Operation Bikini in Hawaii–Week 1 Recap

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

Well, I am a couple pounds closer to wearing a bikini in Hawaii on May 20th.  It was a pretty good food week.  I worked out 5 days this week and overall, did well with food.  My big victory–if one could call it that–was my meal at The Cheesecake Factory on Tuesday.  I ate good all day and made sure that I had a good amount of calories left for dinner.  I use the Lose It app for iPhone to track my calories and exercise.  I ordered the Vegetable Salad.  Who knew they even had such a thing–it weighs in at just under 300 calories w/out the cheese and w/ the dressing on the side.  That saved me lots of calories for wine and a few bites of cheesecake.

Not only can I share my victories, but I need to share my shame as well.  Yesterday, I managed to eat 5–yes you read that right–5 skinny cow ice cream bars.  I just couldn’t stop once I got started.  I am starting to get stressed out about the upcoming semester and how little I have done to prepare.  I have a huge research project I am starting and I am beginning to feel overwhelmed.  This is why I ate and couldn’t stop myself.  When I feel out of control, I have noticed that I lost control over the smallest aspects of my life–this means what I eat.  On that note–the truffle bars by Skinny Cow are really really good.

The Second Playdate And Classroom Politics

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

Last week, both Noah and I had the playdate rite of passage.  I certainly had more anxiety about it than Noah–who just wanted to get together and play with his friends.  A little background on playdate #2.  I love Noah’s school and all the parents are really nice. There is a pretty equal amount of girls and boys in the class and there is a real sense of community.  That said–there are two maybe three students boys in the class that most parents consider to be troublesome–especially the parents of the other boys in class.   These boys are physical and rough and impulsive and at times aggressive and mean.  Parents have had meetings with the teachers and phone calls about what these boys have done, etc.

There were days during the first few weeks of school that Noah didn’t want one of the boys–the biggest bully–to come to school anymore.  It got so bad for Noah that one day Noah bit the boy because he was being mean to him the in the bathroom and not letting him have a turn.  Noah hasn’t had an incident with this boy since then–they seem to get along fine and on some level that worries me and I keep a very close eye on Noah’s behavior to make sure he is not becoming aggressive himself.

One of the other boys is less mean and more impulsive and immature.  He was originally in the 4/5-year-old classroom but was moved to the 3/4 because he just wasn’t mature enough to be in that classroom.  Noah likes this boy as he is imaginative like Noah is and likes to play superheroes.  So, B’s mom called and said her son wanted to have Noah over for a playdate.  I couldn’t say no.  I wanted to, but I thought that all kids deserve friends and that the only way kids who are not socially mature can get that way is to have opportunities to be social.

We arrived and I was nervous.  But B’s mom is awesome and nice.  The playdate was interesting and Noah had fun despite B’s inability to actually engage in real play–there was a lot of side-by-side play and it was so very different than our playdate the day before.  I am happy that we went and it was good for me to see B outside of the classroom environment to see that he really isn’t a bully as much as he is immature and impulsive.  But it amazes me the dividing line that is caused by behaviors of children.

I am too knew to this whole kid in school thing any my son is too young for me to yet be worrying about who his friends are.  He’s only 3.  Has his behavior changed a little bit since school started?  Sure–he’s more verbal (who ever thought that was possible), he can write his name and several others, he can read many letter and now knows some words on site.  Is he a little more physical?  Yes.  Does he talk about things/his toys being dead?  Sure.  But, I don’t know that all of this is bad.  They are opportunities for us to talk about what he is learning and what things mean.

Peer influence isn’t going to ever go away and while I can monitor the peers he’s around outside of school, I certainly can’t while he is in school and I don’t think I want to.  It is important for him to be able to experience all types of situations and to learn–both right and wrong from them.  This is where my job as a parent is uber-important.  I don’t want to control every interaction he has.  Why would anyone?  (Sorry, not trying to sound judgmental–genuinely curious).

I know his school is safe and I know that the world is full of bullies and that he is going to run into them periodically.  Better he learn to deal with them young rather than trying to bite one when he’s in his 20’s.

