120 Months

March 31, 2016 / Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

120 Months.

That number doesn’t even seem possible. I don’t know how so much time has passed already. With each day, I feel you growing up and slipping away. I know you won’t every “go away.” But, you’ll need me less and while there are times I welcome that separation–the inevitable growing up that happens brings with it a bittersweet sadness.

These days have been a magical ride and I am so lucky to get to be your mom. Watching you grow into the boy you are (almost a young man) has been humbling. You are funny, kind, sensitive, loyal, honest, and determined. You are respected by your friends parents and the kind of kid others hope to have. You do all of this because it is who you are–hopefully it is who we have helped shape you to be.

Your smile gets me every time. Your laugh is infectious. You know what you like and what you don’t. I hope this resolve stays with you as the world will offer you many things that I hope you are strong enough to say no to. You have a good head on your shoulders and it will lead you in the right direction if you listen to it and not to the suggestions of your friends.

I know that we are moving into the time of your life, where I have to start being a bit more cautious about where and what I let you do. I’m glad that you are small for your age–that makes your brown skin less scary. There will be times that I don’t let you do simple things, and I hope you understand that is because I want to keep you safe. Your friends won’t always understand why there are certain things you have to be more careful of than they are. Trust your dad and I.

Follow your dreams. Leave it all out on the soccer field at every practice and game. If you want to have a chance at your soccer dream–you have to be the hardest worker at every practice and in every game. Listen. Taking criticism is hard–but it is necessary. You have to trust that the coaches know more than you do. Listen to what they are saying and think about how you can get better. Having someone give you a suggestion doesn’t mean what you did was wrong or bad–it just means there is maybe a better/different way. Be open. Understand it’s okay to not be perfect and not know everything. You cannot get better if you don’t make mistakes.

Thank you for being an amazing son. I can’t imagine what our life would be like without you. Raising you is a privilege and I have loved every minute of it.

Happy 10th Birthday Noah.

84-Months-Old

April 22, 2013 / Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

Noah,

~~Yesterday (last Sunday)~~ Three weeks ago you turned 7. Seven. SEVEN. I don’t know how in the world that is possible. How did you grown so fast? It seems like just yesterday you were a little 10 pound, 4-month-old fighting for your life. And now…

You are an amazing little man. You have always been an extrovert and a pretty active kid. Your activity level only continues to grow as you do. You would be happy outside playing ball (football, soccer, baseball, basketball) all day and night if someone was out there with you–watching or playing with you. You would prefer playing with someone. I was a kid who loved playing with others but I also enjoyed being alone. You, on the other hand, absolutely hate being alone and it is like torture for you to be told to play on your own (I totally know that you NEED a big brother–sorry that isn’t going to happen).

You have made some great friendships and you are a sought after friend. You have made some connections that are strong and I know that you will be friends with many of these kids for a very long time. You are a social kid and you play with whomever wants to play what you want (mostly sports–kickball is a favorite at school). I worry about this sometimes as it is so important to be able to negotiate relationships and compromise. I know you’ll figure it out as you make friends everywhere you go and are quick to form bonds. I, as an adult, could learn a lot from you in this regard. It should be about having friends who like to do the same things you do and it is important to surround yourself with people who like you and respect your needs and wants. I think you are certainly learning that now and I hope these lessons follow you throughout your life.

You love to have fun. You laugh as much as you cry. You are emotional and you experience all of life’s emotions with a deepness that both exhilarates and worries me. Your smile still lights up my entire being. I can’t be upset or sad or depressed when you (and your sister) are happy and laughing and/or smiling. There is such a spirit to you. Being your mother is pretty awesome. There are moments when your emotions overwhelm you and then the meltdown happens. You meltdown and I get irritated (sorry–you can work that out in therapy as an adult). You have an incredible sense of fairness and you have a hard time understanding this when you perceive they aren’t fair. It’s a struggle for you as it is for you dad and I as your parents. I promise we are doing the best we can, but sometimes life isn’t fair and there is no way to fix that.

You love school and learning. You are 100% present and engaged in your life and it is so beautiful to see that. You still have several moments of wonder each day and learning something new excites you. Your want to try everything and are relatively fearless. You are getting ready to experience your first right of passage with your first grade campout at school–where you and two other 7-year-olds have to set up your own tent, carry all your own gear, rock climb, etc. It’s your first real independent experience and I think you’ll come back a changed little boy. You’ll be more confident and more comfortable with those unexpected moments.

