I don’t mean to alarm you, but don’t assume your son or daughters teacher is above reproach.  Especially here in Missouri.  A recent audit of Missouri schools and teachers showed that many had some sort of criminal background–often including violent crimes or child abuse.  An article was published by Teacher Magazine Weekly. 

I once got a teacher fired because of their history of child abuse/molestation.  I was a teacher for 4 years and each year there was an incident of what is called molestation.  I taught high school and it is much trickier there, as many of the students are 17 and 18.  I will not get into a debate now about teacher/student relations.  I have never understood them.  More often than not the person in power–the teacher–is to blame.  That’s all I’ll say about that.

So my first year as a high school teacher, I was at a city school.  I’ll translate the word city for those of you who aren’t sure why that notation matters–city=poor, minority and marginalized students.  One administrator who I will call Little Mr. Big sent up a flag with me.  He talked about himself in the 3rd person, he couldn’t quite put together a grammatically correct sentence and he misspelled achievement on a bulletin board he made for the day the state auditors were coming.  To say I didn’t like him is an understatement, but I have long ago learned you aren’t always going to like the people you work with.  I ignored him most of the time and as a teacher it is generally pretty easy to close your classroom door and do your job. 

Well, I overheard some gossip. Again those of you who are teachers know that gossip is a very high commodity in a school.  If you have it people will flock to you.  I am not a gossip really, but I do like to listen to gossip.  I will/can admit that.  So, I heard a rumor that Little Mr. Big had been fired from a previous school district, in a state just across the river for child molestation.  I was appalled by this.  I couldn’t believe that our system was so fucked up that it couldn’t find out the true history, or that if it did it would look the other way. 

So, I set out to do some digging. It didn’t take me long.  I went to the online archives of our local paper and did a quick search. It returned 3 results in a matter of seconds.  I purchased the articles that revealed the Little Mr. Big had been let go from his previous teaching job for promising a student an A if he had sex with him.  The student was male.  The student was smart and told his parents, who in turn told the police.  The police set up a sting operation and arrested Little Mr. Big at the hotel with the boy.  Little Mr. Big didn’t go to jail, but we sentenced to probabtion and a condition of his probabtion was that he was no longer to ever work with children again.  Well here he was 8 years later working with students, young students in a position of authority. 

I printed out the articles and delivered them to my principal.  Two days later he was fired.  It was a big step for me.  I thought about how maybe in 8 years he had changed.  I thought maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe if I had like him I might have.  I questioned my motives for a long time and finally came to grips with the fact that it was my professional responsibility as a teacher to protect my students.  Little Mr. Big was a predator. 

It saddens me that this happens at all and with any frequency.  But education is fraught with corruption.  School districts don’t want a blight on their record. They reassign teachers/staff who seemingly have problems or have been accused.  In the absence of evidence I think this is good, as it is never like a student hasn’t lied to hurt a teacher that they feel wronged them.  But educators and schools tend to overlook issues.  Districts will release teacher and administrators promising them that if they just go work at another district they will give them a recommendation.  Where is the accountability?  What are we teaching our students/children? 

I have been thinking for some time now that I needed a new home/title.  I have written previously that when I started this blog originally I did it to chronicle the adoption of our first son.  That is done. Our son has been with us for one year and I have found myself every increasingly writing about topics, etc. that are not adoption related. That is not to say that I won’t continue to write about adoption, as we are in the process of another adoption.  But having been through one already, I find that I need to write less and less about adoption and more and more about the issues in my life and the world that interest me. 

