Oh Internet It Really Isn’t Your Fault or Day 18

November 18, 2007 / Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

Internet Addiction? Cyberspace Detox? Really? We now live in a world where the Internet is as tempting and addictive as alcohol, narcotics, gambling and sex. WOW. I am sure here in the US we have issues with this and there are kids and adults whose live are dictated by the Internet. Hello…I check my email an infinite number of times a day–especially during this who waiting for a referral business. In South Korea this whole wired world has gotten out of control. There is now a boot camp where you can go to break your Internet addiction. I find this whole idea fascinating.

Compulsive Internet use has been identified as a mental health issue in other countries, including the United States.

I just have a hard time understanding addiction to things that aren’t alcohol or drugs as these things really screw with your physical body as much as with your mental body. But addicted to the Internet? Really. I enjoy being online and I blog and I read other blogs and I use to play poker online–when I had time–but I’m no able to spend that much time on line because I have other responsibilities. I am not saying that Compulsive Internet use or Internet addiction isn’t a real thing; I guess I am just happy that I don’t have it. I can leave you Internet if I want for hours at a time…

The NY Times has an article on it, as do other papers. I even saw a teaser clip on a news broadcast recently. One of the kids at the camp–most seem to be teens and young adults who have the biggest problem–said that 17 hours a day online is fine. I have one questions. What the hell do you do on the Internet for that long? I have a hard time finding stuff to do online for a couple of hours. I read your blogs and some others but that is about it. What the hell else is there? I know this is a generational thing. I am old. I didn’t have my first email account until I was in my mid 20’s. That should help place me generationally for all of you younger folks out there who are laughing because there really is so much to do out there in Internet land.

I fear for my kids that the online world has become so interesting and full of things to do. When I was a kid we played outside. I know that there wasn’t the Internet or online gaming–hell there was barely even a video game that you could have at home. We played sports, cops and robbers, cowboys and indians, charlie’s angels, rode our bikes, and beat each other up. Good Old-Fashioned fun. Now kids play fantasy football and have a Second Life. How did we get here?

I can say that I will not allow my children to have a computer or even a TV in their room. I will make sure that it doesn’t get to the point where they are staying up all night filling themselves up with Red Bull so that they can play some game on line and eventually drop dead from exhaustion. How does it get this bad? How do we get so out of control? Technology is great but it also is sucking the life out of us.

I know I am rambling here. Maybe I should spend a little more time online perfecting my posts so that they maybe make more sense.

I spend about 2 hours a day total online (if you add all the little minutes that I check email, etc). I blog and visit your blogs (many I get in my email). I research for school which often requires I go online through my University to access our library. I shop online–this week I bought Christmas Cards (Shutterfly) and I read the NY Times online in the morning.

Now its your turn…..

How much time do you spend online? where do you go online and what do you do? How do you handle the Internet with your kids? I am curious.

Virtual Value or Day 14

November 14, 2007 / Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

Who gets to decided you can’t put peanuts in Chocolate chip cookies? Who gets to decided a Kate Spade bag is better than a Liz Claiborne bag? Who gets to decided that Jimmy Choo’s are better than Nine West? Who gets to decided staying home is better than working or vice versa? Who gets to decided an ivy league education is better than a state school education?

These are the age old questions of value. I have done a great deal of thinking about what is imporant in life and why I think it is important. These thoughts have led me to then examine society as a whole and what we value and how arbitrary these values really are. The values that are put upon materials items are subjective. It is amazing to me that I can get a real all leather bag for relatively inexpensive, but if I want a vinyl or just plain non-leather bag with some letter plastered all over them I am expected to pay hundreds of dollars–only because people have decided that someone’s name is more valuable than someone else’s. It is quite laughable actually. How the media and popular culture have us all spending our hard earned money one something that is really insignificant. We work hard to buy things that don’t really matter and aren’t really worth what we pay for them. The value is completely arbitrary. The only things that really matter and have value in our lives and are worth time and effort are our relationships. Those are the things that we will carry with us forever. Those are the items that have a value more than a dollar amount could possibly measure. I have to remind myself of that as I dream of all the material and insignificant things that would so not really make my life any better but the marketers say I gotta have…

Where do you place your value?

To Give? To Take? or Day 11

November 11, 2007 / Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

This morning hubby and was playing with Minnow and pondered out loud how Minnow could love him so much. I told hubby Minnow loves us so much because we love him so much. Kids at that age give what they get. It was a moment for me as I thought back to the kids that I had taught and interacted with. So many of them didn’t know love and were therefore unable to give love. It was part of my job as teacher to give to them and to give to them more than they ever gave to me. I had been given too and it was my turn to give.

