Parenting

The Power Of Social Media

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

Sometimes all you have to do is ask.  Last year around this time Pottery Barn Kids released their holiday catalog and there was something many of us with kids of color noticed about the stockings.  All of the faces were white.  I know I wanted to buy my daughter a stocking but there were no girls that looked even remotely like her.  In a world where most of the images of beauty reflected back are those of white skin and often blond hair, I don’t want my daughter to think that she is not normal or acceptable.  I want her to have a positive image of her skin.  I also want this for Noah, even though he seems less aware or at least pays less attention to it than Zoë does.

Last year, many of us descended upon the Pottery Barn Kids Facebook page and demanded dark skin stocking for our children of color.  Yes, many of us are white, middle-class, parents of adopted children.  But I don’t think that matters.  What mattered was that we wanted our children to see themselves reflected back in a product.  I notice so often what kinds of images and messages are sent to kids and also notice that there are few non-white images for my children to identify with and draw from.

I have to say I was really happy today to look at the stockings and see these:

I will admit these aren’t perfect. The hair is a little straight for my liking–I’d like to see some curls in the elf’s hair and the angel’s hair.  But this is a huge step forward.  The color is not exactly right and is still a little light, but it is dark and it is progress.  I’ can’t wait to buy mine for the kids.  They will love them.

Teaching Our Girls To Respect Themselves

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

There was a huge brouhaha that lit the interwebs and twitter up like Times Square.  Ah….JCPenney, what are you thinking?  What were you thinking.  As the mother of a little girl who loves being pretty and make-up and frilly clothes, I struggle with teaching her that those are not the things that matter.   And this doesn’t help…

Cute and sassy?  I don’t mind if my daughter is cute and sassy, but she is also going to be intellectual and use her brain for more than picking out the right shade of lipstick.  I know that being pretty is overvalued in our society. I know the research that says that pretty people make more money and have more opportunity (just look at TV, movies, print ads–we totally overvalue beauty).  These pressures are abundant in our society and they don’t go away as you get older.  Hell, I’m 40 and I still feel them.  But to market to that?  To make being pretty a value just doesn’t sit right with me.

Our job as parents raising boys who are caring and girls who value smarts is already difficult enough, does it really need to get any harder?

 

Playdates–I Don’t Totally Suck

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

I will say it right now–I am a total slacker when it comes to scheduling playdates for Noah and I’m sure it will be the same with Zoë.  I often am rushed at pick-up and/or drop-off and don’t always have a lot of time to talk to the other moms.  This isn’t to say that Noah hasn’t had playdates and hasn’t been on playdates–he has, but not nearly as many as he could have had. And this year I have been especially bad about arranging playdates since we have 4 neighbors who live on either side of us that the kids play with.   I just didn’t feel the impetus to arrange playdates.

But Noah has been asking to get together with some of his friends and his school has asked us to get together with two new families who will joining his kindergarten class next year.  So, in a way I am being forced to arrange playdates and I have.

Noah has two this weekend–his BFF and future wife is coming over on Saturday and then on Sunday we are meeting with a new family.  And am working on another playdate with another of his BFFs and another new family.  So, I am feeling pretty successful at this point with getting Noah together with his friends.  But it is still hard, especially since I work and many of us work. But I will continue to attempt to make sure Noah has some playdates.  And, I guess I’ll have to do the same for Zoë since she is starting school in the fall.

Great….Just….Great.

What We Need Is Compassion

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

It is so easy to judge others for the parenting mistakes they made.  It is so easy to forget that in the blink of an eye–it could be us that tragedy strikes.  Recently there is the story of Karen Murphy, a veterinarian in the DC area.   She, sadly, left her 2-year-old in the car for 7 hours on a hot day.  There is no good ending to this story.  Her husband went to pick up their son at daycare and he wasn’t there.  He called her to ask where their son was–thus began their nightmare.  And nearly every parents nightmare.

