I got a few comments and pm’s about posting my weight on line. If I am going to be successful I have to be honest. I need to also be accountable. If all of my readers know that I am trying to lose weight and know what I weigh and what I want to weigh, then I am held accountable. I am not strong enough-at this point-to hold myself accountable. If I were well then I wouldn’t have gained back 20lbs.

Weight has been an issue for me since pueberty. I know I have mentioned this before–I have PCOS and it is a major contributing factor to my weight problems. My weight has been a focus. My mom, she means well, has been on my to watch my weight, to lose weight, etc since pueberty. I was always a thin kid–until I reached a certain age–well that is when the PCOS developed. I could hid most of the weight issue as I was an athelete. I played soccer year round. I was really active. I had a few injuries in high school that caused me to miss most of the season my jr and sr year. I then blew out my knee-had to have ACL reconstruction and was bed ridden for nearly 6 solid months. I packed on quite a bit of weight during that time. With PCOS, it is hard to lose weight–especially if you don’t know you have it. As most women don’t. So this has been a constant struggle for me. I am lucky that I don’t look like my weight. I have a good perctage of muscle mass. I am strong and have some muscle definition. But, I have a long way to go to reach a point where I will once and for all be happy with my body–or so I hope. I know I know have a long term goal. To reach 150 and stay there–forever.

Starting point 219.6 (I Know I said tomorrow-but I really needed to get this off of my chest)

Thank you for all of your support.

I am a person of conviction and when I set my mind to do something, I do it and move on. I set a goal to lose weight…I lost it. I didn’t set the goal to keep if off. I have gained 15 of it back–still down 35. I look short term and seem to totally forget the long term. I have to work on that or else I will forever be the hamster on the wheel that really goes no where.

Last night my best friend called and asked me to ride a century with her in February. I said absolutely. I haven’t ridden a century since Sept 2004. Of course now I am lighter, but I am also out of cycling shape. It is winter where I live and butt ass cold for riding. So I have 4 months to train for a ride and I happen to live in a place where training will be difficult. I am going to have to buy rollers for my bike so that I can ride and condition inside. I am not opposed to riding in the freezing cold, but I can’t take Minnow with me; therefore, my options for training are limited. So, starting Monday back to chalkboard on eating right and exercising. Until my rollers come I will be on the stationary bike at the gym–or on my spinner bike at home. I am setting another short term goal–please hold me accountable–40lbs off my bod by the ride on Feb 10. I am hoping to be riding up to 15 mph–that is still pretty slow but it will be up from my 12mph of my first century. I will post my updates and status. I will weigh in on monday and keep a running log of training, etc.

At least the ride is in Palm Springs. I haven’t been there. I know absurd since I lived in southern california for 9 years.

and Minnow saw zebra’s, giraffes, donkeys, elephants, hippos, and his favorite–a tiger. It was great fun and he was fast asleep before we were finished seeing all the sights.

Nothing cuter than baby feet. I am amazed everyday of how much love Minnow has brought into our house and how much more love there seems to be everyday.

With each new generation there is a changing of the guard in terms of who sets limits, makes rules, etc. This is on my mind as the holidays approach and my MIL is coming for Thanksgiving. She will be staying with us, as she always does. But this time is very different. This time I am a mother, not just the daughter-in-law. My MIL has already stated she wants to help with middle of the night feedings, etc. Well, this isn’t going to happen. We are still bonding with our son. When we are here (we have had a babysitter-my mom and my dad and my bonus mom) we are the ones who provide for all of our son’s needs. I expect that to continue until he has been home six months. This will not set well with my MIL. I have to now set the boundaries of our relationship and her relationshiop with our children. I haven’t had to do this before, as my family lives here so they swing by for an hour here or there. My MIL is coming for 7 days/nights. I will have to be strong and help her fit into our rountine and the way we do things. I know she will feel left out, she already exhibted that when we were in Ethiopia. I will have to help her understand her supporting role. I know this will be hard, as she will only see Minnow once or twice a year. I know that she will want him to get to know her, but I will have to make sure that she understands that I am the mother now.

I wage this battle with my own mom as well. It is hard to find your own mother voice and to voice it lounder and stronger and prouder than the the voices of the mothers who have come before. Any advice?????