Our society has become more about taking than about giving. I think that is one of the chief differences politically between the dems and the reps. Dems want to give and the don’t necessarily worry about getting back. Reps want to take what is theirs and keep it without sharing what they have been given on the backs of those who built their multi-million dollar mansion or their thousand dollar suits.

When I was a kid I had to work for what I got. I had to give before I got. If I worked hard and got good grades that I would be given some token–money, clothes, etc. To often today kids and even us adults don’t have to do much to get what we have. We have become a selfish nation. We have a generation of folks who have forgotten what it is to give–(not everyone. I know plenty of folks who give and give greatly). But we are in general a greedy society and if we can take without giving we will.

Take for instance our growing workforce and the number of high educated young folks who cannot get a decent job. We have people who are healthier and who are living longer and who in turn are working longer in their high paying good jobs. In past generations these jobs would have been retired from and some young college grad would take the place given up and on and on. Well, now we have folks who aren’t giving up those jobs and are working years longer. Yes it is good for them but it is bad for those who depend on attrition and retirement for their future. At some point it is time to stop taking (the paycheck, the job) and to start giving back (volunteering, etc).

Our societies balance between giving and taking is out of whack. We need to get that balance back.

What have you given lately?

Adoption Is Not Charity or Day 7

November 7, 2007 / Dawn Kasal-Finley / 6 Comments

Please let me start by reminding folks that I am an adoptive parent. I have one son adopted from Ethiopia–home over a year and am in process of adopting a daughter from Ethiopia. Please let me also say that these are only my views and opinions and are in no way judgements of others. It is an exploration of my own views, motives and comfort level. Adoption is beautiful. Without it I would not be a parent.

Now with that said. November is Adoption Awareness Month. I think it is time that we in the adoption community set forth to change the social perceptions of adoption. Adoption is not about charity. Adoption is not about rescuing a child. Adoption is not about the latest social trend. Adoption is about building families. I did not adopt my son because I saw a child in need. I adopted my son because I wanted to be a mother and for whatever “bigger than me” reason I cannot conceive my own child. I wanted a child. My act was once of selfishness not in anyway selfless. We need to change the perception and those first comments “Your son is so lucky.” “His life will be so much better here.” “It is a great thing you did giving a child a home.” “I hope he realizes one day how lucky he is.” My comment to each one of these is that we are the lucky ones. I am lucky that adoption exists. My son is unlucky that our world is such that he was unable to stay with the woman who loved and nurtured him in her womb for 9 months. My son is unlucky that he will not be raised in his birth country by people of the same beliefs and origins. My son lost something tremendous through this process and no one ever thinks about that when they think about adoption.

Adoption has a dark side and it is time that we as adoptive parents start talking about that. We must help others see that our children have lost something–some of them have lost things far more than they have gained. Once we admit and face these facts head on we can help our children heal. Adoption is about loss and sadness as much as it is about beginnings and happiness. I know that there are people who adopt because they feel that they are saving a child. I have to wonder if that is the way they really feel, or if that is the socially acceptable way to talk about it when you already have biological children. I know people have a hard time understanding adoption if it has never touched their lives. But there must be away to change the perception that Adoption is Charity. I don’t want my son growing up with that type of perception hanging over him.

I know some of this perception comes from adoption fundraising. I am not saying that people shouldn’t fundraise for their adoptions. We all do what we need and what we are comfortable doing. (No judgements here). It is something that I am not comfortable doing…as I wouldn’t have fundraised for my fertility treatments and I see the two as the same. I wouldn’t ask for input to naturally have children and I didn’t ask for input for our decision to adopt. We traditionally fundraise in our society for charities or politicians. Fundraising to add to our families sends a message that I don’t think is especially helpful. I do think that we can change the perceptions of adoption without putting a halt to fundraising.

I don’t know how to change these overarching perceptions and preconceived notions that society has, but I believe it must be done. I believe that an open and honest dialogue is the way to go. I don’t want my son to feel like he needs to be grateful that we brought him into our family. In order for this to be true, society has to believe it. It is a big task, but I believe it has to happen. It has to happen for the children. They deserve to feel what they feel without being judged for those feelings. They need to search and grieve, and resent (if need be) without feeling guilty that they owe us something more than any kid should be made to feel he/she owes his or her own parents.

Suggestions??????