A Thin Line

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 7 Comments

As a qualitative researcher, I understand that it is necessary to have my bias exposed on whatever topic I might be researching.  This holds true to this space and my editorializing on topics.  I want my readers–whether you agree or disagree to understand where it is that I am coming from so that we can all see each others’ sides and continue to agree to disagree. 

So, I want to start by saying that I am not a religious person.  I am spiritual and I believe in a higher power of some sort, but I don’t operate from the thinking that God has commanding me or is guiding me to do any of the things that I do.  I take full credit/blame for anything I do–I believe completely in freewill and responsibility for the consequences of that freewill.  I know there are people who believe greatly in God and his power and command of their life and actions.  This is great and I don’t think they are wrong.  That is just not how I interpret the world and others are certainly free to do as they wish.  I know, you are wondering where the hell this is going.  I am getting there. 

I have a friend–I use the word loosely as we use to work together and hang out quite a bit, but we don’t anymore and we see each other only on occasion as we attend the same grad school and we’re friends on facebook–but other than that we aren’t close–I’m not sure she has even met my kids.  She sent a message to all of her facebook friends for current addresses–I didn’t think anything of it as I need to get updated contact info from friends often as people move, etc.  I replied and two days later in the mail I get a newsletter/solicitation from her. 

Her and her husband–who is a minister of some sorts (that is what she says, but I don’t think he is a real minister but who knows–he could be–have relocated to the north part of our city (very poor and really high crime rates) and work with a church as urban missionaries.  I promise not to get started on the topic of missionaries.  I am not a fan of religious missionary work–if you are providing schools or clean water, etc., I can deal with that, but not the whole bringing Jesus to the heathen kind of missionary work.  So, my friend who is a certified art teacher and has spent the last couple of years teaching special education decided she was going to quit her job to go to school full-time and to help with outreach work at the church–art lessons, tutoring, etc. 

Nobel pursuit–except that her husband only works part-time and they now can’t afford to live without the help of friends and family.  Again, freewill at work.  What I have an issue with is being solicited for money/services from a person who has chosen not to work–did I mention she is pregnant and due with their first child in November.  She is giving back to her community–I get that, but at what cost.  Why should I fund her to live in her house when she is more than capable of working and giving back.  I would have much less of a problem “supporting” her if she were going on an aid trip to a developing nation and needed money to support herself over there while she was building a school or a library or a clean water system.  But, I live in the city where she does and while art lessons and tutoring are noble pursuits, the dedication to those programs does not warrant needing to be unemployed by choice and asking others to support you.  It really upsets me. 

I chose to quit my job when I had kids and was it a struggle financially–yes.  Would it have been nice to have others help out?  Sure, but I would never have considered asking anyone to support me so that I could do what I wanted without worry about how I was going to pay for what I needed daily.

Sorry, if I sound like a bitch, but it really ticked me off that–not that she is doing what she is doing, but that she is asking her friends and family to support her.  She isn’t a young kid trying to find her way.  So, what do you think?  Am I being a hard ass?

Change Is For The Better–But A Cube?

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

Well, today wraps up my first week of work.  I can say that it has been an easier transition than I had hoped for.  Thank you Kellie for creating an in-home daycare that my kids love so much today they could barely manage to say good-bye to me.  Oh wait…today they didn’t even say good-bye they just took off playing leaving me there holding their bag and feeling foolish that I worried about what they would do without me.  I guess I should have been worried about what I would do without them. 

On Monday, I picked them up after their first day and asked Noah how it went.  He replied–“Good, but I had to stand in the corner.”  She uses a time-out corner.  But Noah was also happy to report that he only had to do it once and that he listened the rest of the day.  I have to admit that this is so good for them, as I am not really a disciplinarian.  I let a lot of stuff go that won’t be let go at school, etc.; therefore, this is such a good thing for them and they will learn much better about listening and sharing, etc.  I am also glad that they are in a small home environment as the lessons that can be taught/learned are more easily dealt with because there aren’t so many kids to manage.  Both of them have done great at quiet time–I thought for sure Noah would lie awake for those two hours and really get himself in trouble.  He falls a asleep quickly and needs to be woken up when it’s over.  So, they are doing great. 

And, while I miss them tremendously, I also feel fortunate enough to not feel as though I am missing out on anything.  Am I?  Sure Zo will start talking, etc.  But what I am gaining is greater.  I had lost the appreciation I had for being a parent.  It was starting to wear on me more than I knew.  Plus I still get Friday’s to have fun with the kiddos.  I am happier and more tired than I have been in a long time. 

I have to say though, OMG how do people handle sitting in a cube all day working?  I don’t know how people do it without going slightly crazy.  I am fortunate that our cube has a window so I can look out at trees and cars driving by, but seriously, sitting in front of a computer all day in a cube is hard.  At least I have a partner in crime to talk to/work with, but it still sucks.  This is certainly very different than anything I have done before or any job that I have had.  I am use to be up and moving and teaching.  This is just something I know that I will get use to. 

I hate to say this–I am more tired working than I was when I was staying home.  I know it’s a different kind of tired and there are extenuating circumstances–like waking up at 5:30 to get to the gym by 6am so I can be home by 7am.  This has me in bed each night by 9pm and asleep. I can hardly keep my eyes open at night and that makes it a little hard for hubby–because he doesn’t get to see me much.  I guess that’s what weekend are for–I forgot about weekends.  I now love weekends.  Before they were just another day that I had to be mom.  Now, I can’t wait to get to be mom. 

The job itself is tough–there is so much to learn and it amazing the position of power we are in as charter school sponsors.  There is so much to improve and I know have the perfect stomping ground for my dissertation as one of our schools in underperforming and really wants to invite university researchers in.  This job may give me more than I originially hoped it might.

The Final Countdown

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

I am soon hanging up my SAHM hat.  I have to say that I am jumping out of my skin with excitement to get back to the world of work.  I start on Monday and it can’t come soon enough as I really am at my wits end at home with the kids.  I love my kids.  I love that I was able to stay home with them for these past three years but I can’t do it another week without losing my mind and my kids deserve a mom who isn’t crabby at them all the time because I have to remind them 15 times to get dressed or to listen to me, to not hit your sister/brother,  etc.  I am relishing the fact that I get to get dressed like a professional and interact with other academics for the good of children. 

I have spent the last two weeks taking them to lots of fun places and having a good overall time with them.  But they need more socialization and they love being around other kids.  They need more than I have energy to give them all day and night long.  I truly believe they will be happy kids in daycare four days a week and then they will get all of me when they are home. 

We had a great time this past weekend in Beverly Shores and with my brother and his partner.  It was nice–long but nice.  I’ll post some pictures soon.  Off to enjoy a few more days of SAHMhood before re-entering the workforce.