School

Transitioning Identity

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

Today, I officially walked across the threshold. I have transitioned from student to doctoral candidate. I no longer have classes to take. Okay I just need a moment to soak that up……..

Okay.  Wow that feels good.  I have been a student nearly my entire life.  This final transition marks the end of 17 years of continually being enrolled–undergrad, masters, now doctorate.  This is a hugely defining moment.  No more homework.  No more assignments or intellectual endeavors that are based on what a professor wants.  No one to answer to except my own deadlines.  Which I have.  I plan to be hooded Dec 2012.  I’ll work hard to get there.  I have worked hard to get where I am.  The daughter of a high school drop out and a high school graduate.  I am the first to go to college in my family (extended family on my dad’s side) and the first to finish on either side.

I can look back and talk ab0ut how amazed I am that I have been able to accomplish it and it is worth every bit of the well over 100k it has cost me over the last 17 years.  I put myself through school and it wasn’t cheap.  My parents were never in a situation to help me through school–financially or academically.  Everything I did, I did on my own through my own hard work and determination.  I didn’t have fancy schools or parents to foot the bill (oh how that would have been nice).  But I did it and none of that matters.  I’ll smile when I pay off my last student loan at age 70 (hell, I’m laughing a bit now about that).

Today, I say good-bye to being a student and hello to the future.  One more transition to make–doctoral candidate to PhD.  Can’t wait for that one, but am going to enjoy this phase.

Big Apple Bound

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

I’m going to New York City.  Here I come New York City.  I. Am. Going. To. New.  York. CITY!!

Sorry, I’m just a little excited.  Not just about going to New York CITY, but I had my first conference proposal accepted.  It is my first acceptance, not my first proposal.  I had on proposal denied for another conference, which is fine this one is more up my alley.  I’ll be presenting at the Conference on English Education’s biennial conference.  When I got the email this morning and the subject line read: CEE Summer Conference Proposal Acceptance–I nearly peed my pants.  I couldn’t believe it.  I still can’t believe it.

I have been working on this PhD for a long time and am not finally starting to come into my own research and into my own as a professional intellectual.  It’s so surreal.  I get to share my ideas and research.  I am amazed and surprise and humbled.  I really am a professional.  I never felt like that as a high school teacher or even community college instructor. It’s true that our society doesn’t place much value on the in the trenches teachers.  University teaching is very different, as we are seen as professionals because of those three little letters PhD.  I don’t have mine yet, but I am really close to finishing.  It’s a bit bizarre to feel this level of professionalism now as a student when I didn’t feel it as a teacher.

Well, I am going to New York City.  I’ve never been.  I’m also staying in the Dorm at Fordham University (which I have also never done–I went to college later in life).  I can’t wait to explore the city and share in professional academic intellectual conversations on how to prepare teachers in this day and age.

Please feel free to leave me advice on NYC.  I’ll happily take it.

In Which They Hold My Future In Their Hands

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

The end is near.  Well not really the end.  That just sounds both ominous and optimistic.  I am at the end of my PhD program, but just embarking on my dissertation.  So, end of phase 1.  Starting phase 2.  I want to do research in the urban school district of the city I live in.  In order to do research there, I have to ask permission and go through a whole process.  In the process of writing this post, while multi-tasking, the district has gotten back to me with their research application and I have to admit, I am surprised by the quickness to which they responded.  I have the forms and one line stands out to me:

“Ideas, operating procedures, records, and publications developed in or by the school system shall be made available to outside non-profit or profit organizations for use or distribution when such use will reflect favorably upon the school system and the community.”

I added the bold.  Now, I am not going into this research to expose this district for not being able to effectively education its children.  But I am going into this research to see the impact of pre-made, canned curriculum on instructional choices and the impacts those instructional choices have on students abilities.  I now have to make sure I word my research in a way that the benefit to the district is clear.  I want to make a change and sometimes everything isn’t rosy.  If it was all fine and dandy, then the students would be doing well and not as poorly as they are doing now.  Shouldn’t they want those answers?

I don’t exactly know how I am going to do this.  Let the wordsmithing begin.

