My children and I look nothing alike and I know that there are those of you with biological children who have children whom look as though they belong to a different family.  I know I am not the first mom to be confronted with the question “is this your baby?”  I know that I am part of a growing group who have to think before we answer this question.  Not because we don’t know the answer–Noah and Zoë are my kids.  I am their mother.  That isn’t the part that gives us pause it is our attempt to read the questioners real question–“Is that your child?” or “Is that your biological child?” 

These are different questions, especially for an adoptive mother.  I want to get over this pause and just say “yes.” Because the question will seem weird to my kids.  It is hard to answer when you know what the person really is asking isn’t the question they have posed.  I struggle with this because I want to answer honestly.  I think my hesitation comes from very early one being asked by a black ex-co-worker “Whose boy is that?” 

“Mine”

“No really whose boy?”

“Mine.”

“Oh.  Where did you adopt him from.”

I was angered, but also didn’t know how to respond to this.  Noah is certainly not a bi-racial child.  But to call someone’s mother/child relationship into question is really an awful thing to do.  Especially infront of a child.  At this time Noah was only 6 months old and it certainly hasn’t harmed him in anyway–but as the kids get older, they will be more aware of these questions and it is important that we own our role as parents. 

I will for now on anwer the question that is asked.

“Are those your babies?”

“Yes. They. Are.”

And for those of you who are curious about us transracial families.  The appropriate question is really not to ask any question–or if you really want to know–“Are you his mom/dad.”  And accept our answers.  Regardless.