I still can’t believe that you are SEVEN. But I can say these seven years have been amazing. I look forward to what the upcoming year brings because watching you grow is such a gift.

Love you,

Mom

The Good Moments

March 29, 2013 / Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

Parenting is hard. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise–they are either not parents, lying, or drunk. I certainly didn’t go into this parenting thing with rose colored classes–I mean I taught high school for years. I know what I signed up for. So, the hard doesn’t surprise me. It’s the good that surprises me. It’s those amazing moments–some small and some big–that make my heart want to explode and wraps me in a blanket of warmth and happiness that is unmatched by anything else.

I took Noah on his first “date” ~~yesterday~~ Wednesday. Just writing that makes me smile and laugh a little as I know he would be so embarrassed to know I called it a “date.” It was just 2 friends hanging out. But the cuteness. Sorry Noah, somethings just aren’t going to be ‘private.’

Noah’s birthday is on Sunday (which happens to also be Easter–my minimalist parenting will really be stretched having to execute both Easter for the two kids and making the day Special for Noah) and instead of a huge class party he is having a sleepover. He is having 3 boys over and wanted to have Sophie over too. I was not opposed to a co-ed sleepover but I didn’t think one girl would work as the dynamics would be different. Noah understood that.

So, I suggested that maybe we set up a day for he and Sophie to do something together. Noah and Sophie have been super close friends since the first day of preschool. They remain close and really enjoy hanging out together. Noah was excited and he decided that a movie would be good and he wanted to do it after school. The stars all aligned and we were able to pick a day that worked and both kids were excited.

They were sitting next to each other on the steps at school as I drove up. I made eye-contact with Noah and he smile and told Sophie “My mom’s here!” They pile in and Sophie gives Noah his birthday card. They laugh and giggle and talk about Paul Frank (it was a Paul Frank card) and who likes Paul Frank and who has Paul Frank stuff (it was cute–on Thursday Noah had to wear his Paul Frank shirt to school to show Sophie).

As I drove to the movie theater, I tried to soak in the moment. Listening to Noah joke and be the kid he is with his friends is something that I only get a taste of. It reminds me that as his parent, I will only see a portion of who my child becomes. Who he is with his friends will be different than who he is at home. While the two are very much the same person, what I see will be limited. Being able to eavesdrop on him with his friend assures me that he is a good kid and quite a little jokester.

The movie theater has an arcade and we were a few minutes early–so Noah asked if they could bowl at the tiny pin bowling alleys in the arcade. So they bowled a couple games and then spied the photobooth and took pictures together (reminds me of jr. high–the cuteness level was off the charts).

After the movie we went to dinner and again with the adorableness. They sat next to each other and oh goodness.

The good moments happen more than I notice. I need to notice more.

To Tough Love Or Not

December 4, 2012 / Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

Parenting really just gets harder. When Noah was younger, the answers were pretty clear and easy. No, don’t put the dog food in your mouth, etc. As kids grow, the answers aren’t so easy or obvious. I think it is really important that my kids do something and are part of something. I think that having an activity is really important and it’s been pretty easy to have the kids active in something. Noah really likes sports and is pretty athletic. He loves baseball, soccer, gymnastics, etc.

I have also learned a few things about my son and his personality. He doesn’t like not being good at something. He is quick to quit (or want to quit) when something stops being easy and turns difficult. There were baseball games when hitting was hard and he wanted to quit mid-game. That just isn’t an option. I have worked hard to try to reinforce for Noah that quitting when something is hard is not something we do. I hope that I am modeling that message for him (yet, I wonder–as I just at 3 cookies, I didn’t need and aren’t going to help me get healthy).

Anyway, today he has gymnastics and this morning he asked if he could quit. My first reaction is No. I told him that he had to do all of December and then we would revisit it. I asked him why and his reasons are pretty minor: When we do forward rolls my head hurts and we have to do them every time. I don’t like the high bar, because once I fell off. It’s hard and scary. While these are valid to some degree, are they really reason enough to quit? He wanted to quit piano when it was hard. He still does piano. He wanted to quit soccer practices when they were boring. I didn’t let him.

