As many of you know, I have struggled with my weight for a long time.  Not only do I love food, but I also have PCOS which helps weight gain and hinders weight loss.  I have tried to do a few different weight loss plans, but none of them have really worked.  I like variety and I love, I mean L-O-V-E, love food.  So, I haven’t  been successful in the long term and it is frustrating.  I was reading an article in Women’s Health and it talked about keeping a food journal.  And how those who keep a food journal tend to be more successful than those who don’t for long term success.  I really want to make a change and lose weight, but I want the change to be forever.  I also want to feel like I can eat without feeling guilty.  I have tried (not fully committed) in the past to keep track of what I ate.  But writing food down on paper was hard, as I would often lose it and then I would have to look up what I ate in a book or online and it was very time consuming and then I would really just give up.  Well, I am in love with My Food Dairy.  It really makes things easy and it does all the math for you.  It tells you at the end of each day when you will reach your ultimate goal and a few intermediate goals.  It breaks down carbs, protein, fat, vitamins, etc.  It highlights what was good and what was bad.  It tells you what percentage of your calories come from the aforementioned categories.  It really is awesome and it is online and I can access the site from any computer.  That makes it so easy. 

Back to the title of this post…I was eating way to fucking much food.  OMG! No wonder I couldn’t lose any weight.  It was so interesting to me to see how much I was really eating.  It is insane and now I am armed with a tool that will allow me to hopefully finally be successful.  The program holds me accountable and I hate to see frowns–it gives you smiley faces for good and frowns for bad.  Amazing how something so insignificant is enough to make this overachiever work hard so the computer isn’t frowning at me. 

Oh yeah!  If I keep it up I get an iphone so it will be easier for me to track my food all the time.  How awesome is that?  Talk about incentive. 

I had no idea how much personal baggage I was carrying around within my extra pounds. The pounds just slowly made themselves at home on my body and nestled into to every insecurity I had. Who knew I was insecure. I don’t think I did. Of course I was in total denial. I lived my whole life fighting the insecurity and trying to show it who was boss. I have finally realized that I cannot do that. It isn’t going to go anywhere, it is a result of my life. When I met my husband, I had thought that I had conquered. Oh boy I was wrong. I gained 80 pounds in the years after meeting my now husband. God bless him for never stopping loving me.

I don’t know when I hit the bottom, or if I really hit a bottom. I was just tired of being fat. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being fat, but I was never comfortable in my skin and that is what is important. I finally decided to get off my butt and get some help. I had tried on my own, but I really needed external motivation, the internal wasn’t working for me. I signed up for nutrition counseling and training at the local gym–I love it. It was really hard to change my eating habits, who knew that I was really eating that unheatlhy. I really had no idea.

I am proud to say that after 4 1/2 months I have lost 45 pounds. I work out everyday. I do an hour plus of cardio 7 days a week and weight training w/ my trainer 2 times a week. It has been hard work, but so worth it. I am down 3 dress sizes. I have 55 more pounds to lose, to reach my goal. I think that I can do it. I know I can. All it takes is dedication. I am hoping to unveil my true self that I have been hiding under all of this excess weight.