Family vacations are fun right?  Well they should be and they should be about all members of the family.  We happen to be the only members of my immediate family who have kids and who will ever have kids–neither of my brother will have kids–it’s just a fact.  And if you don’t have kids or haven’t had kid in a while (say like 30+) years you can’t get what it’s like to travel with kids.

My mom, for the past three years has taken us on a family vacation.  The first year–house in St. Maarten–absolute debacle.  Kids upset and crying almost the whole time, long car rides to dinner–a lot of separate time.  It’s really two separate vacations–the one for those with kids and the ones without.  Second year, Cruise–key west, Cozumel.  Cool, but kids didn’t get off the boat because there was nothing for kids to do off the boat (they were 3 and 1).  Still a little sucky, but less.  Kids stayed on the boat while we did a few adult together things.  Third year, Cruise–grand cayman, half moon cay, Nassau.  Better, kids did camp a couple times and made a few friends.  Two ports were good with kids–swimming pool and beach, but still–it was us with kids and those without kids–always separate.  ALWAYS.

Bill and I after a lot of talking, decided we weren’t going to go this year or possibly the next few years.  We won’t go on a cruise again–we don’t like cruises.  While these vacations are “free”, they cost too much money for something we don’t really want to do and don’t really have any fun on.  No one consults us for shore excursions–well my mom did when we were in Grand Cayman–but no one else does.  No one sits and hangs out with us.  They play with the kids for a few minutes and then are bored with that and go do their own thing.  Which I get, but then don’t be all pissy when we say we don’t want to go.  Don’t get all mad when we say we don’t like cruises and don’t want to do another one.  The kids are often miserable–they want to swim, but the pools are salt water, small and crowded.  They want to play with their uncles–they are reading, laying in the sun (not something a 4 or 3 year old wants to do) or doing something grown-up like gambling in the casino. So the kids get their feelings hurt because their uncles really don’t want to spend time with them unless they are forced to at dinner or there is nothing else going on.

I’m not faulting them.  Not having kids is a luxury and having them is work.  A LOT of work.  Vacationing with children who aren’t your own (and sometimes with your own) isn’t all that fun.  Just because we all go together and have balconies that open up together doesn’t mean that we are vacationing together.  When half of the group does exactly what they want and the other half does only what they can manage with little ones–it isn’t a vacation.

Part of the problem is that my brothers are selfish.  I love them, but they are selfish.  They do what they want to do.  My brother who lives in town, doesn’t go out of his way to come and visit my kids and neither does my mom.  They don’t relate to the kids and they really aren’t that involved in their lives, in any real way.  They show little interest in my kids and our family.  I just don’t feel part of the family sometimes.  I’m the outsider.  I’m the one who can’t afford fancy vacations (we have kids in private school.  We lived on one income for 3+ years).  I’m the messy one, who doesn’t have time to keep my house spotless–partly because of kids and partly because that is just who I am.

I think that is my problem/issue.  I’m not accepted in my family (with my brothers or mom) for who I am. I’m often ridiculed and talked about for who I am, messy, bad money manager, in school.  My brother refused for weeks to come to my house for christmas morning because I’m not a good enough housekeeper and he wants to have it his way.  My other brother once said he’d only watch my kids if my house was clean.

Wow, who knew I had all of this pent up in me.  I am an outsider in my own family and they judge me and my husband unabashedly.  As though they are perfect.  I’m done trying to please them and I’m…just done.  I love my brothers, but I’m not really all that sure how much I like them or how much they like me.  This sucks.