Birthdays

The Bounce Place

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

Well, the madness that was Zoë’s birthday weekend is over and I am ready to recover from the over indulgence in sugar.

Each of our kids gets one BIG blowout part with all of their friends (okay–Noah got 2, but we don’t focus on that.  Thankfully memories are short when kids are young).  Each of these parties happen when the kids turn 5. Five is a big birthday in the minds of the kids.

So, we splurged for a party at BounceU.  And it was an great decision.  The kids could not have had more fun.  They ran and jumped and bounced and slid for 60 minutes and the filled up on the best cake ever.

The trade-off is that they don’t get presents at these parties.  In stead we collect money for Ethiopian Orphan Relief.  This helps the kids realize that it isn’t just about getting stuff.  They get plenty of stuff from their own family–they don’t need random gifts from their friends.  Zoë didn’t flinch (but needed reassurance that she would get something from Mom and Dad and her grandparents).

She doesn’t completely understand that the money will go towards bringing clean water and what that means.  She does agree that kids in Ethiopia should be able to buy water than have to walk a long way to get water.  So, the lesson isn’t quite clear in her 5-year-old head.  You buy stuff with money and it’s for Ethiopia and her conclusion is somewhat logical.  We’ll keep working on that and talking about charity.  I think this is more important.  My kids have so much (as do all of the kids in their classes).

If we are honest, we have to admit that our kids have way too much.  I don’t like that my kids expect others to buy them something.  I want them to value what they have and to value their friends for their friendship not that they give them gifts.  I want them to not expect things.  We were really lucky with Noah that only 1 parent brought him a gift (all of the other families didn’t bring a gift and/or donated to charity).  This year, Zoë, received a few couple gifts–because it is clearly hard for some parents to grasp the no gift giving.  But she raise over $200 for charity and she was happy about that.

I’m am happy to be done with the big birthday extravaganzas.  I say that now, until Noah’s first sleepover b-day party in May.

Ushering In A New Decade

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

Last night I went to sleep in my 30’s and this morning I woke up in my 40’s.  I’d like to say I feel different, older, more mature.  But I don’t.  It will be weird to say I’m 40.   I’m one of those people who “forgets” how old they are.  I always have to think about it before I answer.  Age just isn’t that important to me.  I feel young–I’m sure part of that is due to the fact that I am still in school–PhD or die!  Or that my kids are only 5 and 3 1/2.  I feel like I should be younger than 40.  I am certainly not where I thought I would be at 40.  But, I’m pretty happy with where I am and the life I have.  I wish I wasn’t so heavy.  I wish I didn’t have so much debt (thank you adoption, staying home as a mom, and college (undergrad, grad, grad, grad) and private school for our kids).  But all of those things that have put us in debt–have added so much more to our lives than they’ll cost us in the long run.

This is the year to put up or shut up.  I’ll finish my dissertation research and my dissertation before I turn 41.  I’ll finally commit to getting into the shape I want to be and to being healthy.  I owe it to myself and my kids.  I can say it hasn’t been a priority–because I have had other priorities–school, family, school, school, work, family.  But now it is time to make health a priority and to set a good example for my kids.

I love my life and who I am.  I can’t complain about being 40, because I can’t complain about where I am and what I have that makes my life great.

I use to wish for things and now I have everything I have ever wished for.  Everything else is gravy.  I have an amazing husband and two of the most wonderful kids in the world.  I have a family that I love and loves me.  I have a community that I belong to and amazing opportunities.  I have an education that is worth every single penny (and it’s a lot of pennies :)).  Is it perfect?  To others, no.  To me?  Absolutely. I would not trade what I am, who I am or what I have for anything.

*********************

I dropped the ball with updating about my donating.  But I will give you a final total–I was able to ‘save’ $275 of money I would have otherwise spent on stuff we didn’t need and donate it all to charities.  I donated to many well known charities and to some smaller ones.  I am proud of what I was able to do in 6 weeks time.  Will I keep doing it?  I don’t know.  I will to some degree and I am a lot more aware of what I am spending and if it is really something we need.

