TGIF For Those With Jobs

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

For me….well at least I’ll have a helper for two days–oh wait only one as he’s playing golf on Sunday. 

I have so much I want to post about, but can’t quite pin it all down. 

Peepers only woke up twice last night–once at 11:20 and once at 3am.  We are making progress and all are all a little happier for it.  Did I mention that she slept until 8:30am and that hubby got up with her at 3am.  Even though I heard her and woke up too–I still got to go right back to sleep.  I hope this is a signal that we are moving towards sleeping mostly through the night.  I could deal with one middle of the night feeding. 

I have so much more I want to say about yesterdays post…I know it’s a loaded topic and one that I must tread on carefully as I am not black but my kids are and so I have to look at it from two sides while I really only experience it from one side.  So, please click on over, read it and chime in.  EDW commented and I think her comment is valid and great.  It is nice that black wasn’t the leading descriptor–that she saw more in my precious little boy than his skin color–but in this case it would have been a helpful lead as he was the only little boy of color in the place.  It is such a hard topic, especially since we often shy away from it to not offend. 

I got the most awesome compliment the other day from an awesomely kind black woman.  She thanked my for taking such good care of my kiddos and for really putting forth a great effort with Minnow’s hair.  We chatted about the products I used–Carol’s Daughter’s Hair Milk and she said that was a good choice and that their Tui shampoo and conditioner were also awesome.  I commented about not wanting to cut Minnow’s hair and she said that I’ll have to eventually because it will be too much to take care of.  She was being sincere and her tone was not at all “oh come on white woman  you won’t be able to do his hair.”  I agree with her, especially since Minnow doesn’t sit still.  I’ll be taking him in someday to get his hair cut…maybe before he starts pre-school (in a year). 

I pride myself on being a good mother and raising good, polite, and kind children.  So far, so good.  We were at the store the other day and a man held the door for us and as Minnow walked through he paused looked at the guy and said “Thank you.”  It was awesome.  Minnow has also begun trying to hold doors open for me, which is too cute especially when the door is a little heavy for him. 

I lost another pound this week and lost 12lbs (almost halfway to my September 26th goal).  WooHoo.  I don’t mind slow–especially this week when I had a really bad week of binge eating ice cream.  I have banned it from our house, because I must eat it all.  Until. It. Is. All. Gone.  That is not good for the waist line.  I simply cannot have that our brownies around.  But I must say if you are looking for a good no-fat brownie–NO Pudge brownies are the frickin’ best. 

Next week at this time I will in Portland for EOR’s first annual board meeting.  I am excited to get to meet my fellow board members IRL and get to meet their adorable children.  I am taking Minnow and leaving Peepers at home, even though I am really having a hard time leaving Peepers behind and may end up taking her with me too.  I know, I am crazy.  But she’s my girl. 

It’s Okay To Say That My Son Is Black

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 10 Comments

Well, because he is and so is my daughter.  I haven’t really thought about how his blackness might make others uncomfortable especially when it comes to describing him.  I know this is something that I am going to deal with forever–people describing him as black in a negative way and in a positive way and having to determine the tone, etc.  But, he is black (really brown, but…).  

We were at a coffee house/cafe today that is totally kid friendly–they have a playroom with tables for eating lunch while the moms and some dads can eat and socialize while their children play.  This place gets very crazy–upwards of 30 kids under age 4 playing and running around with lots of mom’s and it’s kind of crazy. 

I am sitting with my mom friends talking and one of the employees comes over to see if anyone is missing a child.

We all look around–but it is utter chaos and so we stare blindly waiting for a description…

“curly hair.” 

we all still stare at her blankly

“blue jeans.”

we all still stare

“navy shirt.”

“Sounds like mine.” I say but still not sure.

Sure enough it is Minnow and he is playing up front with another little boy in the window.  I question why she didn’t use the obvious descriptor.  My two children are the only brown children in the entire place.  It just amazes me how hypersensitive people are about offending others. 

It wouldn’t have bothered me if she has asked if someone was missing a little black boy–it wouldn’t have taken so long to figure out whose child was missing…I guess it bother me because we cannot ignore color.  Ignoring color makes it the 800lb gorilla in the room.  Minnow and Peepers will know that they are black and I will never ignore their color and don’t want other to ignore it either.  I don’t want it to be more important than it is, but I also don’t want it to be ignored.  It just makes everyone involved uncomfortable. 

So, those of you of color or with kiddos of color–what’s your take?

One Month Down–215 To Go

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 12 Comments

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Peepers has been my second child–in real life–for one month now (A little longer if you count our time in Ethiopia).  But I am starting to count since we have been here at home with my first child–Minnow. 

I am not going to lie and say how awesome it’s been and how great.  Because quite frankly adjusting to a second child has sucked.  Not only because she doesn’t sleep, but because she is very demanding–part of that has to do with her age–she is nearly 9months old now and wants things.  She isn’t content to just hang out.  She needs things to do and it’s hard to provide both her and Minnow with age appropriate things to do–so often I let her drink (pour) my coffee and pick up hubby’s cigarette butts.  I have struggled with finding time for myself as their nap schedule resembles torture—Peepers sleeps and Minnow naps after she wakes.  Peepers naps again and Minnow wakes up 30 minutes later. 

I have gone from having 3 hours to myself to regenerate and pretend I don’t have any one other than myself demanding my time to having only 30 which serves as a stark reminder that my life is no longer my own–at all. 

