Nothing puts strain on a marriage like adding a child to the mix(I am sure that there are other things that do, but this is my experience).  Not because one wanted kids and the other didn’t, but because each child you add takes away from time and energy one could have devoted to their spouse.  I am feeling the strain.  It’s not awful, but we are both a little quicker to anger this time around.  It was like this in the early days with Minnow but not as severe.  I was happy to see him leave for work today.  Now, please don’t get me wrong I love my husband.  He is a great husband and an awesome father.  We are both tired and cranky and feeling the stress of a second child and one who we are still getting to know and figure out. 

It doesn’t help that Hubby’s company has recently been merged with a larger company and his job is a little undefinable at the moment and he feels as though he has no control over his life.  I know that this will pass and that our relationship will be stronger on the other side of this, but now right in the middle of the transitions–it’s really hard. 

I know I am not responsible for my husband’s happiness, but I think most women feel that we carry the burden of our husband’s happiness at home.  I need to resolve these feelings because I really need to focus on my own happiness which is fleeting most of the time as the stress of keeping up with my kiddos and my house as well as taking care of me.  I haven’t done much taking care of me, which means I am not that pleasant to be around either.  Hubby at least has that going for him, he’s been playing golf as much as possible lately. 

We were talking last night…

“I had such a great weekend honey”–hubby said.

“I’m glad”–I responded sincerely.

“Didn’t you have a great weekend?”

“I don’t have weekends–I have days and they are pretty much the same.”

And that’s true and I am glad that I don’t have to shuffle them off to daycare and then pick them up and feel pressured to spend quality time with them, finish school work, spend time with husband, etc.  But, I think this is what people who don’t stay home with their kids don’t seem to understand completely.  Staying at home is hard for so many reasons, but for me the hardest is that everyday is a workday.  There is no weekend.  There is no vacation.  My job follows me to the bathroom, to bed, to the store, on vacation. 

My husband doesn’t seem to understand that as he feels as though he also works all the time–being dad when he is home.  It isn’t the same and I think I am a little resentful that he thinks it is.  I know his job is hard and stressful and that there is a lot of pressure on him–being the only one who makes money–but there is also a lot of pressure on being a mom.  I am responsible for my kids and their behavior and their well-being and it is not something I can ever get away from.  Even if I had a job. 

I hope the fog lifts soon and we both find ourselves in a place where we are a little less tired and little less irritable especially with each other.  I know we will, but until then.  I’ll make the most out of life and be the best that I can be.