I am a member of a stay-at-home mom’s group. We get together weekly with our kids and once a month just us moms. I never really thought about the differences between adoptive parents (those who only have adopted children) versus parents whose children are bio. Last night it really hit me. We had book club–I don’t know why we really call it that, we really just drink, eat and chat. We do sometimes talk about the book but it is an excuse for socializing. Anyway. I have so much in common with them all–except for the fact that I didn’t give birth to my son. I cannot in anyway relate to the issues that come with pregnancy or birth and I have to admit I am jealous. I don’t feel any less of a mother because I didn’t give birth to my son–as if you do the paper work and the waiting–I have a hard time imagining pregnancy and labor being more difficult than that 🙂 But I do feel less womanly–that isn’t a good representation, but I do feel like I am missing something that I am suppose to have experienced. That I want to experience. It comes in waves. Just when I feel that I am at peace with my infertility, I get hit with the longing to be pregnant. But then I look at Minnow and I have to thank the fertility gods because he is an amazingly perfect child and a perfect fit for our family and I wouldn’t trade him for anything. Oh what internal conflict.

I found myself defending Angelina Jolie last night as an adoptive parent. They were criticizing her comment about Shiloh being a “blob” and that she was having a difficult time as a parent feeling connected to her. I had to step in as an adoptive parent and remind them that Shiloh is Angelina’s first biological child and that her previous experiences with motherhood came when the children were 4 months or so old and how different it is when your child is responsive and smiling and moving around to just laying around doing nothing besides eating, sleeping, etc. As women who have only had that biological experience they cannot in anyway comprehend what being an adoptive parent is like. Yes we are all mothers, but our experiences are so different.

I sometimes feel like the outsider. As the adoptive parent. This is internal on my part. No one has ever treated me as though I was less than a mother, but I can feel the difference in our experiences, more than they can as they are surrounded by those who have had the same experience, whereas I am not.

I think someone needs to send a copy to Washington written on such a level that those idiots remember how they got their “cushy” jobs. I have never been a big fan of politics as in my life politics has always been about money. I don’t have any; therefore, I am not “loud”. I learned in my poli sci class that there is one thing that will get you access to your representative–I use that word loosely–MONEY.

I was watching the world news the other evening and I heard something that really ticked me off. There was a debate on the Senate floor about setting a withdrawal date for our troops. One Republican Senator was citing a poll that showed that something like 60+% of Americans favored a withdrawal of our troops. Then McCain said that they do not pay attention to polls. They do what they think is right.

Wait a frickin’ minute. I only minored in history but I am pretty sure that we still have a representative democracy right? We elect officials who represent us–their constituents. They are supposed to look out for our best interest right? We don’t elect them so that they can fulfill their own agendas do we? I understand that good old GW thinks that he doesn’t have to listen to anyone–Congress did give him that power–but haven’t we all made it perfectly clear what the majority of us as Americans want? We did shift power in Congress hoping to see things change.

Our government needs to change. We need to change the people we put into power. We need to remind our representatives who they represent. For example, here in Missouri for two consecutive years their was an issue that came before voters in regards to allowing for a Conceal and Carry law–those NRA types want to be able to carry concealed weapons and feel it is their constitutional right. The issue was rejected by voters both times and with about 60% of voter voting no. Missouri is a red state except for our major metropolitan areas which are very blue. Well, our state congress felt that the people really wanted this issue to pass to they passed it in Congress even though we had voted against it twice.

Oh wise interneter how can we change that madness that has become our government?

already. I can’t believe it. Times moves so fast as you get older and busier. My birthday is fast approaching and I can hardly believe that I am going to be 36. I certainly don’t feel 36. It really is just a number though. From what I hear 36 is the new 25 so I guess I am okay with being 36.

Minnow is growing and growing and growing. He had his 15month check up last week. He grew 2 inches since his 12month check up–he only gained 1lbs. But he is doing just fine. He has all 8 teeth now in front. I am excited for his molars to come in as he really wants to eat heartier food.

School starts on Aug 20th. I really like being off in the summer. This was actually my first summer where I didn’t work in a long time. I think when I go back to teaching, I will not teach summer school. Ever!!! I only have 3 more classes to take to finish up my MA in English. I am taking 2 in the fall–starting Aug 20 and will take one in the spring. Then I will be done with that leg of the educational race. But to add to it all…I have applied to the Doctoral program. I am hoping to finish my EdD–Doctor of Education. I figure I might set a world record for time in school. Really it is just a ploy to avoid paying my student loans back. I know I will have to eventually and yes I know that they keep accumulating interest, but when your student loans are almost as much as your mortgage it is hard not to avoid them.

Hubby has decided that he wants to go back to school too. He is planning on getting his M.ed in Education Technology. Hubby is a computer guy–a software and integration engineer–he also creates programs for his work to use to streamline their processes. Anyway, he is hoping to get into designing programs for educational organizations, etc. So we won’t at all be busy over the next few years. One toddler, adding a baby early next year (on waiting list for her), trying IVF again to see about producing one or two bio children. Plus going to school. I think I have just uncovered a new recipe for insanity.

Happy Birthday. There are no words to express how I feel about you that do justice to my feelings and love for you. Just know that there isn’t a day that goes by where I wouldn’t marry you all over again. The world is a better place with you in it.

As and English major I have had the opportunity to get to read thousands of books that I may not have picked up on my own–I tend to go for mystery and comedy/romance books with an occasionally read of the chick-lit variety–I absolutely love Nora Roberts, Patricia Cornwell, Janet Evanovich and Catherine Coulter.

Here is a beginning list of my favorite books

Paris Trout–Peter Dexter
Meridian–Alice Walker
Sula–Toni Morrison
Confessions of Nat Turner–William Styron
Tobacco Road–Erskine Caldwell
Catch-22–Joseph Heller
Confederacy of Dunces–John Kennedy Toole
Moses Ascending–Samuel Selvon
Sanctuary–William Faulkner
As I Lay Dying–William Faulkner
Vendor of Sweets–R. K. Narayan
Their Eyes Were Watching God–Zora Neale Hurston
Summer Before the Dark–Doris Lessing
Tess of D’urbervilles–Thomas Hardy
Skin Tight and Sick Puppy–Carl Hiassen
Paradise Lost–John Milton
Wide Sargasso Sea–Jean Rhys
A Room of One’s Own–Virgina Woolf
Breath, Eyes, Memory–Edwidge Danticat
Haroun and the Sea of Stories–Salman Rushdie
Pudd’nhead Wilson–Mark Twain
The Blithedale Romance–Nathaniel Hawthorne
Cane–Jean Toomer
O’Pioneers–Willa Cather