Karen Murphy is being prosecuted with a charge of felony murder–it carries a sentence of 40 years.  She has two other children.  The prosecutor in the case wants to send a message, “We hope it’d be a wake up call for other people who might be inclined not to take care of their children.”

I don’t agree that felony murder is the appropriate charge.  My first reaction to this story was sorrow.  I cried for this family.  It is sad and tragic and has already happened to 20 families this year and 49 last year and 514 families since 1998.  The comments left by readers of the story are so judgmental and vitriolic.

When I became a parent 5 years ago, I couldn’t imagine ever leaving my child in a car.  I was obsessive about it.  I can say that I have never come close to doing it.  But that doesn’t mean I have a right to judge this woman.  I think it is horrific and I also know that there is no punishment that could ever be worse than losing a child and knowing it was your fault.  But murder?  It is a tragic accident.  When a child drowns accidentally, I don’t think we file murder chargers against the family.

I was almost a statistic.  My kids were in the bathtub.  My son was 2 and my daughter 1.  I walked to the door of our small bathroom to ask my husband a question.  I did not leave the bathroom but I did turn my back.  When I went back in, my heart stopped.  My daughter was under the water and couldn’t get herself back up.  I grabbed her and she was fine, but I hate to think what could have happened.  What would have happened if I hadn’t turned my head when I did.  In a split-second tragedy strikes.

Most parents (boy how I wish I could say all) spend their life looking out for and protecting their children.  Witnesses who saw Karen Murphy go out to her car and find her dead child said her screams could be hear fro blocks.  This was not a women who wanted to hurt her child.  This was a woman who loved her child.  This was a woman who was a mother and who was overwhelmed and over busy.  I am certainly not making excuses but it is time that we all banded together.

We have cars that can park themselves, why can’t we have cars that have sensors for car seats?  Why can’t car seats have a sensor tied into the car that dings when we turn off the car if there is weight in the car seat?  There must be a way for technology to help parents.  Why can’t day care centers have auto-dialer systems like schools do when kids aren’t there.  Maybe it could save a child’s life.  Because for whatever else we are, we are all human.  We all make mistakes and kids shouldn’t have to die because we make them.

The Tooth Fairy Is Like Nocturnal

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

My children are going to kill me.  If I turn up dead please blame them.

I have not spent much adult time around little kids and I have to say–they are pretty smart little things.  I’m pretty sure Noah is going to have the whole world figured out before his 7th birthday.  How did my kids get so smart?  I try to infuse their life plenty with mindless TV, but alas their intellectual potential just keeps growing.  Maybe I should reconsider this whole private school thing–public school might just dumb them down.  All kidding (maybe) aside.  My kids are pretty bright.  I’m not going to say they are brilliant or gifted (I’ll let their grandparents do that bragging), but they are bright kids.

Of course, I’d love to take the credit for it, but I don’t know that I can.  I won’t be so presumptuous to take credit for their intelligence–not until I know that they will only use it for good deeds–then I am all over it.  If they use it for evil–total and absolute denial.

Yesterday we were in the car and Noah said: “Do you know the tooth fairy doesn’t sleep at night.”

“How do you know?”

“She comes when kids are asleep.”

“Do you think she gets tired?”

He waits and thinks–his thinking face if very cute

“She must sleep during the day.”

“I bet she does.”

“Mom…the tooth fairly is like nocturnal.”

“Yeah.  I guess she is.”

“Like bats and owls….and reindeer.”

“Reindeer?”–I’m slightly confused by this one

“Yeah mom–they fly at night with Santa.  They don’t fly during the day–they must sleep then.”

At this point, I’m not sure what to say.

“I think reindeer aren’t nocturnal, honey.  It’s just that one special night.”

“Like they get to stay up late?”

“Yep.”

More thinking…

“Mom?”

“Yeah.” I say with trepidation–who knows what he might be asking about now–reincarnation? gravity?

“Do you think Santa shaves his beard the day after Christmas?”