I know that Bill is going to have a different view than I do. This will take some smooth parenting and some honest discussions and one of us is going to win and one going to lose. But that can’t matter, we have to do what is best for Noah. I am not sure that quitting gymnastics because it’s hard is a lesson I want to teach my kid. We can’t quit when something is hard. Lots of things in life are hard.

I also want him to know that he as some control over his own life, but at what cost is that control given?

When he was invited into this gymnastics program, we sat and talked about it. My initial reaction is to have him finish the whole year and then see where we are in May. I think it’s important to understand commitment. I also think that he’ll be better able to make this decision and will have given it a whole year of effort.

I also have to ask, why am I pushing him? Is it for the right reasons? Am I invested in having him do gymnastics for some other reason? I want to say that it is about Noah and only Noah. He is good at gymnastics–really good (better than he is at any other sport). I want him to excel, but I also want him to be happy.

Sometimes we have to encourage our kids to go things they don’t want to. Oh the tough choices are only just beginning.

What’s your take? Do you let your kids quit when they want, or do you encourage (force) them to keep going?

The Lost Tooth

October 31, 2012 / Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

So, Zoë lost her first tooth yesterday–during her last week of being 4. While her older brother, who is 6 1/2, waits patiently (okay-so not really all that patiently) to lose his first tooth. When I picked the kids up from school, Zoë had a huge smile and was holding the coveted tooth treasure chest. My heart sunk. Not only did my not quite 5-year-old baby lose her first tooth, but I immediately felt the heartache of my going on 7 son’s despair that he still had not lost his first tooth. A tooth that has been looser longer than that of the not quite 5-year-old.

I tried to play this moment down, which I know isn’t fair to Zoë, but I just couldn’t bear to “rub it in” for Noah that he still has all of his baby teeth. UGH!

I waited until Zoë was done w/gymnastics to talk to her about it–as Noah still had an hour of class left. She was so excited. Turns out she pulled the tooth out herself during nap time. Holy Crap…Seriously? I know this should surprise me as this is the kid who gets shots at the Dr. and doesn’t flinch. At. All. She is daring and fearless. I am certain that when I pick her up today her second tooth will also be secured safely in a another tooth treasure chest. Serving a double dose of despair to her brother as he has to endure the lost teeth and her birthday this weekend. Sucks to be Noah this week.

We talked about her friends and how everyone was excited that Zoë lost a tooth–except for her “boyfriend.” She told him and he said “That’s not very impressive.” It should be noted that the boyfriend is a year older and hasn’t lost any teeth yet either. Then the dreaded topic: The Tooth Fairy.

Clearly, the Tooth Fairy needed to pay a visit. I will admit I was wholly unprepared for this. I was certain I had at least 2 more weeks before I had to really consider this. I started trying to figure out what the Tooth Fairy should leave at our house. Considering that the first visit sets up all future visits. I was warned by many a parent to be careful where I set that bar as they lose teeth for a long time.

So, of course I took to Facebook to see what the going rate is among my friends. I know that at Noah’s school there is quite a bit of Tooth Fairy inflation ($10 for a first tooth). So, I needed to hear from a wider base.

And it turns out a dollar is pretty standard. But I didn’t want to just leave a dollar bill–as that really doesn’t seem all that special. My brother suggested $2 bills–that would have been great if I was thinking ahead. But I wasn’t. I am not a planner in that sense and I certainly wish that I was. So, I settled on gold $1 coins. I wanted to leave 2 since this is the first tooth. So I had to dig through lots and lots of change (an by lots I mean about 30 pounds worth) to find gold $1 coins.

Zoë woke up this morning–hopeful that the tooth fairy left her the tooth (sorry to disappoint–but that isn’t how it works kiddo)–but happy to find to gold coins under her pillow. She showed her brother and he said “She left you chocolate coins?” He was clearly not impressed with the tooth fairy.

“No these are gold DOLLAR coins.”

“Can I have one?” He quickly asked suddenly much more excited that it was real money.

So, while I like the idea of $2 bills–we might be sticking with the gold $1 coins. Although Noah informed me this morning that it was acceptable that Zoë lost a tooth before he did, since he “gets to do everything else first. I get to go camping at school first. I get to be in 3rd grade and be a buddy first. I got to play on the blacktop first. I get to drive first.” I am certain Noah is going to spend the next few weeks doing nothing but wiggling his two loose teeth.

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: