Well, last night we sat down after Judo to each dinner and the kids wanted to watch SpongeBob. I did not (yes sometimes we eat dinner around the TV–not always but sometimes–done judging?). So I was looking for something entertaining and I noticed that Meet the Robinsons was on. So I flipped to that and Noah was immediately interested and asked “Where is the guy we are looking for–the main character?”
We watched the movie until the neighbors got home and then the kids went and jumped on the trampoline together (I know what you are thinking–“don’t you know how dangerous trampolines are?” Well I do, and I also know they are fun). Then we finished watching the movie. At the end, we had a long discussion about the premise of the movie and the idea of time travel and how cool that would be–and it took Noah a bit to understand the whole idea of being able to go into the future, etc. But in the end put it together.
Then we talked about the adoption part. Then he asked about his own adoption story–he wanted to know what I knew. This is the first time he has really asked for me to tell him what I know–he was never interested before. So we talked a long time (I will not tell the story here–as it belongs to my son). We talked about how he was in the hospital and Bill and I were so scared that he wasn’t going to live and then we talked about how babies sometimes die all over the world from things that seem not to bad to those of us fortunate enough to have money and regular access to doctors and healthy food and environments. Then Zoë wanted to know her story and hers is more cloudy than Noah’s story and a bit more sad). It was a hard conversation, as you want to be honest but these kids are only 4 1/2 and 6 and adoption, while happy for us, is also very sad and confusing for kids–especially for kids who are adopted internationally.
After our talk, they were both visibly sad. They didn’t know how to feel. They were sad that there was their birthmoms who they wouldn’t ever know. Noah really wanted to know if his was alive and I had to say that I didn’t know. He said “I think maybe she died.” I had to say I didn’t know, but I can see how for a child it might be an easier way to understand and/or cope. We then talked about Ethiopia and the nannies who took such good care of them when they were babies waiting for us. They talked about being excited to travel to Ethiopia and play with the babies and kids who are waiting for families. They want to thank the nannies who took care of them.
It was such a great conversation, but it was so hard. I am glad we had it, but I know it isn’t the last time we will talk about it. These are conversations I always knew we would have and have had some version of over the last almost 6 years, but when we got that phone call 6 years ago today about a 1+ month old baby boy, I had no idea how complex this parenting thing would be.
I wouldn’t change a minute of it or a single choice we made.
Embracing Imperfection 