I miss writing and blogging. It was such a big part of my life for so long. And then the world changed. I started blogging back in 2006 as I waited to bring our son home and then became a “mommy blogger.” And then life happened and I wrote less on here as I wrote more for my Ph.D. program. Then I went back to teaching high school full-time and I tried to write every now and again.

And then I didn’t know what I wanted/needed this space to be. To be honest, I still don’t know what I want this space to be. Personal? Professional? A combination of both? I just don’t know.

I am entering a new phase of life, kinda. My son is a rising senior so college stuff is every where and all the time. My daughter is a sophomore and spending more time with friends, etc and I am always trying not to worry about her.

I’m coming up on 4 years as a widow and still trying to figure all of that out. I’m starting to exercise after totally ignoring my body and physical health for far too long.

I’m finishing up my Ed.S. in K-12 administration and will probably transition into administration–so I can pay for college–in the next couple of years.

I’m also department chair now and am continuing to teach 5 preps.

I’m working through the changes that pandemic has foisted on us as teachers and humans and how I have to adjust my teaching to best server my students.

So, I’m planning to be writing here more often. I just don’t know about what.

There has been much loss and love over the last few months.  We have said a heart wrenching farewell to our pups of 14+ years.  They were an integral part of our life.  We found them on a golf course 1 week after we had moved into our house.  The rooms are still empty without them.  I find not a day goes by that I don’t have a memory sparked.  It was one of the hardest decisions we have made, but we know we made the decision at the right time.  Waiting any longer would have been selfish.  What love they showed us.  What happiness they brought into our lives.

         

Then we said hello to the newest members of our clan.  Yep puppies.  And why not have 2 puppies (4 months apart in age) at the same time.

       

Puppies are cute, so that you don’t want to hurt them for peeing on everything.  Ivy (the Shepard mix) is now about 6 months old and is pretty house broken.  Gilligan on the other hand (who is approximately 10 weeks old)–well lets just say that he is cute.  He is high energy and is just go go go, all the time.  It is a big switch from old dogs who only want to eat and snuggle to puppies who want to eat and play and play and play, and eat, and poop, and pee, and pee, and pee.  Oh my, the amount of pee that little puppy produces is unbelievable

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Life has been busy and something has had to give and that something has been this blog. This blog that has been such a central part of my life for 8 years.  I couldn’t imagine not having it.  I toyed with the idea of just shutting it down, but I can’t.  That would be akin to erasing part of my soul.  I am still working on what this space means and how I will use it moving forward.  But what I do know is that I miss writing. I miss being part of a community of writers.

I already feel as if I have given so much up to be a mom and wife and work and finish my Ph.D–exercise, eating right, reading for fun, etc.  I can’t lose this place.  I can’t lose this piece of who I am.  I can’t give up anything else.

 

So, we are looking into the face of snow day #3 for me and snow day #2 for the kids. My concept of what day it is completely and totally messed up.

I was supposed to go back to work on Thursday. We had a snow day. We went in on Friday and then the snowpocalypse descended and now, I was off today and now tomorrow.

We got 11 inches of snow and today the high was 0. So the snow hasn’t budged. So now we are on day 1million of Christmas break.

So, in order to not kill each other we have lifted all time limits in the electronics. Not a good habit for the kids. But on the upside, I have watched all is Scandal seasons 1-2 and am now caught up on season 3.

Now what will we do tomorrow?

I have been working hard to ensure that I am more engaged with my family.  Now that I have left my old job and have had a few weeks of “downtime,” I have tried to be as present as possible.  I have all but absent on Twitter (barely reading my timelines once a day) and haven’t really seen much of Facebook or any of the blogs I usually read.

I certainly haven’t been here writing in my own space.  Part of that has to do with how overwhelmed I am preparing for the my first high school teaching stint in 7 years.  I have a lot of catching up to do and a lot of prepping for my classes to take care of.

But also, I have to admit that what I need from an online community/presence has changed.  And I am not exactly sure how it has changed and what I need.  I really am looking for my online world to become more of a Professional Learning Network and less about the randomness that is my life.  There is a power to Twitter that can be so valuable to me as a teacher and professional.  I’m looking to using it much more for that purpose than for anything else.

This blog will become much more about my life as a professional and teacher than as a mother.  Not to say that there isn’t going to be some sort of balance among the pieces of myself, but as I sit to write now, Education is often the first topic that comes to mind.

I have also taken this time to re-engage with my kids, my husband and my dissertation work.  These moments are so precious and fleeting that I can’t allow myself to watch them from the periphery.  I have to be more involved.  That is part of the reason that I sought a new job.

I have enjoyed the last couple of weeks of just being with them and being part of what is happening in their lives and not just the person who makes sure they clean their rooms and brush their teeth.

As I re-engage, I am hoping it inspires me more to write and create.  I hope it allows me to take more “me” time.

My life has been out of balance and I am looking to bring more balance back.   Because when there is balance, everything is better.

And I can enjoy moments like these.

Today is almost 1 week of unemployment.  While technically I am not unemployed–I start my new job on August 14th, it has been a nice week of transition and planning for the new season.   And a scary reminder that I don’t get paid until the end of August.

I have been working toward this move for a long time.  I have been working on it, since the moment I handed in my classroom keys in 2006 to stay home with our children.  I have been working on this return to classroom teaching through all of the part-time teaching and full-time work that I have been doing since 2009.

I belong in the classroom (thankfully, my husband doesn’t mind being broke).  I belong teaching.  I can’t imagine doing anything else.

As I sit and prepare my lessons and units for teaching, I pause to think and reflect on how lucky I am that I get to do what I love and that I love doing something that has such an impact on the lives of kids.

It isn’t everyone that gets to do what they love and I appreciate that my husband works at a job that he doesn’t love so that I can do what I love.

In three weeks, I will be standing in front of a classroom full of teen-aged boys.  In three weeks, a new season of my story begins.

And I can’t wait.