Over the past few days, I have noticed an increased amount of judgement and vitriol.  Whether it is about Elin (Tiger’s ex) destroying what looked like a beautiful mansion, Beyonce and Jay-Z having a baby, Adult Adoptee speaking out about the importance of birth family relationships and visits, or adults deciding that middle school students need to be policed for being kids.

I purposefully did not provide links–this is not a post about these stories, but rather about the way we react to the stories and what we perceive as the truth.  I admit that I am not perfect and I’ll read things and I will judge ad maybe judge harshly.  But I do it in silence.  Does this make it better?  I think it does.  One of the worst things about the Internet and our increased ability to know the details of people’s lives as they happen is that there appears to be no more filtering of thoughts.  People just spew their thoughts into the comments forgetting that there are real people out there reading the comments.  And that because the news cycle is so fast and so constant–it is probably going to be a day or so before all the details can be gathered and the “real” story can be told.  And really, don’t we all have enough going on in our lives to worry about?  I know I don’t have time to care that Elin bulldozed a 12-million dollar house.  I have kids to pick up, dinner to make and work to do.

I know that there are many bloggers (myself included) who have been judged in our own spaces for the details we share.  The most successful mommy bloggers are judged constantly for what they chose to share about their lives.  Somehow it’s okay to judge and make sweeping generalizations online.  It is certainly easy enough to get caught up in them and to allow ourselves to be swayed by the comments and harsh judgements of strangers.  Of the Haters. The Trolls.

As the mother of an almost 6-year-old (how the hell did that happen?), I find myself teaching that one golden rule “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.”  There is a difference between sharing one’s own experiences and feelings than there is to judging the choices that others make.  It makes me really angry that when I read articles online from my local newspaper about the problems with urban ed, that the comments flare up with hate fueled rhetoric about how the city kids don’t deserve nice things, etc.  Or that the teachers in the city don’t care about kids.  Or when some tragedy strikes, the trolls come out and disparage the parents.

Just because you think something doesn’t mean you have to type it.  Just because someone does something you don’t understand doesn’t mean you have to judge them harshly.  The world isn’t fair.  Do I wish I had the resources of Beyonce and Jay-Z?  Sure, but that isn’t their fault.  I don’t begrudge them their 2000 square foot nursery–or however big it is.  I don’t begrudge them their nanny or any other choice of help they decide to make.  It is their life and I am happy to let them live it.  My life is my life and I am happy that I am free to live it.

I love the internet.  I love my blogging community.  I love my friends on Facebook.  I have met some great friends through these communities and it allows me to share a piece of my life (the good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing).  I know that this opens me up to the trolls.  I’ve been lucky that I’m obscure enough that no one pays much attention to me. But the internet, social media, social networks have made it way to easy for people to be mean and nasty.  Too easy for people to openly judge others harshly.  Adults are even worse than teens.  Cyber-bullying isn’t something that only happens to teens and kids.

You want to speak out?  Speak out in a way that is helpful.  Don’t just hate and attack others you don’t know.

“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”