Let the games begin

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments
Our dossier was sent to Ethiopia on June 19th for our next adoption. Referrals at this point are taking about 7 months. So I don’t have to start obsessing until Jan 19. I am going to remind myself of that frequently as to not obsess too much. I have a long list of things that need to get done during the wait. I have to learn to chant “serenity now” at all possible moments as Minnow is getting more and more “twoish”. He is getting more and more stubborn. If he wants something “you better give it to me or I will scream and cry as if you are poking my eyes out with a sharp stick”. It has been a rough week. My patience is worn as I have been a bit under the weather. He is also getting so very clingy. He wants to be help all of the time.

We put up a pool in our back yard. It is just a small pool. But Minnow loves it. It certainly is nice to be able to float around the pool when it is 95 outside with a lot of humidity. It has been a nice addition to our backyard.

We have been really busy this week. I sold my car–it was our 3rd car and it was a small two seater. It has a removable hard top. It was the first new car I had ever bought and it is a great car. I bought it in 1994–but since Minnow joined our family and we bought a Volvo station wagon, we haven’t driven the Honda much at all. So, it is gone. It was sad to see someone else drive it, but I am happy to know that it is going to a new home. Yes, I know how ridiculous I sound. But that car was a big part of my life and I have great memories in that car. I’m going to post my top 3 memories of the car over the next day or two. Some of the stories are pretty funny. Til then…

Fathers

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

Dear Hubby,

The way our son looks at you makes me melt. I always knew you would be a great father–as you are so kind, gentle, loving, and giving. You longed for a child to hold. I was sorry for so long that biologically I could not give you a child. No longer am I sad or sorry. Minnow worships you and you worship him. He is truly your son in so many ways. I see so much of you develop in Minnow everyday. I am proud that you are his father and you are so obviously his hero. Happy Father’s Day.

Dear Daddy,

I don’t know what to say to you other than thank you for being the best dad a child could want–I think hubby is going to give you a run for your money though. I have a new appreciation for you as a father as I am now a parent. I get all warm and fuzzy when I watch you with my son as it gives me a peak into how you were with me and my brothers. I know you are proud of me. You deserve so much of the credit as without your guidance I am not sure I would be where I am. You unwavering support–even when I was at my most self-destructive–helped me more than you know. I hope to be as good as a parent as you were. I owe so much to you. I am glad that you are happy now and that my bonus mom has given you the love that you deserve. I love you dad and everything I do as a parent, I model on what I know you did. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I love you dad.

Dear Minnow’s Birthfather,

So often birthfathers are forgotten. I am not sure of your circumstances or if you even know that you fathered a child. I have to believe you don’t, as I assume (maybe wrongly so) that so few birthfathers know. I wonder how much of you is evident in the child that is now ours. I wonder if you and MA were close. Maybe you were childhood sweethearts. Maybe you were sad when she ran off to the big city from the country side. Maybe you helped her be able to go and do what you all felt best for your soon to be born child. These are all things I do not know that I wish I did. I know that I will more than likely never know. But I owe you thanks as well. I do not know the circumstances of Minnow’s conception, but I know that I would like to believe you two young adults loved each other. I don’t know how anything else could be the case, as Minnow has so much love in him. He is a happy and smart little boy who is going to make a great impact on the world. I just wanted to thank you for the gift that is our son. We will do our best to raise him to be a great man. He is already on his way and much of that we owe to you. Thank you for the part you played. We will help our son remember you and maybe one day we will be blessed enough to learn more about you.

Thank you,

Minnow’s mom and dad.

Waiting to Wait…

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

We are currently in Adoption limbo. We are waiting for our dossier to be sent over to Ethiopia. So, we have done everything we can possibly do for our adoption, now we are waiting to be waiting. I don’t like this stage. The only thing our dossier is lacking at this point are the authenticated documents–dossier cover page and power of attorney. It has been 3 weeks today since those documents were mailed to DC. I am really hoping the dossier goes next week. Last time, we didn’t have much of a wait for our dossier as I did the authentications way early. This year I didn’t as I knew our homestudy would take a while. So, I have no one to blame for this waiting except myself. And boy am I wishing I had gotten off my ass sooner to take care of that, because then I would be waiting instead of waiting to wait.