60-Months-Old

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

Dear Noah Hojawaka,

21,901 days ago, somewhere in Ethiopia, your birth mother pushed you into the world. This is what I wrote this summer about this day,

The  pain ripped through her heart
more than it ripped through
her womb.
The thought of a life born and
given a way
at the same time
A dream long dreamt;
a nightmare forever
lived.

He wondered where she had
gone and if she had
given birth yet?
Was she able to surrender
the baby that was
theirs?
A child that would always
be theirs and never
know them.

He felt her tears wet on
his face as she
prepared to leave.
He suckled and gazed at
her face.  A face
he would forget.
His loss one that he would not
recognize or realize
until much later.

I cannot believe how much you have changed through the years.  You have grown so much, so fast.  You are the kindest child and such a good friend.  You are a perfectionist and often bang you head or hand in frustration as you learn a new song on the piano–my own little Schroeder.  But then you get the song right and you are on top of the world.  Your determination and quest for perfection will serve you well in this world that will often seem to be working against you.  It will also cause you great heartache as you find things you just can’t master.  I will let you find your own successes and failures and to define them as well.  So far, you are doing it amazingly well.

Last night, on you final night of being 4, I snuggled in bed with you and told you how proud I was of you.  You innocently asked me “for what mama?” To which I replied, “I’m proud of how kind you are and what a good friend and brother you are.  I’m proud that you respect other peoples feelings and how good you are growing up.”  I cried a little in your bed as you drifted off to sleep on the eve of being 5.  Not because you are growing up (although that’s certainly enough reason) but I cried because your Ethiopian mom can’t share this will us.  I wish with all my heart, I could tell her how amazing you are and that she could look into those amazing eyes and see the purity of your soul and character.  I wish I could tell her what a great boy you are.  I wish I could thank her for her sacrifice.  I wish she could feel your love.  I wish she could feel mine.

You are learning to read, ever so slowly and I am sorry that I don’t have more time to teach you to read.  But I believe that when you are home you should be able to play and I know that you’ll be reading soon enough and I don’t want to push too hard.  Maybe these are excuses I am making up, because I love watching you play and have fun.  Maybe I’m lazy.

This year you have graciously agreed to forgo presents at your birthday party with  your friends in favor of collecting monetary donations for Ethiopia.  This has made me so very proud and it’s also something I wish your Ethiopian mother could know.  You have taken pride in the idea that you are raising money for Ethiopia.  I love that we have been able to instill in you a love of Ethiopia and feelings of wanting to give back to the country and people who have given us so much.  We will be making our donation in honor of your Ethiopian mother–it is the least we can do.

Oh how your sense of humor has developed.  Every once in a while, I’ll hear you laugh while watching SpongeBob and it makes me smile that you are starting to get humor and comedy.  You love a good joke and try to make up your own and it’s pretty amusing. You and S are still best friends and talk about getting married.  You also fight and disagree and it’s just as cute as when you hold hands.  You’re a good one Noah.  Stay that way.

You have moved from super heroes to Star Wars and Legos are your go to toy these days.  You are becoming more and more adventurous with eating and I have to say that you really are an amazing kid and I am so lucky to get to be your mom.  You love basketball and are looking forward to flag football.  You can dance with the best of them and have some great hip-hop moves that I have no idea how you learned because your dad and I can’t dance to save our lives.

I love you Noah.  I love being your mom.  I love being your family.  You were meant to be our kid.  I am so lucky to get to be your mom.  I hope you always know how much I love, respect and honor your Ethiopian mom.

Keep growing Noah–you have done both of your mom’s proud.

Love,
Mama

468 Months Old (+2 days)

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

Wow.  Not sure where the past 39 years and 2 days have gone.  Time just escapes me.  Okay, so I’m being a bit melodramatic.  But I’m 39 and get to be.

