Last week, both Noah and I had the playdate rite of passage.  I certainly had more anxiety about it than Noah–who just wanted to get together and play with his friends.  A little background on playdate #2.  I love Noah’s school and all the parents are really nice. There is a pretty equal amount of girls and boys in the class and there is a real sense of community.  That said–there are two maybe three students boys in the class that most parents consider to be troublesome–especially the parents of the other boys in class.   These boys are physical and rough and impulsive and at times aggressive and mean.  Parents have had meetings with the teachers and phone calls about what these boys have done, etc.

There were days during the first few weeks of school that Noah didn’t want one of the boys–the biggest bully–to come to school anymore.  It got so bad for Noah that one day Noah bit the boy because he was being mean to him the in the bathroom and not letting him have a turn.  Noah hasn’t had an incident with this boy since then–they seem to get along fine and on some level that worries me and I keep a very close eye on Noah’s behavior to make sure he is not becoming aggressive himself.

One of the other boys is less mean and more impulsive and immature.  He was originally in the 4/5-year-old classroom but was moved to the 3/4 because he just wasn’t mature enough to be in that classroom.  Noah likes this boy as he is imaginative like Noah is and likes to play superheroes.  So, B’s mom called and said her son wanted to have Noah over for a playdate.  I couldn’t say no.  I wanted to, but I thought that all kids deserve friends and that the only way kids who are not socially mature can get that way is to have opportunities to be social.

We arrived and I was nervous.  But B’s mom is awesome and nice.  The playdate was interesting and Noah had fun despite B’s inability to actually engage in real play–there was a lot of side-by-side play and it was so very different than our playdate the day before.  I am happy that we went and it was good for me to see B outside of the classroom environment to see that he really isn’t a bully as much as he is immature and impulsive.  But it amazes me the dividing line that is caused by behaviors of children.

I am too knew to this whole kid in school thing any my son is too young for me to yet be worrying about who his friends are.  He’s only 3.  Has his behavior changed a little bit since school started?  Sure–he’s more verbal (who ever thought that was possible), he can write his name and several others, he can read many letter and now knows some words on site.  Is he a little more physical?  Yes.  Does he talk about things/his toys being dead?  Sure.  But, I don’t know that all of this is bad.  They are opportunities for us to talk about what he is learning and what things mean.

Peer influence isn’t going to ever go away and while I can monitor the peers he’s around outside of school, I certainly can’t while he is in school and I don’t think I want to.  It is important for him to be able to experience all types of situations and to learn–both right and wrong from them.  This is where my job as a parent is uber-important.  I don’t want to control every interaction he has.  Why would anyone?  (Sorry, not trying to sound judgmental–genuinely curious).

I know his school is safe and I know that the world is full of bullies and that he is going to run into them periodically.  Better he learn to deal with them young rather than trying to bite one when he’s in his 20’s.