Hey all. Just to let those of you who read me–I know the number is small–that I will be moving my blog to my own site. I have decided that blogger has done good by me, but that it is time that I move up to a site that can give me more options. I started this blog to document the journey we took to start our family. It has evolved from that into so much more. I feel it is time for a redesign. Those of you who started with me way back–don’t worry I will still write and document my life as a mom and the next adoption. I have a domain and will post it once the site is up and running. Until then, I will of course continue to write here. I hope you will all join me at my new digs. I have spent a great deal of time coming up with a new title, etc. Something that really fits me and my views of the world, etc.

Until then, keep reading with me here. Because my readers rock!

We went back to said coffee house today. As it is great. I love it. Minnow loves it. But please parent your children when you are out in public. Don’t just shake your head and wonder why your kid is pushing, kicking, hitting, etc. And please don’t offer excuses or psycho babble reasons why said child is aggressive. I don’t care that he is the youngest of 3 boys. I want to see you do something about him hitting the girl. I want to see you watch your child, especially if you know he/she is aggressive. Yes, some of us moms can sit on the sidelines, drink our coffee and chat, because our kids aren’t pushing, hitting, or ripping toys out of other kids’ hands. I’m sorry that you want to sit with us, but you have a job to do–PARENT YOUR CHILD. That means that you need to sit in the play area with your aggressive, grossly misunderstood child and watch them and discipline them. By discipline I do not mean your quietly in nice mom voice say “No Hit” and then return to your seat–which is furthest away from the play area and keep talking. All of this is great until I see you watch as another mother has to wrench her child away from the blows from your child. And not until then do you get up, move, or say anything to your child.

If that is your idea of what a parent is, please don’t bring your child to play with mine. As, I have my hands full parenting my own child. I don’t get paid to parent yours. If you would like me too–I charge $20 an hour.

Okay, in our city we can pay to participate in curb side recycling. It is great and the cost in minimal–$47 a year. It is a pilot program and I love it. We drink a lot of soda, beer, coffee flavor syrup, milk, etc. Oh and don’t even get me started on newspapers and magazines. We have forgotten to put out our recyling 2 weeks ago and then we were out of town last week. So needless to say we had a lot of recycling. Also, we had a ton of cans from when we recylced but weren’t part of a recyling program and were too frickin’ lazy to take the cans to the recyling center.

So, like good citizens, we put our recycling out last night–it has to be out at the curm before 7am. Well about 10 minutes ago, the dogs started growling and barking. This means one of a few things–there is another dog that dare tread on their sidewalk, a leaf is blowing across the street and they think it is a rabbit, squirrel or a cat, and now I can add to this list–someone stealing my recycling….

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Today we met with our mom’s group at this really awesome cafe designed and owned by moms. It has this great play area for kids and their is seating all around for parents, as well as tables to block the kids from easily escaping. It is a great place and only 5 minutes from my house. I can’t believe that I haven’t been their before, especially since I am a coffee shop/cafe whore. I love them….

Anyway, so the kids of all ages are playing. Of course kids are going to bet bumped and their will be the occasional fight/struggle/tantrum over a particular toy, etc. I don’t much worry about that stuff. There was a moment and I must say I was so happy that my child was completely unphased. Two boys about 4 or 5 were struggling over one toy–because all of the kids play together, there really aren’t that many toys that are geared towards the older kids. One mom picked up her son and removed him and the other mom did the same before their was really a problem. Both boys let out piercing screams and all of the other kids stopped and watched as the boys through their loud, but short lived tantrums. All, except for my little Minnow who kept on singing to himself and “cooking” on the play kitchen stove top. It was hilarious. Here are these two boys screaming so loud and crying, I am certain they could be heard 3 doors down; all of these other kids are staring and my little one was just playing like nothing was going on.