One Step Closer

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

Yesterday was the culmination of my doctoral study.  I had to orally defend my comprehensive exams.  For those of you who are wondering what comps are, they are pure hell.  That is what they are.  Not really, but I imagine they are close.  I had a committee of 3 professors and they each gave me question to answer and I had 2 weeks to answer.  The questions cover the entire work of research and content that I have studied as part of my doctoral program (which included information from my Master’s as well).  I read 70+ articles and 15+ books over the 6 week period to answer the questions in 15-20 page papers.  It was intense.  Then I waited two weeks and then I had to defend my answers.

It’s surreal.  It’s a great intellectual conversation but they challenge and question what you wrote, included and didn’t include.  It was certainly an intense 90 minutes, but I did well and PASSED.  This means I get to continue on and finish my PhD program.  If you don’t pass your comps–you get a chance to revise–you are not allowed to go on to work on your dissertation.  I’m happy to have this part done.  I am not almost officially ABD (All but dissertation).  There is a large group (80%) of folks who never get their dissertations finished.  I will not be that person.  I am certainly going to finish.  I have one more semester of course work–one of which is to write my dissertation proposal. The end is near.  I am glad that I will be done soon and have my PhD, but it’s a ton of work and I don’t know how I’d do it if my kids were older.  It requires so much time and now it’s a bit easier because they don’t have games and practices, etc.  But soon they will and I’ll be happy that school is over.

But for right now, I am going to enjoy my moment of celebration of passing the first hurdle.  Yay.  Now I just have to publish a few articles and present at a conference or two.  Then I’ll be ready to take academia by storm.

How I Long For A Simpler Time

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

Not like back before computers and iPhones or iPads, just back to when I wasn’t being pulled in 8 different directions. Every. Single. Day.  While I keep telling myself it’s going to get better, I think about something else to freak me out–like next year I’m going to have to pay tuition for two kids at our chosen private school.  Do you know the kinds of vacations we could have if we weren’t making two mortgage payments a month (one mortgage one tuition)?  I know it’s worth it but I question it completely especially as the end of school nears and I’ll have to start paying my student loans which are about the same as what we owe on our house.  We maybe making a change next year, I don’t know.  I’d hate to because I fully believe that the school Noah is at is the right place–Maybe I’ll just have to get another job or stop going to Starbucks.

I’m a little panicked because my comprehensive exams start on Monday.  I have 3 questions to answer with two weeks for each question.  This is scary as it is the last step prior to me getting to start my dissertation.  I’m so ready to be done with school and ready to get out there and work hard for my family and myself, but this is daunting.  The next few months are going to be tough as I have to submit my dissertation proposal by December 1 if I am going to begin collecting data for my dissertation in January.  I know this bores all of you and I’m sorry for that–bur right now this is my reality.  I am up to my eyes in Social Cognitive Theory, Critical Discourse Analysis, and Self-efficacy formation.  Exciting isn’t it.

On a happier note–because it’s apparent I need one.  Our family vacation went well.  It started off rocky–on our first night in Miami Zoë burned her hand.  It was so not my fault. (just realizing this doesn’t sound like a happier note)

The hotel has halogen lights in the ground.  These lights happened to be purple–which is Zoë’s favorite color.  She was over by my brother (it wasn’t his fault either) and she was looking at the lights.  I didn’t think for a second to tell her not to touch the lights as we all assumed they were covered.  Then all of a sudden, Zoë is standing behind my chair and it is clear that something is terribly wrong.  She is crying but no sound is coming out and she is holding her hand.  I immediately thrust her hand in my water class.  I knew what happened before I even asked her.  It was horrible.  I have never heard a child scream so badly in pain for so long (about 3 hours).  It was awful.  One of the worst moments in my life.  But the next day–she woke up as if nothing had happened and her hand never bothered her again.  The hotel felt awful and offered medical help–but we knew there was nothing they could do for these ‘minor” burns.  To continue the torture of my baby girl, when we were in Nassau, I got her hair braided.  She cried for an hour as two women worked quickly on her hair.  It looks adorable.  She still says “But I didn’t want my hair braided.”

I will be posting here off and on as I navigate my comp exams and write my dissertation proposal.  Most likely when I am procrastinating (like I am right now).