On another note, I have begun to realize that so often my little minnow is the only child of color at so many places that we go. Which really saddens me as I live in a city that has just as many blacks (I don’t like this word really–but I don’t think African American is a correct moniker either) as it does whites…(I guess I could say browns and pinks…anyway). Yet, I have truly come to understand that our city is truly segregated. There are places where you don’t see this segregation, but that is not in places where kids are generally taken. We walk to playgrounds that are around our hose and 9 out of 10 times Minnow is the only child of color. Yesterday we met my mom’s group at a pool for toddler swim time, and Minnow again was the only child of color. No one treats him different and I think it is great exposure for the vast sea of white kids, but I wish there were more children of color that were out and about.

I realize that it is a luxury to be a stay at home parent and that it has become increasingly rare. I try to take Minnow to places where there is a mix of people and if we are at the zoo or other places in the city there is more diversity, but I long to have it everywhere. When we were at Disney, Minnow was the only child of color at the pool for the first 3 days we were there. On the last day there was and English family of color there. Minnow played for a long time with their daughter–who was about 4 or 5. But she was really drawn to Minnow and I have to believe it was because he was the same color as her. I know that Minnow doesn’t really understand and see color at this time, but eventually he will and he will want to know people who look like him. I just want him to be able to get that at a wide variety of places. I know it is wishful thinking when you live in a city that has such a history of segregation and racism. I have to think that skin color is not enough to unite when so much else is different–there is much more to say about this…

I will have to think about this and write more later, as my thoughts are getting all jumbled–I need more coffee.

Do you know who is paying for your doctors education????

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

All doctors must take continuing education classes each year to keep their license. This is much like the teaching profession. There was an op ed piece in the NY Times today talking about the link between the classes doctors take and who pays for them. Let me start by talking about how these classes work–as they are very very similar to the way this works in education. Many entities offer “courses” that offer continuing education opportunities. This includes university classes, seminars, workshops, etc. As in education, professionals sometimes deliver these courses, but many of the times it is not actually trained educators who write the course and decide what is “taught/delivered.” In education, this is not necessarily detrimental. As teachers, we control what happens in our classroom, but we are not responsible for the entire district and no one’s life is at risk–so to speak.

I was enraged to find out that more often than not the continuing education that doctors received is funded and written by the pharmaceutical companies. The courses are taught/delivered by actual doctors, but they are presenting from a script. They are often not presenting their own personal research and experience. One pharmaceutical company actually had a Stanford researcher released for presenting information that said their drug might possibly be linked with heart disease/conditions. This happened even though pharmaceutical companies are not allowed by federal law to provide continuing education for doctors–since the 1990’s. They, of course, have found a way around this. The pharmaceutical companies financially support accredited continuing education companies with the understanding that their drugs will be touted instead of other drugs that might be better, but that come from smaller companies who do not have a lot of money for advertising and pocket lining.

Another disturbing trend is that some of the research the is presented in medical journals that deals with new drugs, etc are not written by the doctors who are listed as authors. The same companies that take money from the pharmaceutical companies for promoting their drugs in continuing education classes pay their doctors not only to read the script for the continuing ed offerings also agree to have their names listed as authors on pieces that submitted to medical journals an written by ghostwriters–who come from where? Yes, the pharmaceutical companies.

What a tangled web. What a sad state our health care system is in. When did we decide that our health had a price attached to it and that a for profit health care system was beneficial to anyone–except of course the politicians who get their pockets lined and for the actual company who is making the profit? It sickens me that this is what happens. I am saddened that we have allowed people to lose their lives and their loved ones because our system does not care about you if you don’t have the money to access it? I do not think that our founding fathers thought that the whole “freedom for all” meant freedom to make as much money as we want regardless of how that affects the people our country was founded for.

So, where do we go from here? How do we take the money out of health care? How do we provide for everyone? I wish I had the answers but I don’t. If only I did. I think it is important to look at other western countries and see how their health care systems work. And please politicians and pharmaceutical companies, don’t tell me that we can’t provide health care for all, because we could pay for it for years for what we spend in Iraq in one year and we have been their 5.

It is sad that we as a country care more about making money rather than taking care of all of our citizens. Does this sound like the “greatest” country in the world?