Recently there seems to have been an increase in school violence. In recent weeks there have been some horrific events–many perpetrated by adults. It is sad. I live in Missouri–where 90% of the state is most likely a member of the NRA. Okay maybe not everyone in that 90% but a true majority. Yesterday in Joplin, MO there was a middle school student who brought an AK-47 to school and threaten two students by saying “Don’t make me do this.” He then fired a shot into the ceiling, the gun jammed and a real violent crisis was averted. Our esteemed governor hear in Missouri actually said that the educational community Might. Consider. Giving. Teachers. Guns. Now, as a teacher I am appalled at this idea. I know of teachers who have hit students, choked students, and used other forms of physical threats with students (these are high school students). What do you think might happen if all of a sudden these violent teachers had a gun? I don’t think anyone needs me to paint that picture. Also, students steal stuff all the time. I know teachers who have had purses, wallets, cellphones, etc. stolen. What happens when we put guns in the classroom? I certainly would be more scared of teachers with guns than students with guns. I don’t know about you.

Seriously lets look at the real problem. The violence is not the problem. The real problem is what is causing the violence. You cannot stop the violence until you can pinpoint and treat the cause of the violence. I could write on this for days. The world has changed. More parents are absent from their kids lives. More parents are allowing peers and the media to raise their children and decide what values their child should have. The problems are so deep that you can’t fix the problem if you are treating the symptoms. Violence is a symptom of a deeper disease. Cure the disease the symptoms go away. I know that I am over simplifying that, but those who run our country and our states don’t understand that, so I thought I would reduce it to the lowest intellectual level for them.

Second stupid thing today–already. I was watching the Today show–I hate that show–but it was on right after our local news and I caught the story intros. So here it is (not exactly word for word) “CEO’s have a lot in common, big houses, fancy cars, and many other things. But something else many of them have in common is that they were spanked as kids. So does this mean if you want to raise a CEO you should use spanking.”

I mean seriously. I about choked on my coffee. I couldn’t believe that this was how they chose to introduce a story that leaders tend to come from families that are highly disciplined. Come on. I am so tired of the sensationalist media. People are running scared that their kids might be snatched off the street–even though only 115 kids are kidnapped a year (most by family). I don’t know even know what to say to this CEO spanking thing. I am appalled that a national news show would show so little regard for the content of its show.

Well, I am a firm believer that we as parents have to take our children back. It is our job as parents to tell our kids the truth and show them reality. We must tell them the truth way before they will be forced to figure it out for themselves. So much more to say, but my baby boy is calling (crying).

What are some stupid things you have heard in the past few days, please share. I might start stupid idea/thing Tuesday. We all know there is more stupid stuff out there than not.

of people telling me that now that we have Minnow it will be no time before we are pregnant. As if it was that easy. This irritates me on so many levels. It makes me think that the 5 years of trying–all the different fertility treatments, all the drugs that have been pumped into my system–didn’t really count. I am so sick of people who take pregnancy for granted. I am happy for those who don’t have fertility problems and really never had to deal with them. But don’t you dare tell me how easy it is to get pregnant and now that the stress if off it will happen. No if won’t. Please try to understand that there are issues that you might not understand or know about since you didn’t have a problem getting pregnant. I am losing my ability to be kind to these people. Why can they not accept the fact that we know why we are infertile. We know the cause–at least the main cause. I have PCOS and because of that I don’t ovulate on my own. It just doesn’t happen. I barely grow big enough follicles on max does of clomid/repronex/ and gonal-f. I mean seriously, adopting one child isn’t going to make my PCOS go away and all of my hormones work the way they should. People refuse to accept that sometimes a woman just can’t get pregnant. We, well I face the fact that my eggs–when I do ovulate with the above drug protocol–may not be very good quality. I am at my wits end when it comes to people telling me, “I bet in 6 months you’ll be pregnant.” Well step on up. I will take that bet and I will win because I have a frickin’ medical condition.

