Parenting

Nighttime Is For Sleeping

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

Minnow has started this horrible habit of waking up somewhere between 1:30 and 3:30 every AM wanting to go downstairs.  He goes back to sleep really quickly when you tell him no and remind him that it is time to sleep.  But boy, does it wreak havoc on one’s ability to function.  I know what you all are thinking–just 9 more days and waking up once in a night will be what I dream about.  But that time hasn’t come yet and I want Minnow to get back to sleeping through the night. 

If this continues we will have to just let him put himself back to sleep, but it is hard when we know that if we go up there and tell him to go to sleep that he will.  UGH. 

I am leaving in 9 days and I cannot believe it.  I am so excited to think that a week from this coming Monday I will be holding my little Peepers.  So exciting. 

I am not taking a job this year.  I decided after a long talk with a good girlfriend of mine who was in town visiting, that working full -time isn’t what I want right now–it is so restrictive and I really love spending so much time with my kid (soon to be kids).  I called the school and talked to the principal that was doing the hiring and she was totally understanding and she encouraged me to apply again when I was ready to come back to work as they were very impressed with my vitae, etc. 

I am comfortable in my decision and know it is what is right for me and my family.  I am lucky to have a great part-time job and I really was starting to freak out about teaching kids again.  I really like college courses. 

Hello, My Name Is Mom And My Son Is A Juice-aholic

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 4 Comments

There was a time when all my wonderful son would drink was milk, drinkable yogurt (kefir) and water.  Now he, without pause, rejects anything that isn’t juice and it must be juice he approves of.  I have been really good to make sure he is drinking about 90% water and 10% juice, but he is now verbal and can tell me “no wa wa mommy, more juice please.”  And just to clarify he isn’t really asking he is demanding in a polite way that lets me know if I don’t comply there will be long bouts of screaming.  Very often I end up letting him watch me drop a little (drops) of juice in the cup and sometimes that works.  I think hubby is part of the problem–sorry I love you babe–he doesn’t water down the juice nearly as much as I do.  But how do I get him to stop drinking so much juice and not need to start medicating myself with massive amounts of alcohol in order to survive the fits of rage and tantrum?  This kid has no problem crying and screaming for lengths of time. 

What do your kids drink and how do you get them to drink it? 

Not Just Mine

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 4 Comments

After I hang out with my mom friends, I always have this feeling of unity and difference at the same time.  We are all mothers and our parenting struggles are much the same, but there are somethings we will just never understand about each others’ experiences. 

I am really uncomfortable when people tell me what a great thing it is to adopt a child.  I don’t feel that it’s great.  I didn’t do it because it was great.  I did it because I wanted to be a mother.  Who am I to say that Minnow or Peepers are better off with Hubby and I than with their biological parents.  I don’t have the hubris to think that my life here in America is better than what their potential life might have been.  I do believe that my children are fortunate to be growing up in America but I have a hard time saying that, because Ethiopia is their birth country and it is an amazing place full of amazing people who are willing to give us the opportunity to be parents. 

I know that those who have not adopted do not understand fully the extent of contradictory emotions and feelings that accompany adopting a child and especially a child from a foreign land.  I never want my child to think that they need to be grateful for being adopted. 

I also don’t know how to explain the added pressure I carry around as an adoptive mother.  I know that I want to do what is best for my children, but I also want to raise children that their birth mothers and birth fathers can be proud of.  I want to make these women (and men) who have given me the greatest gift one person can give to another proud of the job that I am doing.  I see Minnow’s birth parents in him and have to say they must have been amazing people.  I don’t know how to explain it, but his birth parents are part of our family and I want to do the proud.  The expectations are high and I hope that we can live up to them. 

These amazing children are not just mine…they are also Ethiopia’s. 

Thank you Ethiopia. 

