I feel a little like I am living inside the book. My world isn’t exactly how I pictured it and sometimes I have to wonder if I have just dreamed it all up. I am not saying in anyway that my life is bad. I wouldn’t trade my hubby or kids for anything. They are awesome. I just often wonder why I get to be happy and others struggle to find it. Then I have to questions what is happiness anyway.
I know that happiness certainly is subjective and I certainly have to admit that overall I am happy but there are certain aspects of my life that I couldn’t be more unhappy with. But I have the things that are important–health, love, family and a home. After a night out with friends, I have a wonderful husband waiting for me at home. I know that not everyone is meant to be a family person nor is everyone destined to be married. But what about those who want it so badly. Don’t they deserve the happiness that I never thought I wanted and certainly never looked for. My world and where I have ended up seems like a fantasy that I created just like the little boy in Where the Wild Things Are! which was one of my favorite books and still is a favorite kid’s book of mine.
I don’t know how I got here exactly but I am glad that I did. I wish there was a recipe as I have friends who long to have the happiness (husband, family, home) that I do and I feel sad that I can’t help them get there. I am lucky and I need to remind myself of that often. I am lucky to have all that I have. I am lucky the wild things found me.
Embracing Imperfection 
We change “Max’s” name to “Teeny’s” in the Wild Things, as they have so much in common these days! Its one of our faves, too!
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I think about this all time — for I too have a few single friends that are longing for marriage and family too — and it kills me not to be able to help.
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I think it is a human tendency for the grass to always be greener.
I am single. It would be nice to have a Mr. Wonderful but I don’t; and I feel really good about many aspects of being single:
-I don’t have to compromise or explain about what I want to do, or buy, where I want to live, or who, or where, or when I want to adopt. The choice of a special needs child is my decision I don’t need to get anyone else on board.
-I feel a lot of accomplishment in being the sole bread winner, the parent, and homemaker. I save all year long to send her to a really good private school and it’s a thrill to pull that off every year.
-I like making all the decisions about my child.
-I never have to feel bitter that someone is not pulling their weight, I never have to nag because it is all me.
-I have a very nice long term boyfriend. Once a week we go to a museum opening, a movie, the symphony, a play; and then he goes home and I can get back to my world.
-I spend every evening with my somewhat ancient mom. I really love my mom. If I were married I would feel I should be home with my husband.
-I don’t have to cook, wash, clean or straighten up every day unless I feel like it. If I were married I would feel guilt, even misplaced I would feel guilt.
-If I find a stray dog or cat I just bring it home. I don’t have to talk anyone into keeping it.
-I can bring home all the used books I want and stack them in my bedroom in huge piles.
-Everyone’s world is fragile and a step away from some abyss; but I feel great I work every day at a challenging job, I managed to do a very difficult adoption, pay for all of it myself, and I got such a wonderful child.
-My child is a delight. If I could I would be a stay at home mom, but I don’t have that choice. The bottom line is she seems to be very happy, she is doing well, healthy, she loves me.
-I can think of no one I know whose husband I would want to be married to. Many are great guys, but I would not want them around 24/7
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