Parenting

Hey Perfect Moms–Don’t Judge Me

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 6 Comments

Really, I don’t need your looks and your judgement.  Why?  Well because he is my kid and I can raise him how I see fit.  Just so you know, there isn’t only one way to raise a kid and I am thankful that there isn’t.  Why?  Well because I want my kid to have fun.  Yeah, I said fun.  I want him to be a kids and experience childhood to the fullest, because let’s be honest adulthood isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  On top of that, my little Minnow only has a few weeks left where he is the center of the universe.  He is quickly going to learn that his knowledge of the universe is outdated and based on dreams and fantasy. 

I am going to go out on a limb and admit I am not a “perfect” parent.  I don’t care if my kid touches something that someone else who has a cold did.  I don’t freak out if he finds something on the ground and eats it–of course I would prefer if he ate what I gave him, but sometimes that discarded goldfish is better than what he has.  Sorry I don’t freak out but that just isn’t my style. 

I let my kid play and run and be a kid.  Today, much to the chagrin of you “perfect” moms I let my kid play in one of the fountains at the botanical garden.  Sure it was only 65 degrees out and he was completely dress and I am pretty sure the water was recycled water, but you know what he was having fun.  So much fun, that he played in that fountain for nearly an hour not caring for one second that he was wet.  And to answer your question “perfect” mom, “No, I didn’t have a change of clothes for him.” 

I am not a rule follower and I don’t hover over or even near my kid–especially when we are someplace where no real danger lies.  I am not neglectful (I pay close attention to him and know where he is) but I do believe that he needs to feel as though he has some control and freedom.  So, please keep your rude “Oh my Gawd, I’d never let me child do that” to yourself and save your eye rolling for someone who cares about your opinion.  I don’t. 

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Like Poking A Sharp Hot Stick In The Eye

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

Or better know as eating out with your toddler.  All of you with two year olds who have only one speed–overdrive–know what I am talking about. This past weekend consisted of two large meals.  My entire family took me out for my graduation and it was a blast–of course I spent half of the meal watching Minnow walk up and down the stairs.  Have I ever told you all how much Minnow loves stairs?  All day long he could walk up and down stairs…It’s a blast in case you were wondering–almost as much fun as blowing bubbles for 2 hours. 

And because one long meal wasn’t enough we went to a beautiful brunch on Sunday morning.  Minnow is a great kid and he is really good in restaurants (as far as a two-year-old is concerned), but it just isn’t fun or relaxing to go to a long meal and want to sit and relax.  Hubby stepped up big during brunch and kept Minnow busy as did my brothers–who are totally awesome.  But the bottom line is that it so totally sucks to take an active fun-loving toddler out to a nice meal that doesn’t involve big furry creatures, play places and plastic utensils and plates. 

I don’t know why other’s cannot understand and why I cannot say no.  I had suggested we have everyone over for my graduation celebration–simply because I didn’t want to have to mess with taking Minnow out and didn’t want to have to deal with getting a babysitter.  But family is family and they all wanted to take me out, etc. 

So, how do you all deal with going out to eat, enjoying it and taking your toddler who can’t sit still?  Wait let me guess–you don’t go out.  I now understand why people don’t.  I finally have come to understand and see that it just isn’t fun for any of us to do something that Minnow just can’t do.  I will miss going out to eat–but will certainly enjoy keeping my eyes away from the sharp hot sticks. 

I Use To Like Talking On The Phone

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

I have decided to go back to work full-time.  I have tried this SAHM thing and it really isn’t for me.  I have been faking it–I’m an awesome faker.  I am just not as happy as I could be and life is to short to squander opportunities for happiness.  I stayed home one full year and this past year I started working part-time.  I love my son, don’t get me wrong but I am not a good SAHM–unless laying around on the couch letting him memorize SpongeBob epsisodes counts and if it does I am so winning Mother of The Year.  I long to be working and miss teaching.  I have tried on the whole “I am so happy to not be teaching high school anymore” and the “I love not having to work” but they are empty and I have been saying them to myself for two years and guess what–I still don’t believe it. 

So, I have started applying for teaching jobs that will start in the fall.   I am a little sad that I won’t have the same special time with Peepers that I had with Minnow but I just can’t do it anymore–without turning into an Afterschool special on Obesity and Insanity.  Minnow will thrive in daycare–as I think I totally bore him and Peepers will do alright–I can already tell she is a social climber.  My kids will be happy if I am happy and right now I am not all that happy. 

There is an opening in one of the districts I really want to work in–sorry to disappoint but I have given up on teaching in impoverished districts.  I am moving on to more affluent ground.  Sorry, but yes I am totally selling out.  I need the extra money to pay for day care and for gas. 

The district that is currently my first choice requires a phone screening interview.  It was hard–part of that is because of the problem on my phone line and all I could hear was static–I hope I answered the right questions.  I tend to overthink questions and I caught myself making faces at the telephone after a few answers think to myself–“sure that’s what I think.”  I am pretty sure I “passed” the interview.  We will see.  They have two open positions for my area–high school English and they want to have them filled by May 23rd–the last day of school.  I would love to know that I have a job lined up before I went to Ethiopia. 

