I am “unofficially” a doctoral student. I should get my formal invitation to start the program in a week or two. I will be admitted in Jan 08 and have 8 years to complete my degree. WOO HOO!!!! Now the hard part starts.
Education
The Carnage
Well, my interview is over. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I knew the types of questions they would ask in advance but it didn’t make it any easier. I am not sure I was as articulate as I needed and wanted to be. I believe that I answered each questions to the best of my ability–which at this point is suspect. I won’t find out for two weeks if I am accepted or not. It is going to be a hard two weeks. I just don’t know. I feel beat up and a little out of sorts…At least it is over.
When Will I Learn
Not to wait until the last minute to do my homework? I have been a student pretty much my entire life. I have 2 books a week to read for school–1 per class. But I wait and I wait until I have only 1-2 days to read the one book leaving me only about 12 hours to read the other book. How horrible a student am I? And I’m teacher to boot. Homework doesn’t get any easier the older you get…I really think it is quite the opposite, it seems more absurd as you get older. I mean come on, who wants to read about writing across the curriculum when they can dance to bluegrass music with their toddler or watch trashy tv or play with him at the park?
Obviously not me…as it is six in the morning and I am up early on the day of my class trying to finish reading the last 100 pages and write my 2 page paper…
A familiar feeling…
I know that today will also not be the day. But I have this feeling…the best thing to liken it to is when you first meet the special someone and you are preparing for your first date. I have butterflies in my stomach and I can’t concentrate on anything else, but what that date will be like. This is how I felt when I met my husband–I felt this way instaneously and now I can’t kick the feeling. I know that soon, I will meet the next love of my life. I want it to be soon, so that I can concentrate on that at least.
This weekend I will stay busy as I grade 55 senior research papers by Monday–so they can know if they will be graduating. I also want to paint my kitchen so that we can hang the cabinets next weekend. My husband is leaving on a golf weekend so I will have the whole house to myself. It is nice to have alone time every now and again. I also plan a black ops trip to Babies R Us. I will try to contain myself, but the new love of my life needs lots of things.
Why Me???
Unfortunately the only babies we have right now are of the furry variety. We have 2 dogs–they will be 7 soon, 1-10 yr old cat and the two babies at the left. I keep joking with my husband that if we don’t have a baby soon we will need to move to a farm because our house is too small for more animals. My mother instinct is so strong right now, I want something little to care for. How sad am I???
The title refers to my situation as a high school teacher. I just found out today that I have yet another student who is pregnant. I teach juniors and seniors in high school. This student makes number 17 on th year–for me a lone–that is pregnant or delievered a baby already this school year. It makes me want to scream. I can’t believe that these teens who look forward to living on welfare–they have told me such when I ask how they are going to raise and pay for thier baby–can get pregnant wihtout a problem and that my husband and I who have science on our side can’t. It just isn’t fair. Yes I know who said life would be fair? No one, but come on the cosmic forces must know that I would be a better parent than a 16 year old who can’t even finish her homework. I had one student–this burns my ass–who went into labor 2+ months early because she got into a fight. Yeah she is more fit to be a parent than me.
I know I sound like a whiny little baby, but we have been trying to have a family for 5 years and it has been a very long emotional road. I can’t believe that it really will happen soon, of course not before 4 or 5 more of my students deliever thier babies.
On a lighter note–I am fifty, yes fifty pounds lighter than I was 5 months ago. That atleast gives me something to smile about…When will our referral come? Soon please!!!! If someone out there is the cosmic space could take some time off from letting my teenage students get pregnant and helping those of us waiting to be parents to those orphans in Ethiopia who need us we would really appreciate it.
Embracing Imperfection 