Role Reversal Of Sorts

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

I don’t give my hubby enough credit for all the things he does.  I should–as he does a lot of the family work these days.  Two-three days a week I leave for work usually before the kids get up.  Hubs gets them up, fed, dressed and out the door to school and daycare on time–all the while getting himself ready for work.  Two nights a week he has to be home early for me to leave and he then prepares dinner for himself and the kiddos.  On the weekend, I leave on Saturday before everyone is up–or as they are getting up and I am out to work out and home after he has fed them breakfast and entertained them with some activity.  Then I usually am gone for a 4 hour stretch on either Sat or Sun to do school work and he entertains and occupies them so I can study.

As I write all of this, no wonder it feels to  him like I’m never home and often when I am home, I am so exhausted from all of the jobs, etc., that I am not much help.  I always knew he would be an amazing husband and an amazing dad–but he has surpassed all of those expectations as he really excels at domesticity (he doesn’t read here) and I can take care of what I need to knowing that he has picked up the jobs I am just too busy to do.  These are all things I did, before I went back to work full-time-ish.  It is nice to have a partner in the truest sense of the word.  I couldn’t do what I am doing without him.  Thanks baby.  I do promise to finish school and get a “real” full-time paying job so that you can someday follow your dream.  Thank you for letting me follow mine.

And Out Of Nowhere It Hits

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

Adoption is part of our life.  A huge part and talking about it is also part of our life.  I have been too busy to pay much attention to what is going on in Haiti.  I am not oblivious but without radio/npr in my car, I don’t get much news in my life–as well life it just busy.  Yesterday, I was driving to teach in the am and was listening to NPR–I have a loaner car while mines getting body work done–oh how I miss NPR each day.  So, I was listening to NPR and they were talking about the devastation in Haiti and about mothers giving up or trying to give up their children before and after the earthquake.  This is not a new phenomena to me–I understand that isn’t the right word–I can’t even begin to understand the desperation these women and families feel in these developing/impoverished countries feel and experience.

They were talking about the surge in women attempting to give their children away for adoption in the aftermath of the earthquake as most people houses and jobs have been destroyed and lost.  How completely bleak it much feel when you see no tangible way to provide food, clothes, shelter for your children.  They had a Haitian woman’s sound byte about her attempts to give up her four children because she sees no way to feed them or take care of them.  At this point, I lost it and the tears came out in a flood.  I had to pull over in a parking lot.  It saddened me so much that these people are living in such a state of utter destruction that they cannot see how they can keep their own children.  It really hit home, as I can infer that this is how my kids birthmoms must have felt.  It saddens me to think that any parent give up their child when they are healthy simply because they feel they cannot provide for them.  It is overwhelming and reminds me of the other side of adoption.  The one we rarely talk about–it is a blessing for me as an infertile–but for those who surrender their children based on a feeling of desperation, it must leave a whole in their heart and soul that can never be filled.

As grateful as I am, I am also sad.  My thoughts are with all of the mothers who have sacrificed their parenthood to “give” their children a better life.  I hope to make you proud.

When Words Fail To Come

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

I have had this window open for over an hour and I just don’t know exactly what to write.  Things are crazy at Che Finley, as the new semester has started and is underway.  School is good and things are progressing.  I am so ready to be done, but can’t think about that now as I work on a research project that will hopefully get me published.  Already the mantra “publish or perish” is now a common part of my lexicon and I’m not even finished with my PhD yet.  What a live I have chosen.  Sorry hubby, school will always be apart of my life.

So, in lieu of anything profound or even remotely interesting–here are some pics of the kids.  Who really make it all worth wild.

The Curse Of Popularity

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

Certainly not my popularity.  No, Noah is the cursed one.  He is by far one of the most sought after kids in his class to play with/be with.  Please do not mistake this for parental bragging.  Being popular can be very isolating.  As some of the kids are forming these bonds with one or two kids–Noah has a host of kids who want to play with him all the time.  He is being pulled in many directions and he doesn’t seem to get to really spend time with a core friend or two.

His one teacher today talked with me a bit about how she often sees Noah being pulled in several directions and wondered if I had noticed him being stressed out or anxious at home.  I told her not really, but that there was an issue and that Noah didn’t seem to understand why he couldn’t be everyone’s friend.  OMG–already cliques in pre-school.  He has a three different kids who want to play with him often–they are three kids who don’t play together and often as soon as Noah walks in  he is smothered by all three.  The kids all want to be his friend a don’t quite understand that he is everyone’s friend and that because he plays with one doesn’t mean he doesn’t like the other.

“Mom, B says S isn’t my friend.”

“Is that true?”

“No, S said we have to keep it a secret so B doesn’t know”

“You can be everyone’s friend”

“I know by B gets mad when I say I am S’s friend”

How I wish the world was easier for my little man.  Noah negotiates these issues well and splits his time.  I can’t believe I just wrote that my son is splitting his time amongst other 3/4-year-olds.  His teacher assures me that they are keeping an eye on the situation and step in to help when they need to.  Is it sad to wish my son was the shy one and not the one everyone wants to be with.

I don’t know what I’ll do when Zoë starts school.  They both can’t be popular can they?

A Tale Of Two Bullies And Growth

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

Who thought with a kid in private pre-school, I’d have to be dealing with bullies.  But in these tough economic times, Noah’s class has two.  Dad wants him to tell the bullies “no” when they hit/kick him and if they continue then he should hit them back.  I am not a fan of this and Noah even said to his dad, “But my teachers might see me.”  Clearly he understands that hitting/kicking someone is wrong. Because there are two teachers and 18-20 students, the teachers can’t see everything that happens.  And as the boys play rough much of the time, can you really tell from a distance or glance if they are engaging in consensual play or one is being mistreated.

Hubby is surprised I am not more concerned.  I don’t want my son to get hurt and bullied by some kid.  I’ll do what I need to to protect my child.  But those of us who have kids know that our kids don’t tell us anything.  Noah might tell me three days later that S or B hit him and it hurt.  I had a long talk with Noah today about how to handle it when kids are mean to him and try to hurt him–whether kicking, hitting, or pushing.  I told him to yell “No, Don’t hurt me.”  Thinking this will get one of the teachers attention and Noah doesn’t have to resort to the “eye for an eye” mentality.  He is too young to be learning that hitting back is sometimes necessary.  I don’t want him to learn that.  I want him to learn to walk away and not give the bully what he wants/needs.

So, here we are at a bit of an impasse.  Re-enrollment is coming up and I have every intention of re-enrolling Noah, but I know there are a couple of families that are considering not re-enrolling because their kids are being picked on repeatedly.  Noah is pretty outgoing and he’ll go and play with a few of the girls if the boys are playing in a way he doesn’t want to play.  He is starting to learn and I hear him tell B that he doesn’t want to play like that and isn’t going to play with him.  I like that he is figuring this out for himself.  But, I might be a little more apt to react if he was showing signs of distress and anxiousness.

Have your kids had to deal with bullies?  How is it handled at your kids school?  How have you handled it?