I decided that an overhaul was needed.  And I really wanted it.  My orignal blog Family Found holds a special place in my heart and in my life.  It will stay up for the time being, as I wait or the design of my new home to be finished.  But this blog/site will be more about me and who I am, etc  I am a mother, a wife, a teacher, a graduate student, a woman.  You will see from the title of this site that I have some delusions of grandeur.  Over the last few months I have come to terms with my role as all of the aforementioned categories.  I have accepted that I am not perfect and cannot be perfect.  Perfection can not be achieved here on earth.  Buddha taught that the way to eliminate suffering begins with understanding the true nature of the world.  I am not looking to end the suffering of other, lets be honest that is a task too great for anyone. But I have started to eliminate my own suffering by understanding that as a woman, wife, mother, teacher, student, I cannot be perfect. I cannot do it all at the sametime.  I have been trying to do it all and failing miserably at all of it.  I am beginning to understand for myself what the true nature of the world is.  That is part of the reason for the new name.  And to be honest as well, it is catchy and I wanted something catchy. 

I did not search online to see if the monniker had been taken.  If it has and it was taken by you…I’m sorry.  I am not trying to steal your thunder.  Interneters do not think that I wanted to poach someone elses identity.  I had a long list of names for this new site and after really looking at where I am in life right now and my whole outlook on life I really felt that this was perfect for me.  I am sure there are many Dalai Mama’s out there.  I am just the next reincarnation.  That is how I look at it. 

Please bare with the blandness of the site as it is being designed and should be up and running at full force in about a month.  I am working with a talented designer from Swank Web Style and am looking forward to having the site professionally designed. 

Stay tuned.  I will be cross-posting my posts until the move is complete. 

One year ago 7000 miles away our little Minnow was laid in our arms. He at that moment became the center or our family. He was sick, barely 10 lbs and was hospitalized. He has since grown over 10 inches and gained 13lbs. He walks, runs, dances and babbles incessantly. He loves SpongeBob, avocado and snuggling with mommy and daddy.

http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docId=

click here if above is not working.
He has come a long way since this day. As have we. He is everything we could have hoped for and more. I went into this whole motherhood thing with a level of naivete that has since been stomped out by short screaming tantrums, dirty clothes, and lots of sticky messes. I wouldn’t trade any of those difficult moments for anything in the world. Because for each difficult moment there have been big wet kisses, endless giggling, countless high-fives, an infinite number of loving moments that have clearly shown me what really is important in life.

Happy Family Day Minnow. We love you.

I read a great article in Good Housekeeping the other day. It was about emotional eating and why most women–especially mother tend to do it. The author’s thesis is that those of us who are emotional eaters use food to nourish ourselves as we don’t do it in any other way. Food is the way we “take care” of ourselves. I know it might seem counter intuitive to take care of yourself by eating an entire loaf of zucchini bread or an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s, but it makes total sense that that is what I have been doing. Food is really the only thing I do for myself lately. Sad uh? I think this is something that many women struggle with, especially those of us who become mothers later in life. I was pretty much 35 when Minnow came to us. I had spent many a year taking care of what I needed and doing it for me and for no one else.

I think my first slide came when I met my hubby. I started putting him first–once the relationship got serious. I certainly didn’t put him first in those early stages. But once we moved in together and got engaged. I put him first and my needs were second. I ended up gaining a great deal of weight (about 70 lbs). Of course it didn’t happen right away but it did happen. I lost much of the gained weight, only to have Minnow and then gain much of what I lost back. Minnow became first, hubby second and ranked a lowly third on my priority list.

I have come the realization that I am not going to lose the weight and feel good about myself until I take care of myself. Until I put myself first. As a mother, this seems weird. I feel like my child should be put first. I am starting to realize that if I put myself first, my child will reap those benefits. If I go to the gym for an hour and drop minnow in the gym’s child care, he will be okay and will even become more well adjusted to different situations. I need to put myself first. I need to be the best me I can be, so that I can be the best mom and wife that I can be. As I haven’t been very good at either lately. Whether that statement is true or not to Minnow or Hubby doesn’t matter. It is my perception that is my reality.

So ladies of the so very wise blogsphere, how do you take care of you so that you can better take care of your family? How do you find/create your “me” time? How do your nourish your soul? Share your stories here.