50th percentile for head circumference.  She has hit all of her six month milestones and is quickly racking up her nine month milestones.  Now if only she would sleep more–but I know that will come and that she is adjusting and playing catch up. 

We go in tomorrow for a massive blood draw–for a laundry list of tests and then back on Thursday to read her PPD test and get a couple more “catch-up” vaccines.  She is a trooper and the doc is impressed again at the good health that my Ethiopian kids have come home with as well as their complete lack of developmental delays. 

I have accepted this current state of my life as the new “normal” and have decided that I must figure out how to cope.  I have figured out that the more I move the less tired I am–it’s that whole physics thing “a body in motion stays in motion…”

We are finding our stride and hope that it keeps up. 

One Week Down

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 6 Comments

approximately 936 until Peepers joins Minnow away at college.  Okay.  I’m not really counting down as that would be depressing. 

Well, we have been home for a week now and I am just as exhausted as I was the day I arrived home.  It is a different tired, but the depth of the tiredness is the same.  I know the tiredness will fade in a month or two or ten, but for now I am just trying to deal with it.  I am not doing it as gracefully as I could but that is okay.  We are all still alive and that is what really matters. 

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Minnow is adjusting better than I could have every imagined.  He has not shown any signs of jealousy at all.  He is patient and sweet.  Peepers is the first person he asks about everyday when he wakes up.  It is cute. I am sure that they are going to be buds once Peepers gets a little bit older.  He held her for the first time this week–I am not sure you can call it holding but she sat in his lap and they played.  It was so very cute.  Peepers is getting so much stronger.  She is sitting up and doing great–she of course tips over easily but that is due to the fact that her head is huge and her body has not quite caught up yet. 

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Today is a special day–Hubby’s birthday.  We laid low today–Hubby played golf with his friends from work and I took care of the kiddos. This was the first day that I had the kids by myself all day.  I have to admit it wasn’t too bad–exhausting but manageable.  Yesterday we went to my dads to celebrate Hubby’s birthday and the fourth.  We did a few toddler friendly fireworks–snakes and smoke bombs.  Minnow had a blast as did Peepers.  We sang happy birthday and had a great time. 

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