The Art of The Third Person

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

Zoë has taken to referring to herself in the third person.  “Zo Zo wants a drink.”  “Zo Zo went potty.”  “Zo Zo had a good day.”  And the list of third person reference goes on and on.  The first time she did it, I did a double take.  It certainly surprised me.  When I asked her why she was saying “Zo Zo” instead of “I”, she simply replied “because I like to.”

Well, okay then.  I now have a child who talks about them self in 3rd person.  Brings me back to that Seinfeld Episode with Jimmy.  I can at least say it is slightly cuter on a 3-year-old than it is on a grown man.  I can’t imagine where this quirky habit has come from, but it’s been about a week now and has so far stuck.  It is never I and only “Zo Zo.”

I laugh a little inside every time she says it.  Noah looks at her like she’s a little off her rocker; but for now, we are just going with it because she is just so cute.   The “Zo Zo”

What Work/Life Balance, Not Allowed?

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

This op-ed in the NY Times caused quite a bit of stir last week.  I was surprised to not read/hear more about it in my own internet circles, but I didn’t.  Part of that might be that I work in Academia and work is already pretty flexible–much more so than for those in traditional occupations.  Several mothers I know are doctors and many of them work part-time while their children are young.  I was listening to yesterday’s Tell Me More on NPR and there was a segment with the doctor who wrote the article and other medial mothers.  One of the things that shocked me, even in this glorified SAHM vs Working mom argument that has grown tiresome, was that it appears that it is no longer okay for women (or men) to make the decision that works for their family.

This quote from Siebert, the op-ed author rubbed me the wrong way:

The current discussion really is, you take women in that 35 to 44-year-old age group who ought to really be shooting for the moon in terms of what they want to do with their lives as physicians and that’s the highest group that are part-time. Men that are working part-time tend to do it as – again, a broad generalization – later in their careers, perhaps when they have health problems or are cutting back. But in those prime years, when you should be doing the work that you love to do and you want to do for the rest of your life, that’s where we’re seeing the predominance of women.

I don’t like the implication or assumption that at a certain age we should be dedicating our entire life to our career as though it is our only chance.  There isn’t just one path.  Hell I am going to be 40 and I am still in school and have only been working full-time for 8 months after taking time off to raise my kids.  I also took a job that is like part-time because it is flexible and allows me to work and still be able to take and pick my kids up from camp, go on field trips, work from home if the kids are sick.

Our world is changing and our expectations should be of others as well.  Just because a women can work doesn’t mean she has to sacrifice family life for work life.  We have expected for too long that work should come first and that everything else should come second.  I don’t agree with that.  I agree we should all have the choice, but that we can’t and shouldn’t fault women or men for making choices that we don’t or wouldn’t.  Many women work part-time while their kids are young–if they are able too and don’t get me started on how we should make that more women and men can have the work/life balance they want and their families need–and then they return to work full-time when their children are older and they can devote more time to their chosen profession.

Why do we spend our energy blaming women for the choices they make.  Shouldn’t we all be supporting each other and our choices?

New York, Thanks For An Amazing First Time

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

I’m still on a bit of a high from my trip to New York.  It could be from the residual sugar in my system after a Sunday morning trip to the Doughnut Plant and the amazing Coconut Glazed/Coconut Cream doughnut I ate inhaled.  And let me just add that lavendar + doughnut is also heavenly.

I went into my trip to New York about as excited as a longshoreman in Amsterdam’s red light district.  I could barely contain myself.  I have longed to go to NYC and experience it and its crazy glory.  It did not disappoint me.

I was only in NYC for 3 days really and I managed to see I huge amount of the city.  Let me tell you–I totally did not pack the right shoes for all the walking I did and my feet are still a little angry with me for that.

Highlights:

  1. Top of the Empire State Bldg–when in the city you forget how massive Manhattan is until you are able to see it all around you.
  2. Times Square–I don’t necessarily ever need to go there again, but it is insane and a must see.
  3. Magnolia Bakery–I had their lemon cupcake and it was to die for and not huge.  The smell when you walk in knocks you down it’s so awesome
  4. Doughnut Plant–AMAZING
  5. Street food–I know everyone complains that NYC is so expensive, but I was able to get an amazing falafel and a coke for $5 on the street and then followed it up with a Mr. Softee cone for $3.  Not bad for lunch.
  6. Grand Central Station–I never saw it from the outside, but the inside is gorgeous.
  7. Battery Park–only because I saw Will Smith shooting MIB 3.
  8. The Naked Cowgirl–I mean come on, that woman has some conjones or a screw loose–jury is still out on that
  9. Rockefeller Center–while a bit anti-climatic, it was cool to see.
  10. Subways–this was such an easy city to get around (thanks to my subway app) and you get to see quite a diverse collection of people
  11. Walking–I know this sounds crazy, but I loved being able to walk almost anywhere.  I miss that living in STL.  I have to drive most places and I miss the culture of walking everywhere.
  12. Butter Bean salad w/arugula and lemon vinaigrette at Snack in Soho

So, not an amazing list.  I didn’t eat at any A list restaurants, but that’s okay.  I have eaten at plenty of those in my life.  But it’s the brief highlight from my time in Manhattan.  Didn’t make it to the Brooklyn Bridge, but I’ll do that next time.  It was also great to get to see my cousin-in-law and her new husband and get to spend time with New Yorkers.  I have to say, I do love the upper west side.  It was a great trip–my conference was good and presenting went well, but seeing the city was amazing and awesome.

New York, I will see you again soon.

 

 

Honesty Is Cute On A 5-Year-Old

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

I was gone for 4 days in NYC on business.  I missed my kiddos and they missed me.  It was so cute when we skyped (when did that become a verb?) on Saturday morning and Noah wanted a hug.  Oh how I love him and his sister.

I got home last night and of course the kids were still up and I gave them hugs and all the goodies I brought home (some lego figures I made at the lego store and different shades of their favorite colors in m&m’s.

This morning Noah and I were sitting on the couch and he was playing with his new lego figures (the clown and viking are the early favorites) and we had the following conversation:

“Mom, I’m so happy you’re home.  Thank you for these legos.”

“Would you still be happy if I didn’t bring you legos?”

“Yeah.  But not as happy as I am now.”

He’s too cute for his own good.  And of course I had to ask the silly question.

New York was great.  I’ll do a top 10 list from my visit tomorrow–right now all I can think about is how my feet still hurt from all the walking.

A Father

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

Today we celebrate fathers. I have a great dad and he is so much of the reason that I am who I am today. As I watch Noah and Zoë with their dad, my amazing husband, I know they are as lucky as I am to have a great dad. A Father’s influence is powerful.

Then I thin of their Ethiopian fathers. In adoption we talk about birthmother’s all the time and more often then not forget about birthfathers. I think much of that is due to the assumption that this men who helped make these children ate somehow uninvolved, uncaring, or unimportant. The birthmother carries the child, etc. In the case of adoption, we assume a lot about birthfathers.

Today I celebrate the amazing men who helped create the children that I am lucky enough to parent. I don’t know the stories of these men, but I choose to believe they were men who created these children were loving and caring and whose circumstances didn’t allow them to be able to parent together with the birthmothers.

I hope they know in their hearts how amazing their children are and how much we love them.

Today is a day for all fathers.