I am not sure that I am where I expected to be at 39.  I have done nothing in my life traditionally.  I didn’t go to college out of high school.  I didn’t choose my career until I was 30 and didn’t even begin to work in that field until I was 31.  I then only worked for 4 years and then stayed home with my son and then my daughter.  I have been in school the entire span of my 3rd decade of life and will be in school until I enter my 4th decade.  I never imagined this would be the path my life would take.  No one expected my life to be immersed in academia.  It still surprises my family when I talk about what I am studying (currently that is critical discourse analysis) and they wonder out loud if this is the girl they knew.

I guess that is the beauty of getting older.  I’m not the girl they knew.  The woman I am today was shaped by that girl, but she smashed through arbitrarily placed boundaries and has forged her own path.  A path that I am so happy I took.  It lead me to my husband, my children, and my career.  I wouldn’t go back and do it differently.  There is nothing in my life I’d like to change (well I’d like to be debt free–these student loans and the whole mortgage thing really get in a girls way of having a good time).  I am who I am inspite of what people expected of me.  I am who I am because of age and for that–I am happy to be 39.

This last year of my 30’s is going to be great.  I am going to finally get in shape and drop all the weight  I want to drop.  I am holding myself to that.  I owe it to my kids and myself to be in the best shape I can.  I am going to finally finish school–I won’t take any more classes after I am 40.  I’ll still be enrolled in school, but I won’t be a student.  I can’t wait for that.  So, here’s to my 30’s…you have been very very good to me.  I promise to pay it back and forward.

Melkam Lidet Little Man

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

Yesterday Noah went to sleep 3 years old and woke up 4 years old today.  4 years ago in Debre Zeyit a 16-year-old girl, scared and alone gave birth to Hojawaka.  She loved him with all of her heart–I know that. I believe that.  We love him for you–you love him through us.  Four means a lot.  When we first picked Noah up in Ethiopia he was gravely ill–looked gravely ill.  He wouldn’t eat.  He was despondent and we didn’t know when we’d be able to bring him home.  If we’d be bringing him home.  It still saddens me to write that.  He was so sick.  But he bounced back beautifully through love.  He is amazing.  I am blessed each day that I am allowed to be his mother.  The one to raise him and nurture him.  I am also sad that his amazing birth mother (where ever she may be) doesn’t get this joy.  To know this amazing boy who will do amazing things.  This day isn’t only about Noah it’s about that scared teenage girl in Ethiopia.  We honor her today as well.

Four.  It is such a big number.  He is so excited to be four.  He has been waiting to be four since September when his best friend Sophie turned four.  Today is the day.  He wanted pumpkin muffins to share with his class. So, I baked late last night.  Tonight we are having a small family dinner at a local pizza place.  All and all it should be a great day.

Dear Noah,

Today you turn 4 (48 months old).  You have changed in so many ways since you were three.  You now can ride a bike (w/training wheels).  You can write your name.  You can spell some important words–you name, friends names, you sister’s name, zoo.  You can read STOP and we can no longer spell B.A.T.H without you whipping off your clothes and running to the bathroom.

You love to entertain and you enjoying attempting to tell a joke–which really are just silly little observances you make up and we are suppose to laugh at.  You are a sensitive boy who likes to please and doesn’t like to disappoint.  You want to be liked and don’t understand people who are mean.  You still won’t eat a vegetable unless it’s Imo’s salad at Grandpa Mikes house or Avocado.

I am in awe of the way you love your sister.  You two have such a special bond.  I hope it keeps growing in strength. You two are best friends.  I promise that at some point you two won’t be sharing a bed.  I do realize that it will be weird when your teenagers.  And because we are sending you to fancy private school–there is no money for therapy so we’ll get Bobo her own bed soon.

You have an affinity for sports–especially those that involve throwing–you have quite the arm on you for a little boy.  You love football, soccer, baseball and bike riding–first Ethiopian Tour de France winner?  Don’t tell your dad–he’s ready to pack you up and move you to England for proper football (soccer training).

These past 3 years and 7 months have been the most amazing years of my life.  To think how far you have come and how far you have to still travel.  I love you little man and am right there with you when you need me.

XOXO,
I love you
Mommy