Well, because he is and so is my daughter. I haven’t really thought about how his blackness might make others uncomfortable especially when it comes to describing him. I know this is something that I am going to deal with forever–people describing him as black in a negative way and in a positive way and having to determine the tone, etc. But, he is black (really brown, but…).
We were at a coffee house/cafe today that is totally kid friendly–they have a playroom with tables for eating lunch while the moms and some dads can eat and socialize while their children play. This place gets very crazy–upwards of 30 kids under age 4 playing and running around with lots of mom’s and it’s kind of crazy.
I am sitting with my mom friends talking and one of the employees comes over to see if anyone is missing a child.
We all look around–but it is utter chaos and so we stare blindly waiting for a description…
“curly hair.”
we all still stare at her blankly
“blue jeans.”
we all still stare
“navy shirt.”
“Sounds like mine.” I say but still not sure.
Sure enough it is Minnow and he is playing up front with another little boy in the window. I question why she didn’t use the obvious descriptor. My two children are the only brown children in the entire place. It just amazes me how hypersensitive people are about offending others.
It wouldn’t have bothered me if she has asked if someone was missing a little black boy–it wouldn’t have taken so long to figure out whose child was missing…I guess it bother me because we cannot ignore color. Ignoring color makes it the 800lb gorilla in the room. Minnow and Peepers will know that they are black and I will never ignore their color and don’t want other to ignore it either. I don’t want it to be more important than it is, but I also don’t want it to be ignored. It just makes everyone involved uncomfortable.
So, those of you of color or with kiddos of color–what’s your take?
Embracing Imperfection 
I condemn racism and ignorance towards racism.
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I don’t think your children look black, but if they did, so what?
I think that most people would tend to stay away from skin color. Most just don’t want to be accused of being racist.
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I am super interested to see what other people have to say. I think the barista’s attempt to describe your son without using the color of his skin is maybe silly, but also kind of cool. Because, obviously, he might have been the only little boy of color in the room, but it’s not his color that truly describes him. In other words, I’m with you but I think she was being a bit smarter than say, the typical older person who says “your black friend” – my grandma used to say that to me about my roommate.
Anyway, just my 2 cents.
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I’ve thought about this before as I would occasionally (and still do) find myself hesitating before using ‘black’ as a descriptor of someone. BUT if they are the only black person in the room doesn’t it just make sense. And why is describing someone as ‘black’ have to be a negative thing. I would never hesitate to describe someone as ‘white’ when I worked at an all-black school. Everyone would instantly know who I was talking about and I never got the feeling it was a negative description…
Supergirl doesn’t know the word black as a descriptor. She says brown skin, “you know mom, the lady with brown skin like my brother.” This is something I never really thought about until we overheard her friend one day state that Boomer is black like another girl in their class (who by the way I don’t think is black, she is perhaps hispanic or Native American). I realized at that moment that was a descriptor she had learned someone, she had heard someone else describing our son as black. Supergirl would argue the point because his skin IS brown, not black. His hair is black….
Now I’m rambling… I want my son to be SO proud of who is. Proud to be ‘black’ proud of his brown skin proud to be Ethiopian. I don’t think ignoring it would do anything to accomplish that goal…
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Its funny no one even hesitates to ask if my daughter is Chinese but I can see how black might cause them a problem. I know once we bring Turtle home from Ethiopia, that may change.
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That is hilarious and not at the same time! We were just yesterday sitting at a Starbucks and, once we left, we laughed at the sidestepping the barista did while she stumbled over her words in an attempt to use “just the right, pc terms.” My “favorite” was “Pitch….brown”
I think we are doing good to keep a positive, yet bold attitude about being proud of who our kids are.
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I read in one of my books (can’t remember which one, I think it might have been why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria) about the use of the word “black”. It basically said, if you are telling a story about someone and you start off with “so the black man said….” and the fact that the man was black has nothing to do with the story, then it shouldn’t be used. On the other hand, in this case, using “black” to describe a child becuase it distinguises him from the other kids is ok. It makes sense to me.
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I’ve noticed that people seem afraid to say black… you’re right. I will describe one of my daughters as white & one as black (when the subject comes up). That’s what they are. My black daughter is Ethio-American if anyone wants specifics…I’ll never describe her as African American and if any one ever questions me why I’ll be happy to explain it to them.. I’ve learned that may people, born in Africa, do not like this term… and I don’t blame them. Africa is a continent made of many, many unique countries. I don’t want to generalize her heritage by just saying African American She’s beautiful, she’s amazing, she was born in Ethiopia & she’s black. I couldn’t be prouder of her.
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