Family

Oh How Parenting Has Changed

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

This weekend we celebrated one of my grandma’s 84th birthday.  We all got together at her house for dinner and desert.  This us to be something we did nearly every week when I was growing up and all of us kids were small.  Now many of us kids have our own kids and busy lives.  Which means we don’t get to see each other very often.  My kids got to play with their cousin (first cousin once removed to be technical) and had a blast.  They played with their great aunt and uncles and laughed.  It was nice to see energy and life in my grams house that hasn’t been there is so long.

We got to telling the stories we remembered from our own parents childhoods.  The ones that get told over and over again by us kids about our parents, aunts and uncles.  Like the time my uncle stuck his tongue to a metal pole and then had it ripped off.  Or the time my other uncle feel down in the sewer.  Or the time my dad and some buddies accidentally started a bulldozer and ran.  Or the time my aunt fell out of a car.  Good stories.  Well, this weekend I was reminded about how much parenting has changed.

My dad told a story that had me laughing hysterically.  He was about 7 and the street was being repaved/tarred and he and his buddies were playing in it and he came home covered in tar.  My grandpa who was a hard man.  He is a bit rough and old world didn’t hit my dad or loose his temper, he simply handed my dad a rag and a can of gasoline, stood him in the backyard and told him to clean up.  “But don’t rub to hard or you’ll set yourself on fire,” he said as he walked away.  My dad said he cried hysterically the whole time he rubbed it off his harms seriously thinking he might actually catch on fire.  We all laughed hysterically.  My dad said he certainly never played in tar again.

I can’t imagine telling something like that to my kids by in the 50’s parenting was very different.  But I’ll never get that image out of my head and every time I think about it I laugh just a little.

Thanks for the laugh gramps.  Miss you.

And The Crazy Train Is Leaving The Station

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

I know there are lots and lots of people out there who drive with their kids to far away destinations.  We have not been one of those families until now.  The furthest we have driven with the kids is Beverly Shores, Indiana (5.5 hours).  We have flown everywhere else we have ever gone further away than that.  That is all about to change.  Today we leave to embark on our first road trip to Texas.  My father-in-law and step-mom-in-law live just north of Austin and we are doing our familial duty of visiting them.  It has been over two years since they have seen the kids, aside from Skype.  I’ll be honest, I am not looking forward to it.  We aren’t driving straight through–partially because Bill and I hate being in the car for a long time and if you know Bill he’s a big guy and sitting for hours on end isn’t easy for him.  So we are breaking the trip up and taking 3 days to drive to their house–where we will be sleeping/camping in their RV–and three days to drive home and then are there for 3 nights.

It will be an adventure to say the very least.  I promise to post death toll/time-out updates.  Driving for 13+ hours just doesn’t sound fun when one has two children who Never. Stop. Talking.  Here’s to hoping we all survive.

My Life Has Become A Bad Holiday Drama

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

on lifetime no less.  Why do some families have to be so difficult?  Seriously?  This is suppose to be a happy, joyful season.  Well, when your family is frickin’ insane, it’s really the season for insanity and crazy.  I love my family, but they can totally drive me crazy and are such drama queens.  So, Christmas is always a drama of some sort as is anytime there is a holiday and we have to all attempt to juggle our lives and what we want to do.  Everyone has their own ideas and we are all very independent but we like to do things together yet we don’t often want to do the same things.

My mom and youngest brother run an ice skating rink–it’s outdoor and it is only open from mid-November to late February.  So 3 1/2 months is all the time they have to make a years worth of $$$.  They often can’t do much over the holidays as it’s their busy time.  I totally understand that and I think we all do.  But my other brother and partner are coming down and we all want to go to dinner.  We were nice enough to include my mom and brother in the invitation and OMG–was that the totally wrong this to do.  It has totally blown out of proportion and gotten insane.  I feel it’s a bit like that seen in Home for the Holidays and they all explode at each other at the dinner table.  Now, all I am wanting for the holidays is for them to be over so I can enjoy some peaceful time with my hubby and kids and without all the crazy.

Thank goodness for wine.