Out With The Old

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

Good-by 2009.  It has been one of the busiest years of my life and I am sure that they will only get busier as my kids get older and I get more and more involved in the world of academia–researching, publishing, conferencing.  It has been a good year and I look back on it mostly with fondness and warm and fuzzies in my heart.

Here’s a recap of my year

January:  My first semester of supervising student teachers and interns.  Started our search for Noah’s preschool and again took Noah to see Sesame Street live–he made it through the whole performance this year.  Resumed teaching at the community college.

February:  Noah visited the dentist again and we took Noah to see Disney Live while Zoë stayed with the grandparents. I started my job search for a high school teaching job

March: Noah turned 3.  We went on our first family vacation to Disney World and got talked into buying into the Hilton’s Vacation Club.   Met Mickey and Minnie mouse plus a host of other characters.  Noah started soccer.

April:  Celebrated my 9th wedding anniversary.  Started training with my personal trainer.  Went to jazzfest in New Orleans.  Had an interview for my graduate assistantship.  Enrolled Noah in The College School.

May:  Accepted the graduate assistantship.  My cousin got married and the kids and I took the train to Chicago to see my brother.  Celebrated the end of the semester as a student, a teacher and a supervisor. Searched for daycare for kids for summer.  Lost 5lbs.  Noah got a big boy twin bed.

June:  Started my assistantship.  Kids started daycare and loved it.  Agreed to teach a class at the community college.  Lost 4lbs more.  Went to Chicago sans Zoë to run/walk a 5k with my dad on father’s day. Celebrated our first Zoëversary.

July:  Bill’s birthday.  Went to New Hampshire with the kids to see Bill’s brother and his family.  Lost 6lbs more.

August:  Noah started school.  Zoë had her first dentist appt and Noah had his first cavity.  Celebrated our 3rd Noahversary.  I started back to school as a teacher, student, supervisor and a charter school liaison.

September: Went on a vacation with my mom, brothers and family–cruise out of Miami to Key West and Cozumel.  Noah started soccer again.  Went to see Toby Keith. Weight lost total–27lbs

October:  I traveled to Columbia, MO and Salt Lake City for conferences.  I shoot my first and last wedding (way too much work).  Bill, Noah and Zoë got the swine flu–I didn’t get sick at all.  Had my first parent teacher conference at Noah’s school.

November:  Zoë turned 2.  Traveled to Philly for a conference at the same time that Bill had to be out of town for a full week for work.  Worked my first school book fair as a volunteer and served as a parent ambassador at Noah’s schools open house.  Spent a great deal of time studying statistics.  Zoë stopped sleeping in crib and started sleeping with Noah.

December:  Celebrated the end of the semester from hell.  Was gone three nights a week at my  own classes, taught 3 classes during the day, supervised 6 student teachers/teaching interns, worked a 20hr a week assistantship.  Went to Chicago for another conference.  Had a great Christmas.  Noah’s class performed at his school’s art share–they sang “Puff the Magic Dragon” and I cried–just a little.  Gained back 9 lbs of the 27 I had lost (not just in december but still).

Overall, as you can see it was a super busy year.  Not much too exciting–but super busy.  I plan to get back on the weight loss wagon.  Today I am:  Dawn 0 and Food 6–I have eaten about 6 things that I should not have.  It is such a struggle.  But I can feel that 2010 is going to be a much better year for me on a health note. It has to be.

Have a safe and happy new year.  See you next year.  Good-bye 2009.

Becoming A Real Parent

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 6 Comments

One would think that just having children makes you a “real” parent.  But, it doesn’t.  I was fortunate to get to stay home with Noah and have a great Mom’s group that I was a part of.  Both of us and then Zo when she came along–had a lot of great socializing.  Then, Noah started school.  I knew that this would mean that I would have to make friends with the parents.  But I never really considered the  responsibility I have for keeping up with Noah and his friends.

