My Modem Hates Me

I get this fabulous new computer for Christmas and my modem decides it no longer wants to work and offer me internet service.  So here I am at Panera using its free wi-fi and rue the day.  I just want to be able to play with my new computer and check my email.  I love email.  I miss email.  I have gone for nearly two days with limited internet connection and I am going to go crazy.  I am going out of town tomorrow so won’t have much if any internet access and that just frustrates me more.  UGH!!!!

Things have been crazy at home.  We are working on Minnow’s fifth day of Christmas.  The presents just keep coming.  I am ready to be done with wrapping paper and putting things together.  Have I said how much I love my new laptop.  It rocks.  It has a raised battery so that it is nicely propped for easy use and the keyboard slightly rises for more comfort.  Hubby is the best. 

I promise to post some pictures from Minnow’s Christmas extravagance as well as some video.  Did I tell you all that my little 20-month-old can play the harmonica?  Well he can and he is pretty good.  This boy’s talents never cease.  My MIL leaves tomorrow and I am so sad for Minnow.  He is smitten with her.  He follows her around everywhere and wants to be with her all the time.  It is awesome.  I am sad she is leaving and that she lives 2000 miles away and only sees Minnow once or twice a year.  That just totally sucks.  It has been great having her here. 

Well, I am off to get back home.  I have one more chair to put together and a babysitter to line up for tonight.  Hope everyone’s holiday season (whatever holiday you celebrate) was great.  See you all soon. 

Take A Breath

I have been pushing myself a little crazy with the impending visit of my MIL–not because she is coming but because our house wasn’t ready for her to come.  I am so excited for her to get to spend some quality time with Minnow.  He hasn’t seen her since February and I am sad about that.  I wish she could/would visit more.  I know this is a big change from what I thought last year after she came, but I have begun to understand, realize and accept that it isn’t about me or hubby.  It isn’t even about my MIL it is about Minnow and his future sister and any other kids we have.  It is important for them to get to have this time with their grandparents.  Grandparents are great and Minnow has a great relationship with my parents because he sees them every week.  But sadly he only sees hubby’s parents once or twice a year.  It saddens me. I was lucky enough to have my parents stay married but my grandparents were all still married and they lived in town.  They were a big part of my life and some of my fondest memories are of spending time with them.  I know Minnow will have those types of memories about my parents but I really want him to have those memories of hubby’s parents as well. 

We will be home this holiday season and I will try to post a few times when I can.  I hope you all take a breath and enjoy the special blessings that make life truely great. 

Happy Holidays

Thankful Post Three or Day 21

It is very humbling to sit and think about all the things you are thankful for and the reasons why you are thankful for them.  And how much larger some of these things are than my little somewhat insignificant self.  Today my thanks goes a long way–half way around the world from where I sit right now. 

I am thankful for the opportunity to be Minnow’s mom. 

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He is the light of my life.  I was angry for a long time that I was infertile.  Nothing we tried worked (we will attempt IVF this summer/fall).  I felt like a failure as a woman.  It was my job as a woman to bring forth child and I couldn’t.  I won’t get into those feelings as this is a post about thanks.  I now understand why I have been cursed/blessed with infertility.  I was meant/destined to be Minnow’s mom.  I cannot imagine for even a nanosecond another child being mine.  Minnow is a part of me in every way a child is a part of their parent.  I knew from the first moment I laid eyes on him that he was my son.  I loved him instantly and the love has only grown stronger and deeper each moment he is my son.  I am thankful that I could not conceive because if we did we would not have Minnow. 

For those of you who have never met Minnow–which is the majority of you–he is an amazing little boy.  He lights up a room when he enters and his smile is genuine, deep, and embodies his very amazing spirit.  He is strong-willed and loving.  He is special.  He has changed our lives for the better and for that I will be forever grateful. 

I am also grateful to Ethiopia for opening its doors to those of us across the globe who want to desperately to be parents and have chosen adoption or whose only hope of parenthood is adoption.  I am forever grateful to Ethiopia for giving us our son. 

