This is a heavy heartfelt post.  If you want something light–stop reading.

Over the last few weeks, there has been media attention on the suicides of 5 gay teens.  My heart breaks for them in death and for those left to stare at empty rooms, where hopes and dreams will rot.  I have a brother who this could have been.  Why do some kids feel hopeless and other feel empowered.  I don’t  know the story of the lives of these young boys who saw only darkness a head of them.  I do know my brothers story.  I also know that my brother, in high school, lost friends in these same senseless ways.  I imagine what helped my brother the most was his inner circle.  He had a great group of friends who didn’t judge.  Having a group/place is so important as students are developing their identity.  At this stage of development teens are pulling away from their families (which is why what other kids say is more influential in their choices than what their parents say) and towards age group relationships.  Family acceptance and support is certainly important, but not nearly as important or as devastating as rejection from their peer groups.

Bullying is an epidemic in our society.  We only have to look to the way the adults in our society act (especially within our political rhetoric) to see where teens come to this us and them mentality.  Our media and opposing views are constantly belittling the other side, talking about how wrong they are, etc.  The issues of homosexuality is at the forefront of this barrage as the right vehemently opposed gay marriage, etc.  The propaganda that is presented in the media in soundbites is what we see going on in our schools.  The mud that is flung from side to side has trickled its way down into our schools (we see the same thing with sex in our society).  The media has power and influence.  It also has a responsibility.  If our adults are going to be attacking those who are different then how can we not expect our kids to do the same?

There is so much I could say and my heart is heavy with sadness.  There are always going to be bullies–at every age.  I am not excusing bullying, but there is a deeper root to these acts of suicide than just bullying.  The difference I see is that these kids didn’t kill themselves because they were bullied, but because they were not accepted by their peers.  Who could they turn to as their friends or confidants about that bullying?  Who accepted them?  Who were their friends who cared about them?  If they felt like they didn’t have those, they feel like they don’t have a reason to live.

We need more support groups in our schools for those who are different.  Every school should have a GLBT alliance chapter in their schools so that these kids have a place to turn for support.  If your child comes out–get them into therapy–not to fix them (they aren’t broken)–but so they have someone to talk to about what happens at school.  Make sure you are aware of what goes on.  Help them foster friendships and encourage it.  Kids need friends and to feel as though they belong.  During the teen years, they need to belong with other their age.  Consider changing schools if your son/daughter is struggling to make friends and belong.

There are no easy answers. Our society if filled with hate and separation.  Kids need to be taught about being different and our media personalities who get so much time in the press need to start acting with common decency. We can have differences without having to attack on another.  It’s time was all accept each other and start the conversation about common human decency.

to be on the LA SWAT team?  Okay feminist readers, hold on.  I know that is a loaded question.  Let me explain before you rip my bra off and burn it (I am smiling while typing that..).  The LA SWAT team has never had a woman officer.  The elite 43 man force has always been just that men.  Not because they don’t let women apply, but because no women who have applied have been able to pass the physical requirement.  What trips them up?  The Marine obstacle course. 

Because of this–the new director of LA SWAT is trying to get the physical requirement waived for women.  Yes just for women.  The wives of the SWAT officers are up in arms–as are probably the officers and all men who fail the course as well.  The wives say it is a risk that should not be taken with anyone’s life.  The media of course pitched this story to make it sound like the wives didn’t want there to be any women SWAT officers.  That, surprisingly, isn’t so. The wives don’t want the requirements to be changed.  I happen to agree with them.  There are certain jobs that require a certain amount of physical strength and ability.  This is one of them. 

I take issue with the media for skewing the real issues of this story.  It is about something beyond adding a woman to the SWAT team.  I was thinking about this issue.  The Marine obstacle course is what the women can’t seem to conquer.  Is it really unfair?  Biased towards men?  Maybe–but last time I checked there were female Marines.  So, it must not be impossible.  FBI officers have to pass the course too (at least they use to but I am pretty sure they have to now as well)–and there are female FBI agents.  The problem is that women who are physically capable–aren’t applying.  Eventually one will, but don’t compromise the lives of others because you want a woman to be on SWAT. 

I am sure women police officers who want to be SWAT are the ones calling for change–the news didn’t cover that part of the story–just the part about the wives not wanting women on SWAT.  I don’t see any media bias there, do you?  Is it really our right to have any job we want?  If so, I want to be a taste tester for Ben & Jerry.  We think and are constantly told we can do anything we want.  We can’t be discriminated against, etc.  But you can only do anything you want if you can actually do it.  I can only be a fire fighter if I can do the actual job.  Not just because I want to be one. 

I can only be a doctor if I can do the job, not just because I want to.  I get really frustrated by folks screaming foul–not because they have really been mistreated, but because they cannot do what they want–not because someone won’t let them, but because they really can’t do it.  I wanted to be a veterinarian but suck at math and chemistry.  I had to accept that I didn’t have the ability.  I could have probably worked really hard and made it through, but I didn’t want it bad enough.  I am sad that we somehow as a people feel entitled to anything we want.  We think we deserve to have a job–that it is our right to have the job we want.  It is our right to be able to apply for any job we want that we are qualified for.  If we aren’t qualified–we have to accept that.  So, SWAT wannabes–become qualified.