The PLAYDATE.  I know it might seem odd to be nervous about playdates.  I’ve had them before with other kids and moms–but many of them I “knew” through the blogosphere before we met in person.  But this whole playdate with private school friends is new to me and well, to be honest, makes me a little self-conscious.  We are not wealthy people–a big part of that is due to the insane and completely unnecessary amount of debt we carry (I know this is something we need to work on and we are–for our kids’ sake and future).  We’d be much better off if we didn’t have this huge debt monkey on our back–but certainly not living in a nearly million-dollar house “better off.”  More, a shopping at Macy’s instead of Target better off.

Anyway.  Can you tell I have some anxiety about this.  I knew this type of socioeconomic differences would exists between us and other families who sent their kids to private school.  I am happy to admit that most of the time these differences are completely undetectable–all of our kids are pretty indistinguishable in terms of socioeconomic status on a day to day basis–even the parking lot isn’t too polarizing–lots of mini-vans and sedans.

We had our first official at someone’s house playdate this week.  We actually had two this week.  Way to just jump right in.  I am not sure it was money issues that through me off and had me the most frightened.  I was most frightened about my own socializing with the other moms.  I am not a good small talker.  I wasn’t raised in a family where we did a lot of small talk and I have had many of the same friends for a long time.  Add to that, the fact that I am self-conscious about being a student–I know I am a PhD student, but I am still a student and…anyway.  I am ready to be done and have a career and be on my way.  So, this is obviously my own issue but it is one that plagues me as I am surrounded by families and women who are working hard in their careers—lawyers, doctors, etc and stay-at-home moms.

I have some real insecurity issues–but I do not want to pass these on to my children.  I will work through them.  So, on Monday we drove over to one of Noah’s friends’ houses for a playdate.  It’s in a really really expensive area of town–as I turned on their street, my heart stopped beating momentarily as I drove past ESTATES with gates.  I’m thinking “holy shit” the whole time.  But we drove a block or two and there were then some much more reasonably sized million dollar homes.  I prayed one of those would be our destination.  And it was.  But right across the street was a huge estate–huge isn’t even the right word.  I don’t know the right word to describe a house that could easily hold 10-15 of my house and probably still have room to spare.

We knocked and went in to a very unassuming house.  It was tasteful and sophisticated but didn’t say “look at how rich I am.”  It was nice.  That is something that I have noticed about most rich people–they don’t have a lot of stuff.  Sure they have more places to store stuff–but they don’t have  a lot of extra stuff laying around like I do.  The kids rooms were not overflowing with toys and crap–like mine.  It really has caused me to ask, exactly what do I need and why do I feel like I need to have a million things?  Probably because I can’t afford one nice thing–although I probably could if I didn’t buy a bunch of crap.

Overall, the playdate went well.  It is so hard being a parent.  We did a craft with the kids–the two boys make some crowns.  CRAFTS.  The only craft my kid can do is color–CRAFTS.  Of course, this got me questioning my own parenting.  But, I am not a craft mom and my kids are really craft kids.  Ever since Noah was little, it has been a struggle to get him to even color.

This has grown so much longer than I intended.  The playdate went great–we had lunch and it was super nice.  The kids played on their own for the majority of the time we were there.  The other mom and I chatted and it was easy.   I sometimes forget that I am an adult–being in school will do that for you as so many people you interact with see you as a student.  The second playdate was very different.  More about that tomorrow.

Welcome Back

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

I have been very absent from blogging as of late and  I miss it and I need it.  Christmas was amazingly wonderful and my heart is bursting with happiness and love.  Things over all are good.  Starting next week I am going to be chronicling my weight loss journey/struggle to be healty.  I know, I know…who wants to read that.  But this is something that I need to do and I need to make sure that I work through my issues and choices.  It is really important to me that I take charge of this part of my life.  I am in charge of all the other parts of my life but this issues have evaded me or I have allowed them to evade me and conquer me.  I will no longer play the hostage to my issues that allow me to rationalize that eating whatever I want and saying it’s okay.

So, this new year will bring a new me.  I am going to Hawaii in May for my 10th wedding anniversary and I will be in much better shape than I am now.  I want to own all part of my life and I haven’t lately.

School is good and the end is in sight. One more year of actual course work and then it is dissertation research time.  I cannot wait to be done.

Well, I hope everyone has had a happy holiday–whichever ones you celebrate and hope that everyone has a happy new year.

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