I am thankful (and sad) beyond words that Minnow’s birthmom has allowed for us to raise this child.  I feel so strongly that we were meant to be his parents and because of that I must also feel that Minnow’s mom really had no other choice but to give him up.  I do not know her circumstances but I am no longer guilty at being grateful that she was courageous enough to give Minnow to us.  I think of her often and I hope that she can feel deep in her heart and soul that Minnow is very loved and is a very special boy.  Thank you MA.  We love you and are very grateful for you. 

I am thankful that I am a mom.  I am thankful that being a mom has helped me better understand my parents as well as hubby’s parents.  Parenthood is awesome.  Parenthood cannot be taken for granted as we don’t know how long we have with those we love.  Minnow knows his birth mom loved him–he is so giving of love.  I know this is only because he has been loved since the day he was born–probably even before. 

 Thank you….

Thankful Post Two or Day 20

I am so blessed in my life and have so many things to be thankful for–it is hard to separate out each thing.  I am posting today about my husband.  I am so thankful for him and his love and support, his kind and gentle way, and for the husband he is and the father he is becoming. 

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I met my husband over 11 years ago on the heels of the demise of a horribly unhealthy relationship.  Hubby was a breath of fresh air.  He stole my heart on our first “date” and I have never looked back.  That is not to say that our relationship didn’t have ups and downs while we were both figuring things out–like how much we really liked each other and what we really wanted out of live and love.  It took years for us to admit/decide that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.  He has given me so much, that it is hard to write it all here without getting too personal–which I prefer not to do (there are somethings that don’t need to be alive in cyberspace forever).  I am lucky to have found a man who knows his heart and is constantly pushing his own limits–intellectually and spiritually.  He longs to be the best man he can be and in that I am lucky.  He puts me first often and our son always.  He loves my family and welcomes them into our lives all the time–even on days he would rather hang out and not socialize. 

He is a model man and our son could not ask for a better man to teach him and show him how to be a man.  I am thankful that he knows how to cry and express how he feels.  He is the communicator in our family and he asks me to do the difficult task of expressing myself.  I am a closed book and he has figured out how to open me.  I love him for that–as it was not easy.  Thank you hubby for making me better each day and for showing me I deserve to be loved and happy and for giving me hope.  I love you and am thankful everyday that you walked into my bar and didn’t give up on me.  Thank you. 

Thankful Post One or Day 19

I am not one who is big on prescriptive holidays.  I try to celebrate the people I love often and without prompting from Hallmark and others.  I know that Thanksgiving isn’t a Hallmark holiday, but it is a holiday that has lost a lot of meaning and has become about turkey, football and pumpkin pie.  I have decided to honor those things I am thankful for all week.  I will post about one thing each day and pay homage to those/that which I am most thankful for.  It is so important to be thankful as we live in a world of vastness, isolation, excess and material pressures. 

I am thankful first and foremost for my family. 

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I have been blessed with two parents who love me intensely and unconditionally and who would move heaven and earth to help me in anyway they can.  They pushed me to the best person, woman, sister, daughter, wife and mom that I can be.  They supported me when I needed support and forced me to stand on my own when I leaned too much.  I am thankful that my parents sacrificed their happiness to keep our family together, so that we as kids didn’t have to endure separate homes and separate families. While I was growing up, I often resented my parents for their unhappiness and often wished they would divorce.  Looking back, I know that they did what was best for us.  They made the best of a bad situation and I think we all benefited from it.  Thank you mom and dad.  Your sacrifice is not forgotten…

I am thankful for my two amazing and wonderful brothers.  They are younger than me by 3 and 4 years.  We were not always close and we have not always seen eye to eye, but they are two of my best friends.  The love I feel for them is unrivaled (except for the love for my son and hubby–but family ties are super strong).  I would do anything for them and I know that they would do anything to help me and each other.  I am lucky to live in the same city as my parents and my baby brother.  The middle brother lives in Chicago–so he is very close.  I am lucky to have a close family and a family that loves so greatly.  To them I am thankful for helping me become who I am today and for allowing me to be such an important and integral piece of their life. 

To my family…I love you.