Parenting

Yep That Was Me

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

who sent my husband and kids out the door this morning ready for school, only to have them come home 20 minutes later because well…..There wasn’t any school today.  Turns out today is a holiday.  Which I knew it was for me, but really my kids?  Come on, they have been home for 2 weeks already.  Two. WEEKS.

But then I got to leave for Kansas City for business and my husband got one more fun day to wrangle the children and I got a 4 hour car ride that was quiet and didn’t have to listen to “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.”  Or the first 3 lines of Sir-mix-Alot’s “Baby Got Back.”

Yep that was me, who taught her almost 6 year old “I like Big Butt’s and I cannot lie….”  I know it is totally inappropriate, but it is also funny. I told him he can’t learn the rest until he is 12.  He is really looking forward to being 12.

Until then, I have to listen to his giggly version of the first three lines, with the promise that he will not teach it to his friends.

Yep, that will be me getting a phone call from my son’s school because he taught 3 friends the first three lines.  I totally win at parenting.

Staring 2012 off with a bang.

Making My Job As A Parent Harder (My 1000th Post)

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

Seems fitting that my 1000th post is a topic that is central to this blog–parenting.

So, Kelly pointed the article “If I Was a Poor Black Kid” out on Facebook yesterday and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it and the ridiculous premise that technology will fix all that ails children who are poor (because there are even more white ones who are) and children of color.  Maybe I am summarizes the article a bit too much.

While my kids are not poor, they are black.  And even though they are not poor, we live in a city where most people assume that any black kid/family is poor.  This is certainly not the case, but this article brought home for me the general assumption that they are.  And it came at an interesting time, because I just had to bite my tongue at an even the other day when an upper middle class mom and I were talking about her son’s new school.  Her son and Noah had been in the same class for preschool and for kindergarten they decided to try their local public school district because the district was the reason they bought their house, etc.  I asked how it was going and she was talking about how amazed she was at how fast the curriculum went and she felt that he couldn’t miss even a few days at school.  She went onto explain “well about 20% of the kids in the school and in his class are bussed in from the city and you know inner city kids they don’t come with the foundation for school so they have to work extra hard to catch up and I think the teachers have to make sure the inner city kids get caught up…..” and I stopped listening because I wanted to really challenge her on her racist/privileged outlook.

I simply pointed out it wasn’t to catch up inner city kids but to make sure that those kids are ready for the standardized testing that is coming their way.

But my point is that it is these exact beliefs that keep me from putting my kids in public school (all long with all the focus on testing and lack of focus on the whole child).  We live in a city and surrounding county where we have a desegregation program–where black kids from the city can be transferred to schools in the county who participate in the program.  I couldn’t put my kids in a school where they would be seen and assumed to be “poor” kids from the city because I know the expectations that teachers have for those kids.  I just couldn’t have that for my kids.  What is ironic is it my own privilege that allows me to know what these teacher often think of these “poor” kids from the city who spend over 2 hours a day on a bus in an attempt to level the playing field–when in reality they are often not allowed to play the same game.  In this same way, my kids become privileged.  Yet I have to be hyper aware of the messages they receive as they move in my world of privilege because there are plenty of people who won’t see past their skin color.

 

This Is Me Not Yelling

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

So, things have reached a certain place where they just aren’t manageable any more.  I am tired of yelling at my kids.  Part of that is me and my own tendency to think yelling will magically make everyone do what I want.  Yeah…this is not really working.

Today, I just reached my breaking point.  I got to that place where I realized what I was doing was not working and that if I wanted to see a change, I needed to be willing to change to.  So, I had a “Come to Jesus” talk with my 5 and 4-year-old.  I know that even sounds asinine.  But here I am sharing it out on the Internet–because that is what well-adjusted parents do right?

We talked–okay, I talked and the kids listened.  They seemed to begin to grasp what I was saying about the not listening and the constantly telling us “NO,” along with the whole “we don’t have the same rules–because daddy and I are adults and you are kids.”  You know, basically all those parent-like things I swore I’d never have to say to my kids.

So, I feel a lot more relaxed knowing that I am not going to yell.  I’m going to talk to them and then punish them–with a smile on my face.

Somehow that is better–at least for me.  So, we’ll see how this works.

The Neverending Day

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

This day feels like it started DAYS ago. It’s the day that won’t end. Started with Noah waking me up at 6:20, because we. Had. No. Where. To. Go. Until judo at 10:30. 10:30.

Then judo seemed like it lasted an eternity–Zoë complained the entire time. Then lunch. Lunch. Ugh.

But I figured it would get better because Noah was going to a playdate for 3 hours. Yes 3 hours of hell. Zoë cried hysterically as we left Noah to play with his friend. Then we went shopping and I couldn’t find boots to fit my calves–could my calves be smaller? Yes, but they are also muscular; and I want to wear cute boots too.

Of course, Zoë cried because she couldn’t get eye shadow. Really.

Then we get home and I think yay. Then the neighbors are going to the park and Noah wants to go. I say no and am now the “meanest mom EVER.”

We’ve had time-out and time in our room and boy am I ever ready for this day to end. I’m currently staring at a beautiful class of wine-scared to touch it-because it just won’t last long enough to wash away the day.

Apparently The Celestial Reigns Supreme

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments
At the kids’ school there is a parent portal where the teachers post weekly updates in Kindergarten (daily in Zoë’s class).  This week they posted an update the centered on being thankful.  Each student shared what they were thankful for.  The ego in me, immediately searched for Noah’s name on the list to see how he was thankful for me…
Teachers: We are all thankful for many things.  Can you tell us what are you thankful for?

H:  My pet.
W:  I am thankful for my dog and my family.
E:  I am thankful for my teachers.
Noah:  I am thankful for the moon.
K:  My teachers.
W:  My mom.
M:  This class.
L: My brother, Lucas and my sister, Lina.
H:  I am thankful for my two teachers in this class.
R:  I am thankful for nature, my mom and dad, my dog and my skills.
D:  I am thankful for my baby brother.
El:  I am thankful that I have such a happy, healthy family. I am thankful for the sun.
B: God.
C:  My fish and God.
A: My fish.
I: Nature.
Q:  I am thankful for many things.  My mom, my dad, my sister and my cousin.
S:  I am thankful for Jesus and my baby cousins.
T:  I am thankful for my and Isaac’s friendship.
B:  I am thankful for my kitty.
S: I am thankful for Uchenna and Andrea.
C:  For my uncle who died.
J: I am thankful for Andrea and Uchenna.
S:  I am thankful for my kitty who died. I am thankful for tulips and trees, because I am thankful for the earth.
L: My sister P, and K and E.
E:  I am thankful for L.

Not so much–Noah is thankful for the Moon.  The moon?  Really?

I have so much more work to do with this one.  At least he has a soul mate–one of his best girl friends is thankful for the sun.  Won’t they be happy together.