There are so many things that get omitted from the parenting brochure.  I’m sure those omission are unintentional (or there just isn’t enough space to put all the crappy stuff so they don’t include any–just to be fair).  I don’t know if I wrote about this last year–I thought I did but I can’t find it anywhere.  There were a few instances last year at school with one student around–how do I say this–curiosity.  That’s a simple way of putting it.  A couple of those instances also involved Noah.  We talked a great deal with Noah about those issues and what is appropriate behavior and what isn’t.  Not that this important (to me it is), but the curiosity was not initiated by Noah–Yeah I’m a bad parent but I do take some comfort in knowing that it wasn’t my kid’s idea.

I thought we had moved past this, but yesterday I get pulled aside at pick-up and told about another event.  I was angry, hurt, sad, and so confused.  I know that it is natural to be curious.  I am less worried about the being curious than I am my son’s behavior of not telling his friends no.  This has been a bit of an issue for Noah.  He has these great social skills and is very kind, helpful and friendly.  The problem is that he is a bit of a follower.  By follower I mean that he thinks it isn’t being a good friend if he doesn’t do what another friend wants to–fight, say something mean, be slightly inappropriate.  This worries me that he isn’t to the place where is will stand up and make the decision for himself.  He tells us everything and I don’t want that to change, so we don’t get angry at him or punish him in any significant way when he is honest with us.  I don’t want him to think he can’t tell us.  That openness is more important to me than punishing him.

He’ll tell us that he did something and I’ll say you didn’t have to do that and he’ll say “yeah, X said to.”  I’ll say that you are your own boss and you don’t have to and he’ll reply, “but he’s my friend.”  I am scared, because if he is this easily influenced now, what happens when X wants to steal a car or rob a bank or something way worse?

I am working with his teachers and have requested that they encourage Noah to make better friend choices and that they also reinforce that being a good friend doesn’t mean doing anything a friend suggests.  It is hard because we tell him to do what his friends want in some ways–I know he is getting mixed messages and doesn’t quite know how to process them all–when he talked about how S was mad at him because he wanted to play superheroes and she wanted to play picnic and I told him that sometimes you should play what S wants to because that is what friends do.  Then I tell him it isn’t what friends do.

I take some small solace in his knowing what he did was wrong and that he shouldn’t do it.  I just don’t know.  I don’t want him playing with this boy anymore.  This boy was a child I had hoped wouldn’t be returning to school.  I am worried for my son and I feel so helpless.

On a brighter note.  Zoë is absolutely hysterical.  We went for a walk around the block–Noah rode his bike and Zoë pushed her stroller.  She was running on the side walk pushing the stroller (because she still very rarely actually walks) and asked if she could run in the grass, I said sure–run where ever.  She starts to run in the grass.  Stops and declares, “This is too grassery for running.”  It was just the laugh I needed.  So, in case you needed to know–grass is too grassery for running while pushing a stroller.