120 Months.

That number doesn’t even seem possible.  I don’t know how so much time has passed already.  With each day, I feel you growing up and slipping away.  I know you won’t every “go away.”  But, you’ll need me less and while there are times I welcome that separation–the inevitable growing up that happens brings with it a bittersweet sadness.

These days have been a magical ride and I am so lucky to get to be your mom.  Watching you grow into the boy you are (almost a young man) has been humbling.  You are funny, kind, sensitive, loyal, honest, and determined.  You are respected by your friends parents and the kind of kid others hope to have.  You do all of this because it is who you are–hopefully it is who we have helped shape you to be.

Your smile gets me every time.  Your laugh is infectious.  You know what you like and what you don’t.  I hope this resolve stays with you as the world will offer you many things that I hope you are strong enough to say no to.  You have a good head on your shoulders and it will lead you in the right direction if you listen to it and not to the suggestions of your friends.

I know that we are moving into the time of your life, where I have to start being a bit more cautious about where and what I let you do.  I’m glad that you are small for your age–that makes your brown skin less scary.  There will be times that I don’t let you do simple things, and I hope you understand that is because I want to keep you safe.  Your friends won’t always understand why there are certain things you have to be more careful of than they are.  Trust your dad and I.

Follow your dreams.  Leave it all out on the soccer field at every practice and game.  If you want to have a chance at your soccer dream–you have to be the hardest worker at every practice and in every game.  Listen.  Taking criticism is hard–but it is necessary. You have to trust that the coaches know more than you do.  Listen to what they are saying and think about how you can get better. Having someone give you a suggestion doesn’t mean what you did was wrong or bad–it just means there is maybe a better/different way.  Be open.  Understand it’s okay to not be perfect and not know everything.  You cannot get better if you don’t make mistakes.

Thank you for being an amazing son.  I can’t imagine what our life would be like without you.  Raising you is a privilege and I have loved every minute of it.

Happy 10th Birthday Noah.

Noah,

Yesterday (last Sunday) Three weeks ago you turned 7. Seven. SEVEN. I don’t know how in the world that is possible. How did you grown so fast? It seems like just yesterday you were a little 10 pound, 4-month-old fighting for your life. And now…

You are an amazing little man.  You have always been an extrovert and a pretty active kid.  Your activity level only continues to grow as you do.  You would be happy outside playing ball (football, soccer, baseball, basketball) all day and night if someone was out there with you–watching or playing with you.   You would prefer playing with someone.   I was a kid who loved playing with others but I also enjoyed being alone.  You, on the other hand, absolutely hate being alone and it is like torture for you to be told to play on your own (I totally know that you NEED a big brother–sorry that isn’t going to happen).

You have made some great friendships and you are a sought after friend.  You have made some connections that are strong and I know that you will be friends with many of these kids for a very long time.  You are a social kid and you play with whomever wants to play what you want (mostly sports–kickball is a favorite at school).  I worry about this sometimes as it is so important to be able to negotiate relationships and compromise.  I know you’ll figure it out as you make friends everywhere you go and are quick to form bonds.  I, as an adult, could learn a lot from you in this regard.  It should be about having friends who like to do the same things you do and it is important to surround yourself with people who like you and respect your needs and wants.  I think you are certainly learning that now and I hope these lessons follow you throughout your life.

You love to have fun. You laugh as much as you cry. You are emotional and you experience all of life’s emotions with a deepness that both exhilarates and worries me. Your smile still lights up my entire being.  I can’t be upset or sad or depressed when you (and your sister) are happy and laughing and/or smiling.  There is such a spirit to you.  Being your mother is pretty awesome.  There are moments when your emotions overwhelm you and then the meltdown happens.   You meltdown and I get irritated (sorry–you can work that out in therapy as an adult).  You have an incredible sense of fairness and you have a hard time understanding this when you perceive they aren’t fair.  It’s a struggle for you as it is for you dad and I as your parents.  I promise we are doing the best we can, but sometimes life isn’t fair and there is no way to fix that.

