I have been struggling for some time about figuring out how to stay sane as a stay-at-home-mom and how to express my creative side and generate a little income. I have also wanted to do some significant fundraising for our adoption agencies sponsorship program. We already sponsor a child to go to school in Ethiopia but I want to do more for my son’s birth country. I think I have finally found something that will work. I have opened a Cafe Press store. There are a few things available now but over the next few weeks there will be much more. I have some great idea for kids t-shirts (Ethiopia themed) and will be selling women’s t-shirts as well. There are Ethiopian Postcards and some blank floral notecards. I will be making more and more available as the holiday’s are coming. A significant amount of the proceeds will be donated to AAI’s Sponsorship program(I don’t know what percentage. I will post dollar amounts donated every quarter). So click the link on the right sidebar or here.
Personal Growth
Why Me???
Unfortunately the only babies we have right now are of the furry variety. We have 2 dogs–they will be 7 soon, 1-10 yr old cat and the two babies at the left. I keep joking with my husband that if we don’t have a baby soon we will need to move to a farm because our house is too small for more animals. My mother instinct is so strong right now, I want something little to care for. How sad am I???
The title refers to my situation as a high school teacher. I just found out today that I have yet another student who is pregnant. I teach juniors and seniors in high school. This student makes number 17 on th year–for me a lone–that is pregnant or delievered a baby already this school year. It makes me want to scream. I can’t believe that these teens who look forward to living on welfare–they have told me such when I ask how they are going to raise and pay for thier baby–can get pregnant wihtout a problem and that my husband and I who have science on our side can’t. It just isn’t fair. Yes I know who said life would be fair? No one, but come on the cosmic forces must know that I would be a better parent than a 16 year old who can’t even finish her homework. I had one student–this burns my ass–who went into labor 2+ months early because she got into a fight. Yeah she is more fit to be a parent than me.
I know I sound like a whiny little baby, but we have been trying to have a family for 5 years and it has been a very long emotional road. I can’t believe that it really will happen soon, of course not before 4 or 5 more of my students deliever thier babies.
On a lighter note–I am fifty, yes fifty pounds lighter than I was 5 months ago. That atleast gives me something to smile about…When will our referral come? Soon please!!!! If someone out there is the cosmic space could take some time off from letting my teenage students get pregnant and helping those of us waiting to be parents to those orphans in Ethiopia who need us we would really appreciate it.
Growing up
Choices are never easy and how do you decide which way to go when either one is good and bad at the same time. My husband and I are in this prediciment as is every other middle class family in America. We are faced with too many choices, too many things; and what we have never really seems to be enough. My husband and I seem to be the typical “buy now pay for it later” kind of upper-middle class folks. Yet what do we really want. We think we want to be out of debt–oh what would that be like, but then we also want to fix up or 80 year old house that had been neglected by the family who lived in it for 50 years. We have lived there for nearly 6 without doing much to it other than window and some new flooring. Fixing up a house is expensive and we like to go out and vaction. So we always spent our money–or our credit on those types of fun things. Now we are faced with our own aging. We are in the process of adding one or two new members to our family. There are things that we want for them–a nursery that is liveable and nice, a kitchen that isn’t dangerous and a family room that isn’t filled with random clutter and crap. All of these things cost money.
What are our priorities? What have they been? Is there any hope? We want to be happy at home. I would be happier with a house that was fixed up with a little bit of debt than a dump and no debt. What a tangled web we weave when at first we try to decieve. Who were we decieving you ask? Well ourselves of course. We tried to tell ourselves that it was okay to allocate funds for this or that and buy what we wanted when we wanted whether we had the money for it our not. Now we are paying the price and are forced to answer the question–“Do we buy the things that will really add value to our life or do we suffer for our past mistakes?” If only the answer was easy.
Leaving Baggage Behind
I had no idea how much personal baggage I was carrying around within my extra pounds. The pounds just slowly made themselves at home on my body and nestled into to every insecurity I had. Who knew I was insecure. I don’t think I did. Of course I was in total denial. I lived my whole life fighting the insecurity and trying to show it who was boss. I have finally realized that I cannot do that. It isn’t going to go anywhere, it is a result of my life. When I met my husband, I had thought that I had conquered. Oh boy I was wrong. I gained 80 pounds in the years after meeting my now husband. God bless him for never stopping loving me.
I don’t know when I hit the bottom, or if I really hit a bottom. I was just tired of being fat. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being fat, but I was never comfortable in my skin and that is what is important. I finally decided to get off my butt and get some help. I had tried on my own, but I really needed external motivation, the internal wasn’t working for me. I signed up for nutrition counseling and training at the local gym–I love it. It was really hard to change my eating habits, who knew that I was really eating that unheatlhy. I really had no idea.
I am proud to say that after 4 1/2 months I have lost 45 pounds. I work out everyday. I do an hour plus of cardio 7 days a week and weight training w/ my trainer 2 times a week. It has been hard work, but so worth it. I am down 3 dress sizes. I have 55 more pounds to lose, to reach my goal. I think that I can do it. I know I can. All it takes is dedication. I am hoping to unveil my true self that I have been hiding under all of this excess weight.
Embracing Imperfection 