On Monday when I picked Zoë up from the babysitter’s, K (the babysitter) told me Zoë had asked all the other 3 kids “why are you white like your mom?”  K told me they talked about how people are different colors and sometimes they are the same as their moms and/or dads and sometimes they aren’t.  They also talked a little about adoption.  I told her thanks.

When we got to the car, I asked Zoë about it.  She then said, “I want to be white.”  We want through this with Noah when he was about that age, but it lasted about a day and we talked about his color is a gift from his Ethiopian mom and that all Ethiopians are brown and it was a way for him to always remember his Ethiopian mom and dad.  We have never shied away from talking about race/skin color and even how my skin color is different from my mom and brother who are more olive and me and my other brother are more pink like my dad.  So, I figured this conversation would go about the same way.

Not with Zoë.  When I asked her why?  She said, “I want to be a grown up and grown ups are white.”  Well shit.  Then I started thinking, all of the adults that are constants in her life are white.  We live in a pretty diverse city and we see African Americans nearly everywhere we go, but on an average day, all the adults she has interactions with are white.  We talked about how your skin color doesn’t change as you get older and those who are born with brown skin stay brown.  We then talked about how her Ethiopian mother was brown and she seemed to understand that, but still wants to be “white when I’m a grown up.”

Oh boy.  I have some work to do.  Advice?