Or twice the crying, whining, tantrum throwing little people? It is now just starting to sink in that in about 5 weeks I will have two little people at home demanding 100% of my attention. It is going to be hard–maybe even harder than if I were giving birth to my second. Why do I assume such things you ask? Well for those who haven’t adopted, our little ones come home with the needs of a new born but the personalities, desires and wants of an older infant. Peepers will be approximately 7 months old when she comes home and her personality will be well forged. She will want to feed and be held like a newborn as this is her first discovery of round the clock “I can have whatever I want now” but will also be her own little person already. She already knows what she likes and doesn’t and I have to figure that out…all the while figuring out what my little toddler wants. I am certainly not saying that being a new mom via birth isn’t difficult it just presents a different set of challenges.
Anyway. How do you go from two to one–especially those of you whom have adopted? I am beginning to worry as Minnow is getting more and more independent but also has moments of “mommy carry me” etc. I worry that I am not prepared for the challenges or that I am honestly approaching how hard this transition will be for all of us. We are preparing Minnow as much as I know how to. We talk about Peepers all the time and he recognizes her picture. I just know he doesn’t quite get it and won’t until she is home and he no longer is the center of our world.
So any adivce on the transition from one to two? Any advice at all will be ingested and respected.
Embracing Imperfection 
we can talk more later, but I will tell you this. It is more than twice as hard (at least for us it was), but there are so many moments in a day when I see them playing together and know there is no way I could ever imagine one without the other…
(but it was a big adjustment–and still is!)
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I wish I had some great secret to share but the only thing that worked for me was to take it one moment at a time, until we could take it one hour at a time and then one day at a time.
Minnow’s world is about to be rocked and it will take a lot of extra time and love to get through it but you will and both your children will be satified and happy.
Blessings.
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Hi there, I can only tell you how it worked for us, but I’m sure that it is very different for every family. Both my kiddos are adopted, my daughter was 20 months old when we went to pick up my 5 month old son from Ethiopia. Our daughter adjusted really well to our son, but was super pissed off at us for having left her for a week. She couldn’t verbalize everything, but showed us in a variety of actions. Because our son wasn’t walking or mobile when we came home I think that helped (and this might be the case for Peepers too) as he wasn’t able to get into my daughters space or her toys for a few months. By the time he could, she had accepted that he was here to stay. Personally, I dont find two to be harder, I was having to change a bum already- why not just throw another one in there for kicks eh? I find the more children that there are in the house, the easier it is as they seem to be generally more interested in hanging with each other than they are with me, which means I have some more time to myself as opposed to when it was just me there as the sole entertainment source to my daughter.
Your heart is going to burst when you see Peepers and Minnow share their first hug or give each other kisses!
Good luck! 🙂
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I only have one, but my friend just went from two to three…it’s a challenge! But I do see lots of joy and love in all her struggles. My only advice is to be honest with the people in your life as you transition. She felt, I think, guilty complaining when she had wanted this little girl for so long (she has two bio sons and her daughter came home from China in Jan). But she had every right to be frustrated and of course it was hard at times! So remember, there will be friends who will listen and not judge.
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Enlist Minnow as your “baby helper”. It will give him a special job. Also, a wise person once said to me, it’s okay to let the baby cry a bit sometimes when you need to attend to the toddler. The toddler will remember it if he/she is always put second because they are “older”. It will be great and you will love it and be exhausted:) The days are long and the years are short!
Becky
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We just added a 6 year old and a 2 1/2 year old to our family. Our 23 month old LOVES having them here, though now the honeymoon phase is passing she is starting a little bit of pinching and pushing occasionally. The change was huge for us. The energy level in our house increased by a ton! Getting all of the kids to nap at one time, or go to bed in a timely fashion is still really hard – and because of this there is not much time for personal time, or even to wash the dishes! Every day flies by and is gone before I know it. I am a terrible blogger now and not great at returning emails anymore. But, it’s the best! Every day gets better, truly. And I can see my family forming into a family every day. Getting to know these 2 new people, loving them despite the craziness they bring, and seeing us all fitting together as a family… it’s amazing.
Best of luck!
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My husband calls it “survival mode.” Expect nothing more of yourselves. And go on a date once a week. (-:
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