You love school and learning.  You are 100% present and engaged in your life and it is so beautiful to see that.  You still have several moments of wonder each day and learning something new excites you.  Your want to try everything and are relatively fearless.  You are getting ready to experience your first right of passage with your first grade campout at school–where you and two other 7-year-olds have to set up your own tent, carry all your own gear, rock climb, etc.  It’s your first real independent experience and I think you’ll come back a changed little boy.  You’ll be more confident and more comfortable with those unexpected moments.

I still can’t believe that you are SEVEN. But I can say these seven years have been amazing.  I look forward to what the upcoming year brings because watching you grow is such a gift.

Love you,

Mom

Dear Noah,

You turned six this past weekend.  Six.  SIX.  It seems like such a big number.  How is it possible that you already SIX?  It still seems like just yesterday that your dad and I were in Ethiopia simply hoping that you would survive.  That we would be able to love you for life.  How far you have come from that sick little boy we clung to for dear life.  Now look at you.

You have changed so much in the last 365 days. And much of what I wrote last year  remains the same.  Your birthday is bitter sweet for me.  I am so lucky to get to be your mom, but I feel so sad for your Ethiopian Mom who doesn’t get the joy of watching you grow every day.  To see you change each year.   Your birthday is a celebration not only of life, but also of sacrifice and loss.

Where to start…your personality has become very clear.  I think it must be about this time that many of us resign ourselves to our kids personality traits and stop trying to write it off as age-related.  You are sensitive and you don’t like to be teased.  You take everything personal.  It is hard for me, as I come from a family where we tease each other relentlessly.  I am trying to explain this to you and attempting to teach you how to tease back–I am failing miserably, but will keep trying.

You still struggle with expressing your feelings.  You are quick to respond “fine, I’m never playing with you again.”  Your biggest insult is calling someone (usually me) a “meanie” and you hit a little too often.  Never with the malicious intent of hurting someone–but to show the person how they have hurt you.  We are trying to teach you how to ignore your little sister (to no avail) and how to get upset without saying something that might hurt someone else.  Sometimes is frustrates me, because I hate to see you hurt someone.  You feel bad after you hurt someone–but you are working through the idea of “justice.”  I am hoping that you learn to control your feelings more as you get older.  I often forget that you are still young and making sense of your world.

You have become quite that class clown–this is a bit of a surprise.  But you have learned that you can make people laugh and you really like that.  You are also super social, so being quiet when you are with your friends is hard and I often here “well so and so talked to me.” and how it would be rude not to answer.  Way to throw my words back at me.

You have started to find your sports niche.  You have started judo/tae kwon do and you really love it.  You have your yellow belt already and are anxiously awaiting testing for your orange belt.  You have a knack for the forms and could be a little more aggressive when it come to “fighting” but you awesome.  You have also developed a love for gymnastics (I know your dad wishes it was soccer) but it has been really good for your strength and for your confidence.  But you are most excited about starting baseball (really it’s t-ball) but you are counting down the days until practices start this week.

You still occupy yourself most of the time with your legos–and it is all Ninjago all the time with you these days.  Your DS collects more dust that hours played and that is okay by me.  I have figured that if you get to do what you want, you tend to chose good things to do.  You like video games, but not to the point where I need to institute a time limit.  This makes me happy.

You have learned to whistle (and you are an awesome whistler), read music (???–I’m beyond impressed), tie your shoes, and read.  You can do the splits, pull yourself up on the rings and can almost do one pull-up.  So many things come easy to you that you get really frustrated when something doesn’t.  But you work hard.  You practiced whistling and trying to whistle everyday for about 6 weeks until you had it mastered.  When you want something, you are relentless and willing to work hard.

You do everything 100% and you expect an immediate return.  But you are learning that thing take time.  You are a great friend and everyone in your class seeks you out as a playmate.  You are balancing your popularity with what you want to do and who you might like to play with.

You are a great brother to you sister and you are an amazing and loving son.  You are exploring your world and your sense of adventure is clear.  You’ll try nearly anything.  I am so blessed to be your mom.  I couldn’t ask for a better son.  Keep growing and exploring.

Happy Birthday Noah!

I love you,

Momma