Letters

60-Months-Old

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

Dear Noah Hojawaka,

21,901 days ago, somewhere in Ethiopia, your birth mother pushed you into the world. This is what I wrote this summer about this day,

The  pain ripped through her heart
more than it ripped through
her womb.
The thought of a life born and
given a way
at the same time
A dream long dreamt;
a nightmare forever
lived.

He wondered where she had
gone and if she had
given birth yet?
Was she able to surrender
the baby that was
theirs?
A child that would always
be theirs and never
know them.

He felt her tears wet on
his face as she
prepared to leave.
He suckled and gazed at
her face.  A face
he would forget.
His loss one that he would not
recognize or realize
until much later.

I cannot believe how much you have changed through the years.  You have grown so much, so fast.  You are the kindest child and such a good friend.  You are a perfectionist and often bang you head or hand in frustration as you learn a new song on the piano–my own little Schroeder.  But then you get the song right and you are on top of the world.  Your determination and quest for perfection will serve you well in this world that will often seem to be working against you.  It will also cause you great heartache as you find things you just can’t master.  I will let you find your own successes and failures and to define them as well.  So far, you are doing it amazingly well.

Last night, on you final night of being 4, I snuggled in bed with you and told you how proud I was of you.  You innocently asked me “for what mama?” To which I replied, “I’m proud of how kind you are and what a good friend and brother you are.  I’m proud that you respect other peoples feelings and how good you are growing up.”  I cried a little in your bed as you drifted off to sleep on the eve of being 5.  Not because you are growing up (although that’s certainly enough reason) but I cried because your Ethiopian mom can’t share this will us.  I wish with all my heart, I could tell her how amazing you are and that she could look into those amazing eyes and see the purity of your soul and character.  I wish I could tell her what a great boy you are.  I wish I could thank her for her sacrifice.  I wish she could feel your love.  I wish she could feel mine.

You are learning to read, ever so slowly and I am sorry that I don’t have more time to teach you to read.  But I believe that when you are home you should be able to play and I know that you’ll be reading soon enough and I don’t want to push too hard.  Maybe these are excuses I am making up, because I love watching you play and have fun.  Maybe I’m lazy.

This year you have graciously agreed to forgo presents at your birthday party with  your friends in favor of collecting monetary donations for Ethiopia.  This has made me so very proud and it’s also something I wish your Ethiopian mother could know.  You have taken pride in the idea that you are raising money for Ethiopia.  I love that we have been able to instill in you a love of Ethiopia and feelings of wanting to give back to the country and people who have given us so much.  We will be making our donation in honor of your Ethiopian mother–it is the least we can do.

Oh how your sense of humor has developed.  Every once in a while, I’ll hear you laugh while watching SpongeBob and it makes me smile that you are starting to get humor and comedy.  You love a good joke and try to make up your own and it’s pretty amusing. You and S are still best friends and talk about getting married.  You also fight and disagree and it’s just as cute as when you hold hands.  You’re a good one Noah.  Stay that way.

You have moved from super heroes to Star Wars and Legos are your go to toy these days.  You are becoming more and more adventurous with eating and I have to say that you really are an amazing kid and I am so lucky to get to be your mom.  You love basketball and are looking forward to flag football.  You can dance with the best of them and have some great hip-hop moves that I have no idea how you learned because your dad and I can’t dance to save our lives.

I love you Noah.  I love being your mom.  I love being your family.  You were meant to be our kid.  I am so lucky to get to be your mom.  I hope you always know how much I love, respect and honor your Ethiopian mom.

Keep growing Noah–you have done both of your mom’s proud.

Love,
Mama

Melkam Lidet Little Man

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

Yesterday Noah went to sleep 3 years old and woke up 4 years old today.  4 years ago in Debre Zeyit a 16-year-old girl, scared and alone gave birth to Hojawaka.  She loved him with all of her heart–I know that. I believe that.  We love him for you–you love him through us.  Four means a lot.  When we first picked Noah up in Ethiopia he was gravely ill–looked gravely ill.  He wouldn’t eat.  He was despondent and we didn’t know when we’d be able to bring him home.  If we’d be bringing him home.  It still saddens me to write that.  He was so sick.  But he bounced back beautifully through love.  He is amazing.  I am blessed each day that I am allowed to be his mother.  The one to raise him and nurture him.  I am also sad that his amazing birth mother (where ever she may be) doesn’t get this joy.  To know this amazing boy who will do amazing things.  This day isn’t only about Noah it’s about that scared teenage girl in Ethiopia.  We honor her today as well.

Four.  It is such a big number.  He is so excited to be four.  He has been waiting to be four since September when his best friend Sophie turned four.  Today is the day.  He wanted pumpkin muffins to share with his class. So, I baked late last night.  Tonight we are having a small family dinner at a local pizza place.  All and all it should be a great day.