When I got my palm read–the lady did tell me I was getting a new job–this wasn’t the job I was envisioning but it is so much better–I actually get paid a real salary and they will pay for the doctorate…icing on the cake baby and I love icing. 

I have to say that I honestly hope I never have to do a phone interview again.  I like to see the person’s face when I answer when I use my big words. 

Yes, Yes. That Is My Child.

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

Well yesterday was a joyous occasion.  My dad and his longtime girlfriend have finally married.  They have been shacking up since September 2000 and its about time he made an honest woman out of her–as no 50-year-old woman wants to be someone’s girlfriend.  No my dad’s not robbing the cradle–he is in his fifties as well.  They didn’t want any fuss as they feel as though they have been married for a long time already.  They went down to the court house for wedding day.  My brother, Minnow and myself went down to be their witnesses and their guests. 

I had no idea what to expect at this courthouse wedding.  Well, our county only does weddings on Wednesday.  There were at least 30 couples there (along with their families–moms and dads, friends, children, etc) to get married.  They herd everyone into one small court room and you wait to have your number called as everyone who doesn’t know you from Adam watches you say I do.  In and out if 3 minutes unless you want to exchange rings–then its about 5 minutes.  There are no vows or repeat after mes (unless you’re exchanging vows).  It is certainly far from romantic but it is still special.  Unless of course you had decided to get married yesterday when my TWO YEAR OLD SON was part of the crowd.  He was pretty good–he was walking around a little and just talking to me.  I wanted to get him out of the court room, but the weddings happen at such a quick pace it was hard to get him (he likes to run away and giggle), grab him and walk any where before the next ceremony started. 

Finally after couple number 7 the Bailiff came over and told us we were going to have to take him outside.  My brother took him out, as I was going to take pictures of the ultra quick ceremony.  My dad and his woman were couple number 10.  Minnow watched from the window with his face pushed up against the glass making faces and cheering for his “paw-paw” mike and “ga” lori. 

On another happy note, we received our welcome bag camera in the mail today from our agency and it is a full roll (25 pics) of our little Peepers.  Hopefully court will go well on Tuesday and I can post some pics of her then.  But be rest assured she is adorable. 

International Adoption–Not For The Faint Of Heart

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

I am a “seasoned” international adopter.  Meaning I have been through the process once and it was wrought with many ups and a huge number of downs and am almost done with our second adoption.  I will not relive the drama that was our first adoption–it is in the August 06 and a post or two into September archives for those of you who are interested.  I feel a little bad, as I haven’t blogged much about this adoption and my feelings about it our my tremendous and instantaneous love for our little Peepers.  I wrote about our first adoption at length as the process was new, the feelings and emotions news, and well parenthood was new. 

Last time around–I learned faith, patience and calm as we waited through PCR test shortage crisis.  It happened near the time we were due to get our referral and it was a huge scare.  Our agency does not refer babies until they have had a PCR HIV test (this tests the babies DNA and is very accurate).  In hindsight it wasn’t that big of a deal as our referral did not come until a few weeks later and all was rectified by then.  But just as with pregnancy (I can only imagine), every little twitter, ache, weird pain sends one into a frenzy of needless worry and causes one to eat pints of Ben and Jerry’s or drink too much (for those of us who are only “pregnant” with paper). 

So what might you ask is causes us to gulp multiple bottles of wine at a time?  Let see…There is power rationing going on in Addis Ababa (Ethiopia’s captial for those of you unfamiliar with Ethiopia).  Every three days Addis has no power from 7am to 9pm.  So that is twice a week for those of us who are mathematically challenged (I mean ME).  Because of this power rationing it is taking longer for all things to get done, as the adoption system relies on computers, etc.  This causes cases–a huge percentage of cases–to fail court because documents don’t get printed, signed, copied in time–due to these outages.  Then on top of that the Department of Homeland Security created a National Visa Center who now has the responsibility of processing and sending out all I171-H forms to the appropriate places.  This is the approval us adoptive parents need in order to bring our children into the United States as Immigrants.  This centralization has not made everything better, forms are lost or misplaced and this adds time onto the process and lots and lots of stress, worry, anxiety.  I am trying to exercise more as opposed to eating Ben and Jerry’s to alleviate the stress. 

There is nothing more frustrating than not having any control over a situation that impacts your life on this level.  Our baby is there growing up and waiting for Mommy and Daddy to bring her home and love her forever.  I knew going in that this process was unpredictable and it makes me understand the fragile nature of the world and how much I take for granted. 

Our court date is next Tuesday (I am assuming they will have power that day).  I am anxious and worry that this time around will be just as stressful and unpredictable as the last time.  I made it through that dark and confusing time a stronger and better woman and I hope the same will happen this time.  Otherwise I just might eat my weight in Ben and Jerry’s and need to be airlifted out of my house to Ethiopia.