Personal Growth

I’m No Better Than A Cheater

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 4 Comments

So, at the office on Tuesday someone came in to talk to the Dean of the Graduate School (who is my boss) about a doc student who plagiarized their comprehensive exams.  This lead into a long discussion about how stupid that was to work so hard for something and then cheat.  It just doesn’t make sense.  I don’t understand why someone would do that.

Last night as I was sitting on the couch eating a couple pieces of cookie dough, it occurred to me that I am not different from the person who cheated.  I pay a good amount of money to work out with a personal trainer–and I work my butt off when I am with him–but I still am eating a bunch of crappy food and not doing my cardio as often as I should.  I can’t really explain why I do it–this is something that I need to uncover.  I have to wonder if the cheater can explain why they did what they did.  What I do isn’t going to get me kicked out of school but it might force my hubby to say we aren’t paying for the trainer anymore if I’m not going to do everything I can.

This is a hard lesson to swallow and a tough thing to face head on.  I really have to decide what I want and who I am.

Finally, Movement

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 4 Comments

On the scale that is.  I haven’t blogged month that last few months.  Life has just been busy and I have been trying to figure out how to keep all the balls I am juggling in the air and the blogging ball has been left to lay under the table gathering dust. 

Well, I am proud of myself that I have completed 36 days of exercise so far this year.  That means I only have 329 more days to go.  I feel great and am so happy that I have found my commitment to myself again.  Sadly, after 31 days of exercise in January, I did lose a pound.  Not one pound.  I weighed the same amount on Jan 31 as I did on Jan 1.  I was irritated and a little flabbergasted.  I thought I was doing great–I felt great.  I wasn’t tracking my food and I obviously should have been.  That’s not entirely accurate.  I tracked my meals and I was eating fine–what I wasn’t tracking was the food I was eating off the kids plates or the type of calories I was eating. 

I have PCOS and have written about it in the past.  I need to watch my carbs and make sure to eat the right kind and not too many.  I shouldn’t have more than 150g of carbs a day and less would be better.  Well, on some days I was consuming closet to 300g of carbs.  That isn’t good for me, nor will it aid in my weight loss efforts.  So, I have download the new LoseIt app for my iphone and am keeping tack of everything I eat and of my carbs/fat/fiber/protein and it has opened my eyes.  And finally 4 days in I have seen some movement on the scale–nearly 2lbs.

I have accepted that losing weight is going to take a lot of work and it really is a numbers game and a numbers game that is more than just calories in vs calories out.  I need to eat the right calories for my body and what my body needs and struggles with.  I am looking forward to my official weigh in on monday to see what a week of doing what I need to do and should be doing has gotten me.

When Logic Fails

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

I have been working out/exercising every day now for 26 days.  I haven’t lost any weight and I finally have figured out why.  I haven’t been eating enough.  I know that sounds crazy doesn’t it.  But when you exercise everyday and you don’t give your body enough of the right stuff, it holds on to everything you do give it.  I was really frustrated the other day and forced myself to sit and think about what was going on and what the problem was or could be.  I haven’t been counting my points or keeping track of my food.  I also know that I haven’t been eating bad.

I now have the exercising down.  It’s like a drug for me and I am addicted to it and the way I feel.  I have so much more energy and just feel better overall.  I have started to branch out and vary my exercising.  I have to put in a plug for my Wii Fit.  I know there are lots of you out there who love the Wii Fit and I am a believer.  I love the work out I can get a pretty good one–I try to get to the gym 5 days a week and then use the Wii Fit on the weekends.

Now that I have the exercising down and know that I will be able to do it everyday for the next 11 months, I have to focus on my food.  So I will get back to tracking my food and making sure that I am eating what I should and how much of it as I should.  Exercise really isn’t enough–it is only part of the issue.

Now I will tackle food.  Have I ever told you all how much I love food?  But it is a love/hate relationship.  I love food, but because I have the tendancy to over eat I try to stay away from it and keep it simple.  But simple has lead me to eat too little and forget some of the basic tenants of being healthy.

Oh the road that never ends.

A New Perspective

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 5 Comments

I have been struggling with my eating for a long time and this as well as my struggle over staying home or working.  I guess I have arrived at a crossroads personally and have finally picked a path.  I a living my life as though I have already reached my goals.  Asking myself at every turn–what will I do when I am at my goal weight?  what will I do when I am perfectly organized?  It takes a lot of pressure off and erases many of the questions that I might face in a day. 

I also have accepted that I can love being a SAHM and love working at the same time and that it’s okay to be torn.  I want to go back to work because I miss teaching, etc.  Not because I don’t want to be with my kids and that has taken some getting use to.  I love hanging out and raising my kids.  I also love teaching.  I can love both.  I have also begun to change my internal dialogue from “I want to be a great mom” to “I am a great mom.”  From “I want to be healthy and fit” to “I am healthy and fit.”  This allows me to live in the now for the person I am going to be in the future.  What a glorious revelation and break through. 

Today is Day 7 on my 365 days of exercise.  Yes, I have vowed to exercise every day in 2009.  So far so good and I have to admit that I feel awesome.

To Start Anew

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

I love January 1.  I love starting a new year with a fresh new outlook (read–positive outlook) and nothing but endless possibility.  I am certainly starting this new year with a fresher and more positive outlook than I ended 2008 with.  The end of 2008 so much seemed to rain down upon me towards the end of the year–I am pretty sure that was apparent in my complete and utter lack of posting in December and those posts that I did happen to publish were completely void of all substance and intelligence.  I am happy to say that I completely refreshed and I have to admit that it helped to unplug for much of December and focus on myself and my family. 

I am not a big resolution maker because I just feel as though it puts totally unnecessary pressure on myself to be “perfect” for whatever I have resolved to do.  Because of that I try to make goals for the year and make them be concrete.  I use to say “I resolve to be healthier.”  But really what does that mean.  It isn’t clear cut and I like clearly defined success and clearly defined failure.  I like to know where I am going and how I am progressing.

A few of the things I am holding myself accountable for this year are:

Losing weight–at least 80lbs (aiming for 100)

Getting my office organized and keeping it organized

Not creating piles of crap and paper becasue I am too lazy to put it where it goes

Exercising at least 30 min every day–with my Wii Fit there is no excuse anymore

Taking better care of myself

Spending more time enjoying my children

Getting a full-time teaching job

Ride my bike

(oh and we are doing IVF (want to start in july)–so getting pregnant is now on my list too)