Dear Noah,

Today you turn 4 (48 months old).  You have changed in so many ways since you were three.  You now can ride a bike (w/training wheels).  You can write your name.  You can spell some important words–you name, friends names, you sister’s name, zoo.  You can read STOP and we can no longer spell B.A.T.H without you whipping off your clothes and running to the bathroom.

You love to entertain and you enjoying attempting to tell a joke–which really are just silly little observances you make up and we are suppose to laugh at.  You are a sensitive boy who likes to please and doesn’t like to disappoint.  You want to be liked and don’t understand people who are mean.  You still won’t eat a vegetable unless it’s Imo’s salad at Grandpa Mikes house or Avocado.

I am in awe of the way you love your sister.  You two have such a special bond.  I hope it keeps growing in strength. You two are best friends.  I promise that at some point you two won’t be sharing a bed.  I do realize that it will be weird when your teenagers.  And because we are sending you to fancy private school–there is no money for therapy so we’ll get Bobo her own bed soon.

You have an affinity for sports–especially those that involve throwing–you have quite the arm on you for a little boy.  You love football, soccer, baseball and bike riding–first Ethiopian Tour de France winner?  Don’t tell your dad–he’s ready to pack you up and move you to England for proper football (soccer training).

These past 3 years and 7 months have been the most amazing years of my life.  To think how far you have come and how far you have to still travel.  I love you little man and am right there with you when you need me.

XOXO,
I love you
Mommy

21-Months-Old

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

Dear Zoë,

Two days ago you turned 21-months-old.  That is 21-months going on 3 or 4.  You are a personality to be reckoned with and you never let us forget it.  You are at that age where you are so rapidly changing and developing. You shine so bright that it is impossible not to notice you and become washed in your zest for life.  Your smile and laugh are infectious and you consistently crack yourself up over and over.

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You have really ceased being a toddler and are rapidly becoming a little girl.  A little girl who likes dolls and cars, pushing strollers and pushing spiderman or batman, who loves lip glass (thanks for that grandma anne) and getting dirty.  But most of all you love to have fun and you have a lot of it.  You dance and wrestle with your big brother–and he loves that.  You will stand by the back door for as long as it takes for someone to come look for you and take you outside.  You would live outside if you could.  You want to be outside all of the time doing all sorts of things–but mostly playing in the kiddie pool and swinging.  You’ll have me push you in the swing until I want to poke my eyes out with spoons.  You and Noah both would swing all day.  All. Day.  Just so you know it is great that you like to be outside and that you don’t enjoy watching much tv.  But your mom does love watching tv.  How I miss TV.  Oh, wait this is a letter for you.

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You are still such a tiny little thing.  Which blows my mind as you eat like a linebacker and would be happy to have a constant stream of food going into your mouth.  You will eat just about anything we give you–unlike your brother who doesn’t venture out of the hot dog, avocado, noodle, cheese, grapes food groups.  You are a champion eater.  Thank goodness eating is the one thing you do on your own with out any consulatation with your older brother.  This is the only thing that you don’t consult/copy your brother on.  You have to do everything Noah does. Still.  I should count myself lucky that your brother is a pretty good kid.  You have recently begun singing and since you really don’t have enough actual speech ability to sing all of the words its a cross between humming and singing.  “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” and the “ABC’s” are your two songs of choice and often you combine them and it is pretty funny.  Cute but funny.

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We have added a kitten to the house and it has been a few weeks (maybe a month) but you love that kitty and it is pretty cute.  You look for her and call out for her.  She comes to you often–she must love being manhandled by toddlers becuase she doesn’t complain.  You do have a scratch or two–but you are learning to not grab and to be gentle.  You are learning slow–not beause you are being mean to the kitty but because you want to hug her–aka squeeze her.  Your love of animals is amazing.  You seek out any animal you can and you want to hug it and pet it and kiss it.  You are not afraid.  Maybe you will share my love of animals and become a veternarian and I can live vicariously through you.

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You are growing so fast and it is hard to believe how much you have changed from that confused and scared little baby girl who came home nearly 14 months ago.  You are beginning to blossom and your flower is gorgeous.

Love you,

Mommy

41-Months-Old and Three Years Ours

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment


Dear Noah,

It was three years ago today that the Ethiopian courts officially added you to our family as Hojawaka William Finley.  It was certainly one of the best days of my life.  A few days ago you turned 41-months-old.  It is so hard for me to believe how fast you are growing and changing.  You are amazing and hilarious and you certainly make me laugh more than you make me mad–so that’s a good thing.