The above medical reason is one of the reasons that I really want to lose the weight. It will not make the PCOS go away but it will help me be more responsive to the drug therapy that is used when trying to get pregnant. Losing weight will help me control a little more the hormonal imbalances that PCOS causes. But because of the PCOS it is harder to lose weight. As PCOS causes excess estrogen which is stored where??? Anyone??? Fat cells. So, my body is reluctant to give up the fat cells making me have to work a hell of a lot harder to lose weight. So, to all of you out there who may know someone having a hard time getting pregnant. Please don’t tell them it will happen, it only takes time, you just need to relax. Those might be great consulations to someone who had only been trying for 3 months. But for those of us who have been trying for years–chances are we having something medically wrong with us and it isn’t that easy. And to hear the above things really minimizes the true struggle we are going through. If you haven’t dealt with infertility you have no idea how it errodes you own feelings about being a woman and having the ability to do what you can to sustain the species. It also errodes your confidence about being able to provide your husband/partner with a genetic/biological child. It is really the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with. So next time you hear someone discuss their fertility troubles if you can’t say anything but on of the above now forbidden things–say nothing at all. Give her a hug if you know her well and maybe even if you don’t.

Minnow went today for his 6mos portraits and a few snaps in his halloween costume. He’s so cute.

Thanks to Chookooloonks and many others. I thought I would join in on Love Thursday. There is just not enough love in the world. So, I thought I would share some of the love that happens in this house daily.

Minnow loves his daddy and his daddy loves him. Love is an awesome thing. Spread it around. It’s the on thing that done to excess will not kill you.

I have been doing a lot of thinking that has led me to be a little harder on myself than I should be. Before our adoption process came to an end, I was on a long journey of self-improvement. Mostly physical self-improvement. I was working very hard at losing the 90+ pounds I had gained since meeting my husband. I was on a roll. I had lost nearly 60 of it and had the end in sight. The end of this month marks the one year ago mark that I started this journey and sadly I am not where I thought I would be. As the adoption process moved on and as I was moving along in my weight loss, I reached a point where I felt that I no longer needed to work at it. It was easy to lose the weight and it just kept coming off. I allowed myself to start indulging in foods that were/are clearly not good for me. I allowed more desserts, etc. I am not sure why I relented. Am I afraid that I really cannot do it, so I give up and say I tried but I just can’t do it.

Now with the little one here it has been hard for me to recommit to the gym and eating healthy. Not because there isn’t time. I have plenty of time. I have a list of excuses longer than my agencies waiting list, and I know they are all just shitty reasons for protecting myself from failure. I don’t know what I will do if I can’t do it. I don’t know how I will handle it. I don’t think I would be okay with trying and failing. But it you aren’t trying you can’t fail and yes I know you can’t be successful either and therein lies the rub. I want nothing more than to feel good about myself and I don’t. Not because I am not society’s image of beautiful but because I am not doing all I can to be the best person I can be both mentally and physically. I don’t feel good and I know it is because I am not working out. I relish the time I spend at the gym getting in shape. I love being in shape. I love seeing and feeling my muscles work and I like knowing that each time I do it I am extending my life a little bit. So why is it still so hard to force myself to get my ass off the couch in the car and too the gym?

I want to do it for me. I know that is half the battle. I guess I just need to make it okay if I fail or make it okay if it takes me a little longer to meet my goal. My original goal date was Dec 1. I am now pushing it back until April 1–our 7 month anniversary. I know it is what I want. I just have to fight the self sabotage and move on with it. Easier said then done, I know.

On to happier notes. Our first post-placement visit was extremely great and totally painless. we have a new social worker and I was nervous about that, but it was easy. She asked about Minnow and how he’s doing etc. I thought for sure she would want to see his room and check our child-proofing. But this was just about our family and how the little man was doing and how we were doing. It was great. I’m glad that I no longer need to worry about that. If only everything in life were that easy….