But there are upsides to having a new baby–I am totally in love with her. She is happy and has a great personality.  She doesn’t cry unless she is hungry and/or tired.  She is growing and now sleeps in her own bed and is sleeping longer and I can see glimpses of more sleep in my future.  The love is amazing and seeing her every morning is awesome and watching her learn new things, etc., just plain rocks. 

I am happy and blessed to be her mother–we’ll see how she feels about that later.  But it’s tough and I am not afraid to admit it.  I know that doesn’t make me a bad mother; it just makes me a real and honest woman who is also a mother. 

So, what do you struggle with and what gets you through? 

7 Things

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

I was tagged for a 7 fact Meme by Jen.

Here are the rules:

  • List the rules on your blog.
  • Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog.
  • Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
  1. My hubby was only my second serious “grown-up” boyfriend.  I was never much for dating–to be quite honest I was horrible at dating.  I just never really saw the point.  Thank goodness I am very happily married, or I am sure I would be forever single. 
  2. I am working toward my doctorate in Education and hope to revolutionize the way we teach teachers to teach writing and the way we use writing as a tool for learning in schools.  I am very passionate about it–don’t ask me about it unless you want a really really long rant. 
  3. I am a closet writer–in the sense that I long to have a novel published.  I use to write quite consistently before I began a career in teaching and mothering.  Now I don’t write much, but I am constantly thinking of new story ideas and planning on when I really have (make) time for writing. 
  4. I will be 37 in 4 weeks and am just now beginning to feel old.  Yet, I still feel like a kid and often forget exactly how old I am.  When people ask me how old I am I often have to think very long and hard about it before I give an answer and sometimes my answer is still wrong. 
  5. I love to dance and love to sing.  But I am so bad at both of these things that I cannot risk doing them in public.  I do them in the privacy of my own home and even now my son often tells me to stop singing.  It is sad when a two-year-old tells you to stop singing. 
  6. I love to cook and am quite talented at it when I have the time.  I am not chef creative, but I can pick out a recipe and make it my own and make it delicious.  I love to entertain with good food and good wine (another obsession of mine…good wine.  I love good wine and refuse to drink anything but).  I wish I had more time to cook and more time for entertaining.  But half of the time, I can’t even get dressed before noon–so entertaining is not really an option at this point.  One day. 
  7. I love country music and listen to almost nothing but that (except the occasional kids music cd–you know the ones that make you want to poke someone’s eyes out).  I wish I had time or the inclination to listen to more up to date music, but I don’t.  I have lots of music from the 80’s and 90’s that I still listen to in addition to country but no real new music.  I wouldn’t even know where to start and before you ask, yes I do have itunes. 

Well, there you have 7 things about me.  It was hard to do and I wanted to do some things that were not things I write about often.  I am not a good finisher of things—which means I very rarely tag people to do the memes I have been tagged to do.  So, if you are reading and you are so inclined to reveal 7 things about yourself do so and leave me a comment and link in the comment to your seven amazing facts. 

Marriage and Kids

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 13 Comments

Nothing puts strain on a marriage like adding a child to the mix(I am sure that there are other things that do, but this is my experience).  Not because one wanted kids and the other didn’t, but because each child you add takes away from time and energy one could have devoted to their spouse.  I am feeling the strain.  It’s not awful, but we are both a little quicker to anger this time around.  It was like this in the early days with Minnow but not as severe.  I was happy to see him leave for work today.  Now, please don’t get me wrong I love my husband.  He is a great husband and an awesome father.  We are both tired and cranky and feeling the stress of a second child and one who we are still getting to know and figure out. 

It doesn’t help that Hubby’s company has recently been merged with a larger company and his job is a little undefinable at the moment and he feels as though he has no control over his life.  I know that this will pass and that our relationship will be stronger on the other side of this, but now right in the middle of the transitions–it’s really hard. 

I know I am not responsible for my husband’s happiness, but I think most women feel that we carry the burden of our husband’s happiness at home.  I need to resolve these feelings because I really need to focus on my own happiness which is fleeting most of the time as the stress of keeping up with my kiddos and my house as well as taking care of me.  I haven’t done much taking care of me, which means I am not that pleasant to be around either.  Hubby at least has that going for him, he’s been playing golf as much as possible lately. 

We were talking last night…

“I had such a great weekend honey”–hubby said.

“I’m glad”–I responded sincerely.

“Didn’t you have a great weekend?”

“I don’t have weekends–I have days and they are pretty much the same.”

And that’s true and I am glad that I don’t have to shuffle them off to daycare and then pick them up and feel pressured to spend quality time with them, finish school work, spend time with husband, etc.  But, I think this is what people who don’t stay home with their kids don’t seem to understand completely.  Staying at home is hard for so many reasons, but for me the hardest is that everyday is a workday.  There is no weekend.  There is no vacation.  My job follows me to the bathroom, to bed, to the store, on vacation. 

My husband doesn’t seem to understand that as he feels as though he also works all the time–being dad when he is home.  It isn’t the same and I think I am a little resentful that he thinks it is.  I know his job is hard and stressful and that there is a lot of pressure on him–being the only one who makes money–but there is also a lot of pressure on being a mom.  I am responsible for my kids and their behavior and their well-being and it is not something I can ever get away from.  Even if I had a job. 

I hope the fog lifts soon and we both find ourselves in a place where we are a little less tired and little less irritable especially with each other.  I know we will, but until then.  I’ll make the most out of life and be the best that I can be.