Sorry, But It Just Isn’t For Us

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 5 Comments

Family vacations are fun right?  Well they should be and they should be about all members of the family.  We happen to be the only members of my immediate family who have kids and who will ever have kids–neither of my brother will have kids–it’s just a fact.  And if you don’t have kids or haven’t had kid in a while (say like 30+) years you can’t get what it’s like to travel with kids.

My mom, for the past three years has taken us on a family vacation.  The first year–house in St. Maarten–absolute debacle.  Kids upset and crying almost the whole time, long car rides to dinner–a lot of separate time.  It’s really two separate vacations–the one for those with kids and the ones without.  Second year, Cruise–key west, Cozumel.  Cool, but kids didn’t get off the boat because there was nothing for kids to do off the boat (they were 3 and 1).  Still a little sucky, but less.  Kids stayed on the boat while we did a few adult together things.  Third year, Cruise–grand cayman, half moon cay, Nassau.  Better, kids did camp a couple times and made a few friends.  Two ports were good with kids–swimming pool and beach, but still–it was us with kids and those without kids–always separate.  ALWAYS.

Bill and I after a lot of talking, decided we weren’t going to go this year or possibly the next few years.  We won’t go on a cruise again–we don’t like cruises.  While these vacations are “free”, they cost too much money for something we don’t really want to do and don’t really have any fun on.  No one consults us for shore excursions–well my mom did when we were in Grand Cayman–but no one else does.  No one sits and hangs out with us.  They play with the kids for a few minutes and then are bored with that and go do their own thing.  Which I get, but then don’t be all pissy when we say we don’t want to go.  Don’t get all mad when we say we don’t like cruises and don’t want to do another one.  The kids are often miserable–they want to swim, but the pools are salt water, small and crowded.  They want to play with their uncles–they are reading, laying in the sun (not something a 4 or 3 year old wants to do) or doing something grown-up like gambling in the casino. So the kids get their feelings hurt because their uncles really don’t want to spend time with them unless they are forced to at dinner or there is nothing else going on.

I’m not faulting them.  Not having kids is a luxury and having them is work.  A LOT of work.  Vacationing with children who aren’t your own (and sometimes with your own) isn’t all that fun.  Just because we all go together and have balconies that open up together doesn’t mean that we are vacationing together.  When half of the group does exactly what they want and the other half does only what they can manage with little ones–it isn’t a vacation.

Part of the problem is that my brothers are selfish.  I love them, but they are selfish.  They do what they want to do.  My brother who lives in town, doesn’t go out of his way to come and visit my kids and neither does my mom.  They don’t relate to the kids and they really aren’t that involved in their lives, in any real way.  They show little interest in my kids and our family.  I just don’t feel part of the family sometimes.  I’m the outsider.  I’m the one who can’t afford fancy vacations (we have kids in private school.  We lived on one income for 3+ years).  I’m the messy one, who doesn’t have time to keep my house spotless–partly because of kids and partly because that is just who I am.

I think that is my problem/issue.  I’m not accepted in my family (with my brothers or mom) for who I am. I’m often ridiculed and talked about for who I am, messy, bad money manager, in school.  My brother refused for weeks to come to my house for christmas morning because I’m not a good enough housekeeper and he wants to have it his way.  My other brother once said he’d only watch my kids if my house was clean.

Wow, who knew I had all of this pent up in me.  I am an outsider in my own family and they judge me and my husband unabashedly.  As though they are perfect.  I’m done trying to please them and I’m…just done.  I love my brothers, but I’m not really all that sure how much I like them or how much they like me.  This sucks.

I Bought 22, But That’s Too Many Right?

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

me (via email): Noah wants some Star Wars action figures for Christmas.  Do you already know what you are getting him.

mom (email):  You tell me what to get him.

me (email):  Get him some Star Wars action figures.  He really wants them–yoda, anakin skywalker, darth vader, luke skywalker, han solo, and obi-wan kenobi.

mom (email): I’m going shopping today.  I’ll let you know what I get.

Simple enough, right?

Message from mom:  So I went shopping today and got Noah some of those action figures.  I bought 22 of them.  So…I’ll have  you come over and pick out the ones to give him.  I don’t think I’ll give him all 22 at Christmas…that would be too many (she doesn’t sound so sure).  I could keep some and give him the rest for his birthday (in 4 months).  I also got the operation game and…..

Really?  Gotta love grandmas.