Anyway, there are bully’s everywhere. I know that. But really, at what point do you remove your bully child from the mix? There was one boy who was hell bent on ruining the afternoon for all of the other kids and parents–except for his own who were doing “work” (sewing and writing). He pushed kids of all shapes and sizes. And not the kind of pushing that happens when you are trying to work yourself into a better position–the kind of pushing where you use two hands and push. So he did this about 2 or three times and I would hear “Now Eddie don’t do that” “Eddie don’t push” “Eddie”. All the while I am thinking “get the fuck off of your ass and grab your child before he hurts one of these little kids.” He was finally put in timeout–which consisted of sitting in dad’s lap while mom talked to him–not much of a punishment in my book.

Yes, I know I only have a 16 month old, but I’ve watched enough supernanny episodes to know that holding your child in your lap while you talk to them and give them positive attention isn’t really what needs to happen. (No, I don’t really watch supernanny–I’ve taken child psych). Sorry if you didn’t get the little bit of sarcasm that is dripping off of the supernanny/child psych comment). I just think I have common sense.

Anyway, so after maybe 2 minutes in dad’s lap little monster Eddie gets down and gets to play again. He lasts about 2 minutes before he starts pushing, etc again. Dad goes to get him and mom says “You can just give him a warning”. I am think “What the fuck was that timeout all about. Wasn’t he already warned and punished for doing the same thing? He gets to start all over with a warning?” But of course I say nothing. Until he pushes my son. And he pushed him good. My little Minnow is pretty tough and he was crying.

So Eddie gets put in time out. With mom holding him telling him she isn’t mad at him but he can’t push kids. Maybe if this was his first time out in public or his first time pushing a kid ever, I might buy that timeout method, but this kid is a bully.

I finally said “Maybe he shouldn’t be in here if he can’t play well with others” and then I walked away. It was time for us to go anyway. As we were leaving I hear “Eddie, you don’t push other kids.” I looked right at mom and dad and said to one of my friends “I think their timeout strategy is really working. I’m glad Eddie is so well-behaved that they can just let him play while they get their work done.”

I feel kind of bitchy and snotty. But when is enough enough? They were about 15 kids between the ages of about 9 months to about 6 there playing. This kid was the only kid who was being downright mean and the only one who was continually allowed by his parents to be a bully.

What would you have done?

If I am going to be real I need to admit that being a Stay-At-Home Mom is not all that it is cracked up to be. At least not for me. I love Minnow and I love spending time with him, but I miss teaching. I miss my students. I miss so much about working.

I am bored. I am really bored. If I am bored, Minnow must be bored. I am not going to feel bad that I don’t enjoy staying at home all day with my son. I should rephrase that, as we don’t stay home all day–we do go out. I want more for Minnow. I know he is happy hanging out with me and playing blocks and learning our colors, etc. But how he lights up when he gets to interact with kids.

I have spent the majority of my life working and a good part at working really hard to become a teacher and to be a good teacher. Maybe I would feel differently if I didn’t absolutely love my career. That is it in a nutshell. I have a career that I love and it has never been a job for me.

I would go back to work tomorrow if I could. I would be happier and because of that my son would be happier. But this is hard, as it goes against what I believe in. I think it is really important for a parent to stay home. I have to admit that I am not sure why I think this. Kids turn out just fine all of the time with parents that work. I don’t know where I picked up this holier than thou attitude that if one parent isn’t staying home than you don’t really have the best interest of your child in mind. That is so not true.

I can still work and care for my child. I am so conflicted because I don’t want to seem that all I care about is what is right for me. But, I am going to go insane if I don’t go back to work. I am not going to go back to work this year…at least not until maybe January. I only want to work/teach part time. I have school. Maybe I could consider school full-time. I wonder how quickly I could finish my doctoral degree if I went full time. So many questions. How will I balance work and school? I think it is important for me to understand that I don’t think I could balance teaching high school full time, going to grad school, and taking care of my young family. But I can teach community college and do school and take care of my family.

I am taking the first steps next week. I am looking to put Minnow in pre–pre-school a couple of mornings or so a week. This will get Minnow out of the house and socializing–which he really loves–and it will give me time to do school work and not have to take away from family time.

There is so much to consider. To add to it all, my doctoral application is being reviewed–with a fine-toothed academic comb. I am nervous now, just wait until I have to prep for my panel interview. I get an upset stomach just thinking about it–wait that just might be the 2 Klondike ice cream bars I just ate.