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You are now officially a boy–you are all about Spider-man, Batman and Ironman now and anything that has to do with being a boy.  It is cute and funny.  You saved up your sleep fairy money and managed to buy yourself a Batman Helicopter and are convinced that Batman, Spiderman and Ironman are bad guys.  I try over and over again to tell you that they are good guys who fight the bad guys but you are insistent in your view of the world and that they are bad guys.  But you like them anyway because they shoot webs and fly.  You have informed me that you can’t do those things but that you like to pretend to shoot webs and fly and that someday you will be big and strong like them and will be able to do all that they do.  Well, it is good to have goals little man.

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You can now ride your trike and drive your car around the block without any help from me or dad in terms of steering.  We just tell you to keep in on the road and you correct us that “its not a road mom it’s a sidewalk.”  It’s quite funny.  You can pedal your trike the whole way around the block and you are so proud of yourself when you do it.  I’m pretty sure you would do it all the time if I was at home and we would let you.

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Being your mom is a real pleasure and I have loved every minute of it.  You continue to grow and blossom and this month you got to spend some great time with your Grannie Sue and cousins and had a blast. You have met you fellow classmates from Big Boy school and are excited about going.  You learned all the lyrics to “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” and “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” and you sign the contantly (I’ll post the video of it soon).  You love to play games and are in love w/Dayton your next door neighbor.  The two of you cry and scream if you can’t play together because it is dark, or dinner time, or 6:30 in the morning.  It is so sweet.  You continue to be an awesome big brother and  you love your sister so much.  You play so nice with her and give her lots of hugs and kisses and you teach her how to share–You take what she has and when I tell you to give it back you say, “But I want to share with her.”  It is cute how the 3-year-old mind works.  But it is only sharing if you take turns not take it from her.

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I am proud to be your mama.  I am proud you are my son.  Keep growing and playing and laughing.

I love you baby,

Mom–(as you have stopped calling me mommy)

40-Months-Old

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

Dear Noah,

You are now 40-months-old.  I know that means nothing to you–because you’re 3 and that’s a cool age.  I think back to when you came home (not quite 3 years ago) and I am amazed at how you have flourished and grown.  You and your sister have made me so happy to be a mom–so much so that I am having baby feelings as I love parenting you two so much, I can’t imagine not having more kids.  You’d like a brother but you have made it clear that you don’t want a baby brother.  You want on you can play with–so Dad and I will stick with our original plan of getting you and Bo-Bo siblings when you’re a little older.

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I just want to congratulate you on being completely potty-trained.  It is so awesome.  I love not having to change your diaper–maybe even more than you love not having ot have your diaper changed.  You are a pro at the potty and it’s like you have always just gone on the potty.  It frickin’ rocks.  You are saving us a ton of money on diapers–thank you for that.  Now, I might be able to get the iPhone 3Gs.  Just maybe.  We do have private school to pay for and even though I am gone a lot—none of my jobs pay me much money.  It’s funny now that you are potty trained fully–you often wake up with a slightly wet pull-up where as before you were potty-trained your pull-up was usually completely dry in the mornings–very bizzare.  But he we got time for night-time potty training later.  Your pricy private school doesn’t care if you pee in a diaper at night.

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School…I can’t believe that you are just two shorts months away from starting school.  You are excited about the prospect of going to big-boy school and getting to hang out with other kids your age and making new friends.  It’s exciting but it hits your mom a little hard in the heart that you actually old enough to go to school.  It seems crazy to me, but I do often forget how young you really are–as you carry yourself well and your conversational skills are pretty great.  You talk a lot about your ideas–“Mom, I have a good idea…” or “I was thinking mom and I have an idea…” etc.  You are full of ideas and plans and it will take you far in life my little man. When I asked you what to get your daddy for his birthday you were pretty sure that he would want a race track and some cars or a badminton set.  When asked if those things were for daddy or Noah-you simply replied, “Noah–but I will share them with daddy and he can play with me.”  Ah, the ideas.

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Now, there is something that we need to address–your new love/desire for sleeping in our bed.  I know you are at the age where your imagination runs wild. all. the. time.  But you will need to start sleeping in your bed.  Your dad and I have come to the conclusion/understanding that you don’t like sleeping in your room by yourself.  Your room is upstairs–far away from mommy and daddy, but you were sleeping in your bed fine.  I know we took your binky away months ago and that has been great but this whole refusal to sleep in your room in your own bed is getting a little old–although I do love it when you snuggle up against me.  I am torn.

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You have discovered a love for badminton–thanks Uncles Jay and Curt–and have become quite the baseball player.  You have been in your first kayak on Lake Michigan–while you didn’t go far–you loved every minute of it.  The love you have for your sister is amazingly strong and you attempt to be patient with her as she attempts to play with you.  You are an amazing big brother.  You are an amazing son.  Your are amazing.

Love you tons,

Mommy