I am surrounded by babies and people having babies. It doesn’t bother me. I am really happy for all of families bringing new children into the world and their families. I have long ago dealt with my infertility. I no longer feel a tug when I see a pregnant woman. I no longer ache when I see a new mother leave the hospital with their just days old baby. Organizing baby clothes to sell no longer makes me feel as though I am losing something.
I know I have posted before about our desire to expand our family. And this is still true. I long for a bigger family. I dream of a bigger family. I have nightmares about more babies. I know this sounds weird, but I have to admit that my least favorite part of child rearing so far has been the baby stage. I love my kids and I love them so very completely but if I would be perfectly happy to not have to mother another baby. Am I the only one?
Recently, I was at my cousin’s wedding shower and and she had her 6 week old baby girl there. Everyone was passing her around and I was lucky enough to be at the shower sans children. My aunts looked to me and asked me if I wanted to hold the baby. I thought for a second and kindly said “No.” I didn’t want to hold the baby. I had not one bit of desire to hold the baby.
I am in such a weird space right now with the whole mom thing. Not a question for a second about being a mom. But questioning if it makes me a bad mom to not like babies? I know that might sound weird but, I really don’t have the desire to have or adopt more babies. I am comforted by the fact that my husband feels the same way. We plan to adopt an young sibling group when Noah is 5 or 6. We want to keep him as the oldest. I am excited about our plans for expanding our family and am pleased that it doesn’t involve monts and months of feedings every 2-3 hours. I know that adopting “older” children has its own problems and issues, but I feel much more equipped to deal with those and more willing to deal with those than with what a baby brings to the mix.
How much my thinking has changed simply by experiencing motherhood.
Embracing Imperfection 
You know, I might like to parent another baby someday, but I generally don’t like other people’s babies. I have never had this compulsion to hold them, etc. So I don’t think you’re weird. And I think adopting older kids is great and we may do that too someday.
(Of course, I’ve also never had a desire to be pregnant/give birth, which some other people think is weird. What can I say, God made me just right to be an adoptive parent.)
Wendy in Oregon (just felt like de-lurking today!)
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Wait a second. I’m completely confused now. I thought you were in the process of adopting a third time from Ethiopia and also that you were going to try IVF. Am I just completely confused and/or thinking about someone else’s blog?
Raine
Mom to three adopted from China and infrequent commenter
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The 2-3 age is NOT my favorite. I’d gladly take a newborn anyday and then send them off the “toddler boarding school”! LOL. Everyone has different ages they like the best…and least.
Becky
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Babies are so HARD — I love them so, but with all the sleep issues and communication issues, they are such a huge challenge. I’m pretty partial to the 4-5 year old set, myself. At that age just about everything that comes out of their mouths is either incredibly adorable or hilarious. And that’s what parenthood is all about — entertaining ME! 😉
Glad you’re going with your instincts — mother knows best!
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We look at each other and say, ok, we have 1 more baby in us, right? We can do this one more time, right? They are wonderful, but also exhausting. We’re actually kind of glad that she’ll have most of her 1st year under her belt…no colic, not much more formula, better sleep rhythms, etc. We can do this again, right? (-:
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After number two, my previous “oh, I want 4 kids” completely changed. I can openly say that with child number two it went from being mostly fun and easy to being a LOT more work… The thought of a 3rd now terrifies me!!! However, I refuse to say we will ‘never’ have more, but as of right now that is what I am definitely feeling. So… I get it 🙂
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Hi, nice post. I have been pondering this issue,so thanks for writing. I will certainly be coming back to your posts.
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