Parenting Is Exhausting…

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 7 Comments

I thought sleep deprivation was the worst part of parenting.  Well, that was when I had an infant–I know I will be experiencing that again very soon.  Now that I have an extremely active two-year-old, my thoughts have changed.  I really thought this whole parenting thing would get…um…I hesitate to say easier as I certainly have never put parenting and easy together in any context other than “parenting certainly makes have a drink easier to explain.”  I really thought that it would get less exhausting really.  I was exhausted to a point when Minnow was a baby that I could barely see straight…now I am so exhausted I can barely keep up with him.  Minnow does not stop.  The first thing in the morning he wants to do is to go outside and play.  He loves to be outside and once he is outside it is nearly impossible to get to him to go inside.  Every outing to a park or someplace fun to play lasts a minimum of 2 1/2 hours.  That is at least 150 minutes of non-stop moving and walking and playing and swing pushing.  I love that he is so active, as I could stand to sit around less on my ass, but I am exhausted. 

I was hoping to be a little recharged this weekend as we dropped Minnow off at my dad and bonus mom’s house on Saturday afternoon for a sleepover.  Hubby and I had an awesome evening of eating out–appetizers and drinks at a rooftop restaurant with a view of the skyline and dinner at an English pub–chips and rarebit–yummy.  Then we went to the movies at the most awesome theater ever–you get to sit on couches and they have a full bar.  We got to sleep in and go out to breakfast and actually have a conversation that lasted more than 2 mintues.  We then planted some flowers and it was awesome. I felt great and was ready…then hubby went to play golf and Minnow was outside.  OUTSIDE.  OUTSIDE.  That meant a tantrum was coming as it was close to naptime.  He didn’t want to sleep as he wanted to be OUTSIDE.  He finally slept after we read 5 books.  Then he woke up a couple of hours later and wanted to go OUTSIDE.  It was beautiful and I can’t fault him for wanting to go outside really–what kid wants to stay inside.  So we went outside–blew bubbles, played  on the swing-I do the pushing…went down the slide, and then for a walk.  Minnow is a pretty good walker–he pushed his bubble mower nearly a mile–7 1/2 blocks and I only had to carry him for on block and the mower for 2 blocks.  By this time it was time for dinner and I was exhausted all over again as I had just spend 3 hours OUTSIDE in the sun. 

Don’t get me wrong I love being with Minnow and I love how much he enjoys chasing bunnies and picking up rocks and those damn seed pods from maple trees that I have to spend 20 minutes throwing up in the air so he can watch them “helicopter” to the ground.  But I am exhausted and I really have the feeling that it is only going to get more exhausting. 

How do you fend off the power of exhaustion? 

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Two–Twice The Fun?

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 7 Comments

Or twice the crying, whining, tantrum throwing little people?  It is now just starting to sink in that in about 5 weeks I will have two little people at home demanding 100% of my attention.  It is going to be hard–maybe even harder than if I were giving birth to my second.  Why do I assume such things you ask?  Well for those who haven’t adopted, our little ones come home with the needs of a new born but the personalities, desires and wants of an older infant.  Peepers will be approximately 7 months old when she comes home and her personality will be well forged.  She will want to feed and be held like a newborn as this is her first discovery of round the clock “I can have whatever I want now” but will also be her own little person already.  She already knows what she likes and doesn’t and I have to figure that out…all the while figuring out what my little toddler wants.  I am certainly not saying that being a new mom via birth isn’t difficult it just presents a different set of challenges. 

Anyway.  How do you go from two to one–especially those of you whom have adopted?  I am beginning to worry as Minnow is getting more and more independent but also has moments of “mommy carry me” etc.  I worry that I am not prepared for the challenges or that I am honestly approaching how hard this transition will be for all of us.  We are preparing Minnow as much as I know how to.  We talk about Peepers all the time and he recognizes her picture.  I just know he doesn’t quite get it and won’t until she is home and he no longer is the center of our world. 

So any adivce on the transition from one to two?  Any advice at all will be ingested and respected.