Mocha has a very poignant post today. I have had the opportunity to examine my own preconceptions as I learn daily what it is to be the parent of a black child. My child is black and both myself and my husband are very white. Going into this whole parenting thing is one thing, going into this whole parenting thing with a child of color is something very very different. Not only am I different than most of my mom friends because my son is adopted but I am also decidedly different because my son is black. Sadly, he is often the only child of color at any of our playgroups–one other woman has a daughter from China, but to be honest being Asian where I live is not the same as being black.

I really thought that I had a leg up on this whole race thing as I have had interactions with black people my whole life–as my city is about 50/50 white and black. This, I have learned, is more of a hindrance than a benefit. My city is segregated and segregated badly. There are white communities and black communities. Are their black people who live in the white communities, yes–but very very few. I have been forced to face my feelings about the black areas. I have been taught over the years not that black people where bad but that certain areas were dangerous. Well, who lives in those area? You guessed it.

I have thought about taking Minnow to places that offer more of an opportunity for him to interact with children of color. That would be good for him and it is my job to do what is good for him, but I would be an outsider. And in a city as segregated as ours, outsiders are not embraced with open arms.

It is important to clarify that our differences are much deeper than the color of our skin. They are cultural. These cultural differences are exacerbated by our skin color, but also for me because I am an adopted mother. The looks I get from black women and men when I am alone with Minnow differ greatly then the looks I get when I am with hubby as well. I might be an insider when it is just me–meaning Minnow could very well be my son, when it is just he and I, but when hubby is thrown into the mix, it is obvious that our son is adopted.

I don’t know how to conquer this issue. I have to keep wrestling with my own preconceived notions in order to give Minnow a balanced look at race. I have to be aware of the situations that somehow place a value on skin color–no matter how insignificant they seem. It is hard to be an outsider, but I think that it is easier for me as an adult to cope than it will be for my son and my future daughter. I need to seek out opportunities for my son to see and interact with people of color in a positive way.

As a woman and mother, reconciling my own feelings about being an outsider in so many groups is the hard part. I am lucky that this blogosphere has allowed me to “meet” many mom’s just like me–white adoptive parents of Ethiopian children. It is nice to be on the inside somewhere. You ladies rock…and you know who your are.

I have been having trouble getting to sleep at night. I usually read in bed until 11–when hubby makes me turn out my reading light. It usually then takes me about 20-30 minutes to fall asleep. Last night, I wasn’t near tired and hubby was so I decided I would read in the den. Then I decided I would just catch up reading some blogs. I have been wanting to read dooce’s archives. I have been reading her sight for about a year but wanted to read more–as I think she rocks. Then I was tired of reading and wanted to watch a little TV as that tends to wind me down. I watch 5 episodes of the season two of Weeds. If you are not a watcher of Weeds, let me just say you don’t know what you are missing. It is hilarious. It is on showtime, which I won’t pay for so I buy the seasons in the summer and watch them. It is cheaper than 3 months of showtime.

So, I am finally ready to try to sleep at 2am when what do I hear? Yeah the sweet and sour sounds of a 16 month old who is awake and doesn’t want to go back to sleep. We change the diaper–I mean I not we…Still crying. I get him some milk–he drinks it all. Sleeps for 25 minutes and then still crying. At this point it is now 3 am and I am frickin‘ tired and ready to sleep. Hubby gets up and brings said baby to bed with us. Said baby tosses and turns. Nothing like getting kicked in the face with those infant size 5’s. He decides it is time to sing a song–baby karaoke…Hubby snuggles with him–read holds him tightly to his chest–and sings as he drifts off to sleep. Said baby wants something else…I fall asleep. It was then 4:15 am.

Little Minnow is still asleep now at 10am. I am exhausted. Hubby was almost late for work–which is almost impossible to imagine as he doesn’t have to be at work until 9 am. I am crabby and sad that all those cupcakes from yesterday are gone.

One more day until vacation. We leave Saturday and it can’t come fast enough.

I am not a shoe girl by most people’s standards. I love shoes, but I love practical, comfy shoes. I love Simple shoes. I fell in love with this little Santa Barbara shoe company when I moved out there in the early nineties. I have been a fan ever since. They now have a line of shoes that are made from sustainable materials and are biodegradeable. LOVE IT. Anyway, I just thought I would share with all of you wonderful readers out there who like cool shoes, but didn’t know that this company existed. I am currently waiting for a huge order from them. I can’t wait to slip my feet into these…and yes they are as comfortable as they look. And for those of you do-it-yourselfers…make your own. Yes, I said make your own.